Parents not listening

Hi everyone, me again.

first off, I would like to thank everyone who has helped me so much in the past few days. This is my first client and so I am having some issues knowing how to deal some issues. I'm so glad for this forum!

So, I posted earlier about accepting a 3 full days and 2 half days schedule. It was sort of last minute, like 2 seconds before siging the contract they were like - oh yeah! And since I had already made the decision to accept them (and was counting pennies in my head haha) I accepted. But I didn't realize how complicated it would be.

Anyways, the mother provided a journal yesterday (their first full day) and I asked her what it was for. She said communication. Great idea! So I wrote them a little note, explaining activities they could do to help his separation anxiety (whole other issue) and I explained that it is important to establish a routine. I "suggested" that they give him naps (he had NO schedule at home) from 10-11:30 in the morning the days that he only comes in the afternoon and another afternoon nap from 1:30-3 on the weekends.

This morning, he brought the boy here a half hour late (they were supposed to be here at 1:30 - nap time) and said he'd just woken up from his nap at 1:15. WHAT?!
So i asked if they read the notes I left and they said, "yes, do you have any questions?" !!!???

Then today, I left another note, and even verbally told her how important it is to establish a routine, especially for a little boy who is so senstitive and difficult to accept new situations. I want to avoid any pitfalls when new charges come in. And I "strongly suggested" (I don't like telling people what to do. I'm a little scared they'll go elsewhere. Like I said, I have no other clients at the moment. My daycare doesn't open till June) that they bring him at 12:30 on his half days. They can have lunch, play, have storytime and nap.

So, I texted her tonight and asked what time they'd be dropping him off. She said 1:30.

WHAT!??!! Tomrorow's his third day. And already this is happening. WHAT DO I DO?! I'm already on the fence about him because of his screaming, and now they're making it more difficult on me by not listening to my suggestions!

Oh it do hard starting out - that need for income and excitement of the first client however you need to put the long term business hat on ... this is the start of a new relationship and if they are already being disrespectful to you about working together to make this smooth how are the next three years going to be as they get COMFORTABLE in care?

I personally would lay down the law with a we need to be working together to make this work - I need him here by X time and to help support him we need him adjust to care positively he needs the same schedule all week and since I have a GROUP to consider that schedule needs to be the groups if we cannot get on the same page I will have to rethink our arrangement because the current scenerio is not working for him or me!

Do you think I am being too jumpy to early? I mean, it is only the third day tomorrow. Should I give them some time to get comfortable and prove themselves, or should I start mentioning it everytime they do something I don't agree with?

With parents like these, they need to be TOLD, not suggested to. They will totally take advantage. I have troubles with confrontation too, but it really does feel good once you take a deep breath and stand up for yourself. I always picture my own children. Everytime they bring him during your son's nap they are hurting HIM. Disrupting HIS day. You started your daycare so you could be with your son and take care of his needs along with the others, right? Why let these people mess with what your own child needs?

I would just say that you cannot accept drop-offs after 12:30 as it disrupts your day. Any late drop offs will not be accepted into care. Tell them verbally and write it in the book. And then when they come late as they inevitably will, have a sign on the door that says no drop-offs/ knocking/ringing the door bell between 1-3 as it is naptime. If they ring the bell/phone you calmly and politely tell them that you are sorry but you cannot accept children after 12:30 anymore, but they are welcome to drop off at 3:00pm when naptime is over or try again tomorrow. And then close the door. They need consequences. Right now they can tell that you need them. That is a very bad situation to be in. No family is worth the money they bring in if they make your life a living hell. You need to get in the mindset that you are okay with them leaving. Advertise and open earlier than June if you need the money. But only accept a family that is willing to work with you and the schedule you have set up for your daycare.

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Originally Posted by samroo326

Do you think I am being too jumpy to early? I mean, it is only the third day tomorrow. Should I give them some time to get comfortable and prove themselves, or should I start mentioning it everytime they do something I don't agree with?

