Why are they hiding....

the fact that dcgs mom is pregnant from me!?!

A little while back dcg pointed to her belly and said "I have a baby like mommy". I laughed....but thouhgt it was weird since she's never been a 'baby/doll' playing little girl. So when mom came to PU, I said in a joking way "You'll never guess what ***** said today.....haha" She just laughed, not denying it.........hummmmm my radar went up.

Thursday (yesterday) morning at drop off mom was wearing a tight top and I saw a bump, again hummm but also guessed that she may have always had one and winter clothing covered up. I even spoke to other dcp's at a playgroup saying that I think dcgs mom is expecting.

So being in a lot of pain (pulled my neck) and can't sleep <as you might tell on the time stamp from this post> I had a lightbulb idea...check Facebook! And I did and dcg's mom has NOTHING set to private...I saw everything - the ultrasound picture and even when they announced it to all her FB friends...a MONTH ago!! Shes due November 3rd (also noted on FB).......so why NOT tell ME??

Like really?? I dont get it....:confused:

Lol, people are so funny.

You should make the kids BABY carrots for snack one day and specifically mention it. Or start to talk a lot about a "new baby" you might have attending daycare... lol Bring up the new "bump" in your driveway ect ect. People are fun to play with when they dont' know what you know.

I have been lucky in this respect. I have had 3 families bring their 12 month olds to begin daycare and tell me immediately that they are currently pregnant with the next one. I can understand someone not saying anything for the first 3 months as its quite common for things to happen during those 3 months...but after that they should have the respect to tell you.

I had a child tell me that exact thing a few months ago. I told Mom at the end of the day. I said this is what your daughter is telling people, just so they know. Also keep in mind many people don't want to saying anything until the second trimester . My advice is ask her.....

Maybe she's worried that you will replace her child with another once you know so as not to have any gap in income? Or, even more likely, she isn't yet sure what she wants to do abotu daycare during her mat leave (some people want to keep the child in daycare full-time or part-time or some combination of that, while others decide to take the child out altogether). Maybe she is waiting until she has a better idea of what she wants so that she can give you a clear idea.

My guess would be the same as kangroomama in that she is afraid to say anything partly because she doesn't know what your reaction will be.What have you done in the past as in would she know that you replaced a family or she may have friends that actually terminated the family so maybe she is waiting till after the end of June so she will have care at least till Sept.

Also a lot post of facebook and just assume that translates into telling everyone forgetting that not all important people in their lives are actually on their facebook.

The fact she denied it or at least didn't admit it is a bit strange and what I might do is give it a week and then come right out and ask her. Say something like since the daughter continued to make comments and since it impacts your income etc you feel you need to get to the bottom of it. While it isn't something you normally just come out and ask someone, in this case since you know it is a baby and not just that she put on weight. Tell her that you are seeing signs that it might be true and not sure why the information hasn't been shared (not sure I would mention facebook) but that there are many things to consider as far as daycare/maternity leave goes and you will work with her to sort out what is best for everyone. Then leave it at that.

If she does continue to deny it or at least not admit to it then as a caregiver I would be concerned and might consider advertising for a new child for January. That way the family has care till the baby is born and you are available for the first month while mom recovers but then you need the stability of knowing the space is filled so the family is on their own and since mom is on mat leave you won't be putting anyone out. Then if you have any extra days the older one could come fine and if not well fine for you too. As long as mom know she is secure till the end of the year that should help. But it also gives you all summer to play around with ideas and bring them up in conversations but also Aug to Dec to find someone to start after Christmas.

And I would be regularly checking into her facebook to watch for phrases like my mom is coming for a month and then motherinlaw for a month or my unemployed cousin has offered to come and help out with both kids....

re: the waiting to wait until AFTER the 2nd trimester....then why tell everyone on your facebook?? ]"***** wants to let everyone know she is going tto be a big sister[/I]" on April 8th, over a month go and due date Nov. 3rd....that puts her around 15 weeks along now.

We even talked about it three weeks ago when I mentioned a new baby coming in my family, then I said how my family is the type that "pees on the stick" and tells everyone right away, we don't wait. She then said "yeah us too" :unsure:

It very well could be that shes unsure about daycare and I'd understand that...I just feel so unimportant



Time to start advertising ASAP!!

