At a loss....need some advice!

I have a little girl is 14 months old who has been in my care since January. It took her about a month and a half to get settled here. She still cries sometimes if I leave her sight for a second, especially if we are in the downstairs play area. She has been teething the entire time she has been here (has gotten 8 teeth in so far, 3 of them molars) and I know that this has been a source of some of her discomfort here. However, 2 weeks ago she was sick and missed 3 days of care, plus the weekend. Once she came back last week, it was like she had never been here. Constant crying, freaking out if I put food on her tray while she was sitting in her booster chair, wouldn't eat or take her bottles. Apparently at home she was being really difficult as well.
So here is my problem. Mom drops her off today and says she is back to normal except that she wont sit in her highchair with out crying. The mom says they tried letting her CIO but she started screaming, so now mom sits the little girl on her lap to eat. I put her in the booster chair to eat lunch today, and she started crying, threw all her food on the floor and same to her bottle (she was doing this last week too). She has a little hissy fit kicking her feet, screaming, etc...Finally, I just put the little girl in her play pen to go to sleep, and she still cried for a bit.
My question to you all is: what other options or tricks can I do to get her to sit in her booster. Her mom gives her toys, but I don't really want to get into that because then all the kids will want toys and it is extra clean up for me. I do allow her to hold onto her blankie, but that only helps sometime. I will not sit her on my lap to eat as I have other children that I need to feed etc... I need to have her contained to eat as I do not want her walking around eating as that is unsafe. I'm really starting to get to the end of my patience with the little girl, and I feel horrible that I'm feeling like that...but I can only take so much, and she often starts off the other kids in my care as well so that they are all crying at meal times.
Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Okay, just to add something. She just woke up from her nap. Since she has not eaten or had anything to drink all day here, I just made her a bottle and lied her down on my floor with her blanket and bottle and she is now drinking it. I normally wouldn't do this, but her mom did this to her one morning at drop off so she could finish her bottle. Should I allow this to continue so she will atleast stay hydrated here? I don't want to do this when the other children are around, but I just can't not have her eat and drink here, can I?
I have tried giving her a bottle at nap time as that what she does at home, but she always refuses it, so I am at a complete loss on what to do...

I would stick to my guns - no special routine or changes. She needs to learn what the expectations are at daycare and that they are not the same as her house.

i would leave her in the high chair to eat and if she doesn't eat then she will not starve in those hours until the parents come but she will see that no matter how she cries/tries that your expectations for her are to stay in the chair and eat and that if she doesn't eat then there isn't anything else in between or any special catering.

Long term - if you give in to this then you are going to keep encouraging this behaviour.

It sounds like you are having really rough days but if you stick to the routine then she should realize you mean it and catch on.

I wish there was an easier suggestion but IMO - I would stick it out and stay firm.:):)

Thanks Spixie. That is my belief to, that eventually she will see my way, but my problem is her mom lets her get away with it at home. Should I talk to the mom about consistency?

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Originally Posted by Ashleigh

Thanks Spixie. That is my belief to, that eventually she will see my way, but my problem is her mom lets her get away with it at home. Should I talk to the mom about consistency?

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You can try and find a nice light way to tell mom that you expect the child to go with the flow and not against the stream and that consistency will probably make her get used to it faster because she will get the same message in both homes but you can't 100% count on mom following through.
You can suggest and hope she does but there is no guarantee. If she does then it will make it faster for the girl to realize that this is the expectation of her but if not - it will be all you to make her realize the expectations at daycare are not the same as at home.
Either way - she will get it but it depends how long it will take.:p

This is how daycares end up with kids that are easy to feed, change and go through different parts of the day but parents have difficulties because kids learn what the expectations are at daycare because we tend to be more consistent and unwavering.

Sure we have tons of fun in between but the dck need to know what their expectations are at daycare and that you mean it. Otherwise you end up with daycare kids who are unruly, don't respect you and you end up burning out

I would continue with our regular routine and put her in her chair for lunch and if she throws it on the floor that means meal time is over and it's time for bed. Call me "mean mommy" but I never allowed that from my children and I most certainly will not allow it from anyone else's. I've had my fair share of difficult children when it comes to transitioning and in the end I've noticed with all of them that staying consistent with the rules and routines has helped them get it. I don't clean up anyone's lunch of the floor anymore:laugh:

I'm with Spixie about the not going to starve at your house part. My own personal position on eating and drinking is that it's our job as parents and providers to give them their meals and drinks, and it's up to them to eat or drink. We can't force them. If she doesn't want it when it's being offered then put it away until the next snack/meal time. She'll take it when she wants it.

Kids should come with a daily warning. "I'm not going to eat today", "I'm going to hit all my friends today", "I'm going to go mute today and leave you to figure out why"...kids.....gott a love them LOL


After pick up today grab a bottle of vino, draw a bath and drink yourself into oblivion..,.tomorrow is a new day. Good Luck!!! ;)

Thanks Spixie and Errbear. I believe being consistent with this one is the key too, but sometimes, especially when things are going rough, its nice to have someone validate your instincts. I don't think mom is going to be onboard with this, but I know that it is a power struggle/stubborness with this one. She was fine before in her chair, and now has decided to be difficult.

You might find the child does better if the highchair is pushed up to the table where she is part of the group. At this age I would be weaning her off the bottle at daycare but in this case probably would put her in the chair at snacks and meals and give her one or two pieces of food on the tray - no sense trying to chase a flying dish and leave her to scream if she insists. Then straight to bed. AFTER nap I probably would do the lay her down and have bottle if that is all she is eating. But she is not allowed to move from that spot or bottle is taken away. That might also be the way to wean her to a cup in that after nap she gets milk in a cup on the floor. Limit the amount in the cup/bottle to no more than 4 ounces - just enough as you say to stay hydrated for the day.