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I totally understand that it is only their 3rd day, so its kind of awkward/weird to have a problem already. But I know from experience that the one thing that I cannot and will not tolerate are parents who are not listening to me, who think they know better, who feel that they are my boss and that I am hired strictly to work just for them, who make me feel lesser than, and who show disrespect to me in any shape or form. I'm entering into my second year of this business and honey, you will learn a lot in this next little while. Not sure what to tell you exactly because I know if I were in your shoes, just starting out, I'd want to try and make it work. Give them a chance. But the new me, right now, would bring it up by emailing them directly so that I could clearly state my requirements and concerns and post an ad up on kijiji to be ready to find a new family to replace them if necessary. I would probably put the ad up first. Email them tomorrow if it happened again. And then deal with the situation from there accordingly depending on their response.
Good luck!!! and sorry you have to go through a shitty one so soon!

I don't think you need to show them the door, as I said in the other post. But it's time to establish a good working relationship in which they respect your role as provider. I would be saying "Dropping off So-and-so at the start of naptime is not working. He is either not tired, due to already having napped, or too wound up to settle in immediately. From this point on, I ask that you bring him before lunch. Perhaps you can view this as some extra time for yourself, to run errands, etc." Put it to them as thinking of it from their child's, and their own, perspective.
Something tells me that they know that their arrangement isn't normal, or typically accepted by providers. Hence, them sliding that fact in at the last minute.

You need to TELL them how it is. You also need to set up times that are the latest they can bring him. So, if your regular naptime is going to be 1pm then the cut off time to bring him has to been noon. If they do not drop off by noon then they can NOT come to care that day. They can not expect you to provide nanny care. You provide group care (yes, I know you only have him but you have to think long-term) and this is what is good for the group.

Put your foot down. If a parent is treating you this way then you are ALLOWING them to treat you this way.

And this part:

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And I "strongly suggested" (I don't like telling people what to do. I'm a little scared they'll go elsewhere.

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One, this is YOUR business and therefore you DO get to TELL them what to do when it affects you and your day. That is your right. They follow your rules or they leave care. Period.

And, this is a biggie......you have desperation mindset. You are desperate to keep this child due to money and parents can smell that a mile away and will take advantage of it. You need to get out of this mindset or you will only have problems.

I agree with Judy .... I let my first family " negotiate " certain terms of my contrat with me cause they were my first and only and so some of the things didn't bother me cause there were no other kids other then my own now that I have other children in care these little things are now big and they are still attempting to negotiate every little thing....it's total disrespect but I allowed it and now I am paying for it....so now what would I do with this knowledge I have now .... I would tell them that after trying it the 130 drop off is not working and he needs to be dropped off at xxxxx o'clock ..... Don't call to ask what time they are dropping off you already told what time that are dropping off if they don't show up within 10 mins do t accept them ..... Go out if you have to... Even though it's your own child's nap time .... When they are inconvenienced they will show up on time...... And Judys right they smell desperation ..... This will get worse cause they do believe you work for them ..... Been there ... Done that ....

No way would I accept someone into care during quiet time. I would open a month or two ahead of schedule too, if the income loss will be an issue. Advertise now, and set up interviews. This family clearly has no respect for you or your business.

I like the idea of putting up a sign on your door. I agree with all the others above who have said that you have to tell them that they cannot drop him off later than noon (or whatever works for your schedule) as it isn't fair to their child or the other children. I would also tend to put it in an email so that it is in writing and clear and you have time to think about what you want to say. If you let them walk all over you, they will and so will your future families when they see what the first family is getting away with. I never had this problem, but I have had families pick up children during naptime for appointments and it was very disruptive and I can tell you I will NOT be allowing it to happen again and have added that into my contract. They can pick up before naptime if need be.

I have a rule in my contract that morning dropoff must occur before 9am and afternoon pickup must occur after 3pm. This is because we go on field trips to parks shortly after 9am and I'm not waiting around for anybody and beause the children's naps go until close to 3pm and I'm protecting all their naptimes.

You have to make up your rules and have good solid reasons for them and put them in your contract and don't let anybody break the rules! If I had an afternoon child I would insist that they arrive by 12:00 if naptime was at 12:30 or 1:00pm because that would give the child a little time to play before being stuck into a bed.