I told DH this morning and he didnt say anything......then he just replied with "send her a text saying by-the-way, Congratulations or on Sunday wish her a Happy Mothers Day x2" :laugh: I wouldnt do that but it's funny to think it :P

I don't know. it all sounds very fishy to me. maybe she dreamt that she told you haha I'm the type of person that would write out an email to my daycare provider and communicate what is happening and what my fears are. Because I know that hiding it would just make it worse. It seems very strange that she is not admitting or denying. I would just bring it flat out. "Your daughter told me you guys are having a baby! Congratulations! That's so exciting!" Don't approach her negatively and say "I need to know for my wellbeing." Just make it obvious that you know and that you think it a great thing! that you're excited for her. When she realizes you're not upset or whatever, she will most likely open up. When the time is closer (9 months is a long time) you guys can talk about what is happening. In my contract, it states that they give me 3 weeks notice before leaving, so contractially, she doesn't have to inform you that she will be leaving until it gets much closer to the time. Just approach her in a posivite way. If you know, there's no sense in playing games. Take the step and make it seem amazing and it will all come together after that :)

I really like what samroo said about just telling her in a happy/positive manner that "Annie" Told me you're having a baby - congratulations !" and go from there.

I know I was really scared to tell my provider and didn't know how to bring it up when I had my son in daycare and got preggo with my second. I am the least confrontational person and didn't know a good way to bring it up and i couldn't decided WHEN etc. I think one day I wore something that was clearly a maternity shirt and made some comment about how it was going to be hard waddling up her front steps soon but it was hard for me to say.

In retrospect I am not even sure why I was so unsure of how to tell her. She wasn't upset and I didn't expect her to be but I guess it was just hard to bridge our day to day conversation about my son into something more personal about my body and a baby or something. Don't take it personal.

When my daughter was in daycare we got pregnant with our second child after she had been in daycare for only 2 weeks. I didn't tell my provider right away because we just wanted to wait before we told everyone, however, my tummy had other ideas and it was obvious right from the start (seriously like at 4 weeks I had a little paunch). Anyways, my provider just came out and asked me, and while I embarrassed I just told her the truth, and she had no problems with it.
I was afraid to tell her too because I felt bad knowing I couldn't afford to keep my daughter in her care while on mat leave and knowing my daughter would only be there a short while, I felt like I was wasting her time.

One of my daycare families didn't tell me until they were 19 weeks! I couldnt tell because it was during the winter so she always had her winter coat on, plus she's a little on the bigger side so there was never a clear 'bump'. Honestly, I have no idea why they waited so long, just one day she said "Well, I think we should tell you now that **** is going to be a big brother! We want to keep him coming because he loves it here so much and we want this baby to come here as well once he/she's 1". It almost sounded practiced the way she said it, even though I was overjoyed for her. Even though she told me later than usual though it didn't phase me, 4-5 months is plenty of time to arrange for new clients if need be, if they had decided to pull their child during mat leave. Maybe they're still trying to figure out what their plans are as far as continuing with childcare when the baby comes, etc.

By June/July she won't be able to hide it anymore anyways and that is probably plenty of time to replace the child by the end of the year. At that point you can make up your mind what you want to do and simply inform the mom. It isn't like she could leave since very few other caregivers would take her being already pregnant for just a couple months.

Unless you are going to have a space to also take the baby next year then there really is no benefit to you to let the older child come unless it is going to be fulltime. And even if the parents agree to this they only have to give you the number of weeks in your contract notice that child will stay home with mommy now.

Also have a plan in your mind how you will handle the return if the space opens for a child leaving for school ie Sept but mom isn't returning to work till November.

Yup, I had a daycare family that never once said a word. Not during the interview (she would have been in her first tri, though, so okay), not for the next 4 months. Their son spilled the beans and I finally said "So I hear that congratulations are in order? How wonderful!" This was also a family that had BRUTAL communication skills, so no surprise.
I also think that you should say "So-and-so keeps mentioning her "baby". Do you have great news?" BIG happy grin.
I think people feel like we are going to be so mad. To me, it's just part of the business. When I get a one year old, and he/she is the first baby. I really only anticipate to have them one or two years tops, before baby #2 comes along. Just how it is!
Perhaps she hasn't said anything because she isn't really a "planner". So she doesn't figure it's going to impact you until fall anyway.
I do think it's odd, but more so because I am also the type of person who spills the beans as soon as the egg is fertilized. LoL

MammaMia, we can wait for the word together because this is happening to me right now!!! My 4 year old girl who tells me everything that happens at home, hehe, the parents should be blushing, told me that her "Mom is working on a baby sister." So me and my big mouth, I told the Mom that her daughter mentioned this and asked her if there was anything I should know? The Mom laughed and said, no not yet. But this Mom has a belly and I was afraid if I asked I would be insulting her but hey, I have to take care of my business, so I don't feel at all guilty for asking.