As far as getting her to eat you will have to let mom know that until she insists the child behave properly at home that you will have difficulties at daycare and that it is mom that has to change routines not you. In a couple months the child will be old enough to accept both routines and have a better understanding when you speak to her. Between 16-18 months you can start to enforce your rules and by then the bottle should be gone at daycare and if she wants a drink she gets in her chair properly.

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Originally Posted by Errbear

Kids should come with a daily warning. "I'm not going to eat today", "I'm going to hit all my friends today", "I'm going to go mute today and leave you to figure out why"...kids.....gott a love them LOL

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Wouldn't that be fantastic?! A little bubble pops up over their head at drop-off, just to warn you what kind of day you are about to have.... Hahahahaha.

On a serious note; I think you are right in sticking to your "guns". Sitting at the table to eat is not negotiable. Cry, scream, disrupt everyone else, you will be removed for a period of time. Throw your food, and the food will be removed. Give her a couple of pieces at a time, and more as she finishes. The other posters are right, she is not going to starve. Just stay consistent. IF you feel like she needs to lay and finish the bottle after lunch, that would be the only concession I would make.

Playfelt- I was going to try the booster seat at my breakfast bar today instead of the tray and see how it goes, but honestly I don't think it will work. This child is very stubborn and gets her way at home. I do only give her one or two pieces of food due to the throwing.
Today at drop off, mom informed me they had a "picnic" last night for dinner and her daughter ate way more than she ever has (I wonder why). I told her that it was because she got her own way and that I was going to continue with the booster.
There is no way this mother is going to wean her off a bottle right now. I think she will be on one for awhile yet but I suggested to her mom to bring in soy milk for her daughter, but we will see if she does.

On a side note, at what age do you allow kids to sit at the table to eat (not in a booster etc)?

Thanks for all your advice.

I don't transition to the table till they have developed a few table manners as in no longer need the tray to catch all the messes for one thing but rarely before 18 months. Each child is different and it depends on how well they balance, can get on and off the chair. I start by having them at the table when we do circletime or craft and observe them sitting there colouring.

I will start with snacktime which is shorter and generally less messy so sitting at the table for a couple crackers not a meal. No bottles are ever served in highchairs or at the table. A cup is offered. If not drank then it goes back into the bottle and after everyone else has finished and gone on to play the "baby" can sit on the floor in the kitchen with their bottle while I clean up. We are talking a child over a year here not a real infant.

I tried putting her chair up to my table, but she still freaked. She did finally calm down and just sat in her booster, but no food was on her tray as she kept throwing it. I was able to feed her a yogurt. She cried, but ate it as long as she could hold her soother and put it in her mouth (gross). So progress has been made somewhat. I'm going to suggest to her mother to keep putting her in her highchair at home as I think I may know what is going on.
Before she was off sick, the dcg was cutting some molars. She would go in her booster fine, but when she started to eat would cry (her mouth hurt). So now I'm wondering if she associates the booster and eating with pain?? Maybe I'm looking too far into this...but I figure if I keep putting her in there and showing her that eating is not painful (always) then we may get over this (hopefully).
Thanks to you all for your input!

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Originally Posted by Spixie33

I would stick to my guns - no special routine or changes. She needs to learn what the expectations are at daycare and that they are not the same as her house.

i would leave her in the high chair to eat and if she doesn't eat then she will not starve in those hours until the parents come but she will see that no matter how she cries/tries that your expectations for her are to stay in the chair and eat and that if she doesn't eat then there isn't anything else in between or any special catering.

Long term - if you give in to this then you are going to keep encouraging this behaviour.

It sounds like you are having really rough days but if you stick to the routine then she should realize you mean it and catch on.

I wish there was an easier suggestion but IMO - I would stick it out and stay firm.:):)

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Yep, I would do the same. She sits in that high chair the entire meal time whether she likes it or not.

Seriously, you are giving her a safe, secure place to enjoy a meal. You are feeding her a lovely lunch and if she CHOOSES not to take advantage of it then so be it but she STILL has to sit in that chair.

I agree with the others .... the expectation to sit in a CHAIR for meal time is not unrealistic or harmful ... you do not have to EAT but you are expected to sit and keep the group company.

I agree with Playfelt... I do not use highchairs in my program - everyone sits at the child size table and 'infants' under 18 months sit in a booster seat that has the option of a tray or no tray which sits on a 'child size' seat at the table when they are 'wee' they have the tray on cause they are messy and need it - as they master eating I remove the tray and push them up to the table and eventually I take away the booster seat and try just at the table - if they do not STAY sitting they go back in the booster until they 'master' staying seated properly ... this way we are all at the same level and meal time is more social and positive for everyone.

If a child is SCREAMING and making the meal not so enjoyable I move their chair away from the group where I can see the child out of the corner of my eye but the child cannot see the group and with the removal of the 'audience' so to speak and they tend to calm down more quickly and want to return to the group setting.

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

I do not use highchairs in my program - everyone sits at the child size table and 'infants' under 18 months sit in a booster seat that has the option of a tray or no tray which sits on a 'child size' seat at the table when they are 'wee' they have the tray on cause they are messy and need it .

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Me too. ALL my furniture is child-sized. I think it is very important in fostering independence that children have furniture tailored to them that THEY can manipulate and feel a sense of pride in using properly. Child-sized furniture allows children to come to the table themselves, seat themselves, and then push their chair back in themselves when done and help to wipe down tables etc. Children need to be given the appropriate materials in order to learn how to participate in practical life skills.