Mini-Update:
DCG's mom has been all over FB about feeling the baby move and the weight shes gaining etc. just last week she was announcing that she had her OB appointment that day.....then shared that the baby is bigger than normal for the age they thought s/he was so they're moving her due date up a week & half..........she's now due OCTOBER 26!!! (YES I have been creeping her profile, it's the only way I know whats going on...)

That means she's 18+ weeks along, everyone on FB knows whats going on and is well aware and she STILL has NOT told me!!! It's getting pretty obvious, she's got a BUMP, I'll give her another week...maybe - if nothing then I'm just going to ask "so when's the due date?" Like really, I'm not an idiot....

I have my life to plan out too. You can text me throughout the day talking about hhow your manager is switching hours and your boss is being weird etc but can't say "hey I'm pregnant, we don't know what we're doing re:daycare yet, but I thought you'd like to know since I look like I'm hiding a graprfruit under my shirt everyday" :blink:

I even thought of just sending her a friend request on FB :laugh: since her profice pic is the ultrasound it would be a no brainer!

or

due to dcg's condition she's doing a walk for sick kids and I did sponsor her....maybe I should "share" the link to my ppl and she would see uh oh she was on my profile...

This is bugging me to no end! LOL I won't do any of these things to be honest but it's funny just to think of her reaction and what she'd say at PU....

I would TOTALLY send her a friend request on facebook LOL
Just tell her the kid told you. It's disrespectful that she still hasn't told you. It's a little ridiculous actually. I have a mom who just told me this morning. She's 20 weeks, which seems a little long to have waited to tell me but the little boys has only been here for 2 months, so I understand why they didn't tell me. She's being totally disrespectful. I wouldn't give it more time bc it's clear she's not going to tell her.

Since you KNOW she's pregnant, don't worry about insulting her if you say you've noticed. It's not like she's going to turn around and tell you she's just fat lol if it's obvious, then say something. You have a right to protect your business

And this is why I have my settings on.....

But that aside, can you write her a letter (email), stating that while you understand that she may be aprehensive about telling you--that open comunication with you is a must.....(in your own words)Leave your feelings out of it, and say that you would like to help her in any way you can with this transition...DO NOT FRIEND HER ON FACEBOOK...

That would not serve any purpose, it would only get you pissed off even more

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Originally Posted by dodge__driver11

And this is why I have my settings on.....

But that aside, can you write her a letter (email), stating that while you understand that she may be aprehensive about telling you--that open comunication with you is a must.....(in your own words)Leave your feelings out of it, and say that you would like to help her in any way you can with this transition...DO NOT FRIEND HER ON FACEBOOK...

That would not serve any purpose, it would only get you pissed off even more

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LIke I said above I wouldn't do any of those things...but it's fun to think "what if" sometimes LOL

And I know what you mean about FB settings....you can't even search my name and I like it that way. If I want you in my 'circle' I'll find you or I already have another way to keep in touch. I'm so anal about it, I check my setting about once a month to make sure nothing new was added that changed anything....

I agree I would just say that daughter spilled the beans on her and clear the air - I hate the unknown as well and would plant the seed of reminder that as much notice as possible of changes to care is appreciated

To be honest, I wouldn't say or do anything. IF they want to tell me it's fine if they don't still fine. I would just put up my ad. and I will see what happens while I interview other families. She has to let you know soon anyway when her belly gets bigger:) You have 6 months to find a replacement if that was the case. If not you will end up having a waiting list:) I really wouldn't worry as you have plenty of time.

Sine they have waited this long to say something and still aren't, I would be using the calendar and picking a date about a month after she would be due and advertising to replace the child.

My guess is she is afraid you will turf them right away and it is possible that they did mention the pregnancy in the first few interviews and immediately got turned down so they planned to keep it to themselves as long as possible. And confronting her might get you that answer.

Having dealt with several pregnant families in the last few years my gut says they will say they will stay but then change their minds at the last minute or a month or two into the leave once her strength comes back ie 6 weeks.

You would have every right to sign on a new family and then when she starts talking about it finally let on at that time that you have known all along but were waiting for her to say something and when she didn't you felt you had to protect your business so you are very sorry but that you have replaced the child with a new one and hope big sister will have fun home with mom and baby on mat leave.

Remember that whatever email address you are using for Facebook, people can search for you that way. You can just copy and paste any email address in search on Facebook and any account that is attached will show up.

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Originally Posted by DaycareLulu

Remember that whatever email address you are using for Facebook, people can search for you that way. You can just copy and paste any email address in search on Facebook and any account that is attached will show up.

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I don't think so....I guess depending on YOUR settings.

I was with girlfriend last week (she created a business account) and tried to add me via using the email address in the search and came up empty! I changed my settings, then she found me and once I accepted I changed my setting right back to the way they were :)

There is a setting under Privacy that asks - Who can look you up using the email address or phone number you provided? and you can choose a) everyone b)friends of friends c) friends
I have freinds selected on mine :)

Personally it wouldn't bother me. She has told her friends and family as she should but she is under no obligation to mention it to her employers or people who provide services to her. She still has five months to go. I don't think there is anything disrespectful about it. If she does plan on pulling her child then as long as she gives you the proper amount of time to fill the spot, then so what? Yes it is inconvenient but for now it is also her own personal business to share with whom and when she wants.

At this point, depending on the relationship that you have with her, I would totally say "Oh, I hear congratulations are in order! So when's the due date? Do you know what you're having?" If she asks how you found out, tell her you had your suspicions for a while but that Little One told you.
This could be an awkward conversation, if you didn't know FOR SURE already. If I was just guessing or going by what a two year old said, there is no way I would mention it!
I think its really weird that she hasn't told you, but as was mentioned above, it's not like she HAS to. She is likely worried that you are going to be pissed off. And even if you are; you can't be cranky, since as long as she gives you proper notice, she's not technically doing anything wrong.
Let us know how this goes, ok? :)

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Originally Posted by zen39

Personally it wouldn't bother me. She has told her friends and family as she should but she is under no obligation to mention it to her employers or people who provide services to her. She still has five months to go. I don't think there is anything disrespectful about it. If she does plan on pulling her child then as long as she gives you the proper amount of time to fill the spot, then so what? Yes it is inconvenient but for now it is also her own personal business to share with whom and when she wants.

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Sorry, I don't agree with that - When you are affecting my financial situation, it IS my business.

I think the point is that either way the caregiver knows and knows when she needs to advertise a space for. It is the parent that is going to lose out when she finds that her deceptiveness cost her a spot in daycare when she says oh xxxx is goign to stay 2 days a week and caregiver says sorry when I found out about the pregnancy 6 months ago I went ahead and replaced your child because you didn't tell me you would still be using the spot once your mat leave started.

I agree with the last two posts, Mammamia & playfelt. You have to be informed so that you can advertise and fill your upcoming empty space. Why wouldn't this woman give you times and dates and information? It seems really selfish of her not to keep you in the loop. Weird.

There is still five months to go...lots of time for her to share the news and NO it is not your business right now. Does your contract say that five months has to be given for notice...of course not. You probably request 4 to 6 weeks so that you can post, interview and fill. Yes it is a huge inconvenience but her pregnancy is none of your business.

We need to separate the personal from the business. If I was closing down my daycare and knew well in advance, I certainly wouldn't inform my parents 5 months in advance. I would give them my 6 weeks as stated in the contract.

Sure it would be nice to know ahead of time, but by no means are you entitled to it as this point!

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Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia

Sorry, I don't agree with that - When you are affecting my financial situation, it IS my business.

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I agree she doesn't have to tell you ..... So I would say she is either not telling you because she is either not taking her child out and therefore no change needs to be made or she is keeping her child home with her during mat leave and she's afraid you will fill her spot now and give her notice .... So if you only ask for two weeks written notice to end care then that's all she's required to give you. But if it bothers you that much then say "Susie says she's going to be a big sister congrats ". Then its out in the open. Then you could say are you keeping Susie in care while you are on leave or should I start advertising for fall? There's nothing wrong with that and then you would have your answer. Then I would advertise anyway just in case

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Originally Posted by zen39

There is still five months to go...lots of time for her to share the news and NO it is not your business right now. Does your contract say that five months has to be given for notice...of course not. You probably request 4 to 6 weeks so that you can post, interview and fill. Yes it is a huge inconvenience but her pregnancy is none of your business.

We need to separate the personal from the business. If I was closing down my daycare and knew well in advance, I certainly wouldn't inform my parents 5 months in advance. I would give them my 6 weeks as stated in the contract.

Sure it would be nice to know ahead of time, but by no means are you entitled to it as this point!

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I agree with Mamma_mia. It may not be "her business" but it comes down to lack of respect. Mom should have the respect and understanding to know that she should be telling her daycare provider that she's pregnant. It's not fait to anyone that what will happen is unclear. I just found out one of my families is pregnant, and that she was pregnant when the little boy started and that they've been aware of it the entire time. She's 20 weeks pregnant and just telling me now. I feel cheated, lied to, and disrespected. If they'd told me in the beginning, I wouldn't be upset and I wouldn't have shown them the door.
The woman who is hiding her pregnancy is being disrespectful and a coward. Clearly, she's afraid of the consequences of telling. And she's probably having just as much stress about it because she's afraid that if she says anything, they're going to lose their daycare provider. But their daycare provider is worried that she will be left out in the cold.
Personally, at this point, I would be letting them go. Mom has to realize that word spread, her kids not dumb, and neither is the daycare provider.
The minute I find a replacement, I'm letting my family go out of principle. And I'm going to tell them that I'm letting them go because she lied to me, and purposely kept vital information from me. It's great that they told me now, when I still have 4 months to find someone to replace them, but the fact remains that they were DISHONEST and I don't associate with people like that

And yes, there is DEFINITELY difference here between business and personal, but we work SO closely with these people, that the two tend to mesh into one and it's unavoidable. But this is a business issue. Especially since it's slow at the moment, and finding clients take time. The fact that she isn't saying anything, and it's clearly OBVIOUS, is just ridiculous in my mind. If I was working at a regular job, and waited until I was 8 months pregnant to tell my boss I was pregnant and going on Mat leave in 4 weeks, they would be EXTREMELY unhappy. You actually HAVE TO tell your boss by the time you're 20 weeks pregnant. Why should this be any different?

Those are my two cents.

There is something in the water where I live because everyone is telling me they are pregnant. I had one family tell me they were pregnant at 4 months ( a week after their 1 year old started) and another just tell me that she is 3 months pregnant ( I've had her daughter for almost a year). I have 2 off on mat leave with their second now. The first family has kept their son with me for the mat leave ( 2 days a week) while the other family is choosing to withdraw their little guy to be home with them.

I would of course prefer to know asap if a family is expecting and what they are thinking they will do in regards to daycare, but the reality is that its their decision when to tell me. I have a 2 week withdraw policy so in essence they could wait until 2 weeks before delivery to say, hey I'm pregnant and taking my child out of daycare. Of course we can see sooner by the baby bump but they really don't HAVE to tell anyone until they are comfortable.

Its not always about respect. A lot of time they fear that we will terminate them sooner than they need, sometimes its a high risk pregnancy and they are only telling certain people until they are sure its a viable pregnancy...and sometimes they really don't 'get' that they should tell us sooner rather than later. Personally, I would say that the older sibling told you and congratulate her...gets it out in the open and then you can discuss her options for daycare.

The longer you let it fester, the longer and the more it upsets you. It seems to be really upsetting you and that's not good for you. This is a hard enough job. I would just come right out and say congrats :) and go from there...they are going to decide to do whatever is best for them and there is nothing we can do to change that as providers...its just a risk we take in the job.

I pretty much convince myself that anyone who comes to daycare with their first child will be off within a year to have the second...that way its not so much of a shock when it happens lol

I agree with both points LD & MM - I guess I'm taking it a bit harder because she isn't trying to hide the bump, shes wearing tight tshirts and babydoll tops that really really show the bump. Then there is the fact that she talk about ti openly on her facebook page (which has no privacy settngs so someone like me who is NOT on her friends list can see/read it all). She has over 500 'friends' and I can guarentee not all of them are CLOSE friends, also due to her daughters health issues she has lots of 'support grops' who have said "congrats! thats great news, we havent seen ***** since she was 8 months old and now shes going to be a big sister, how nice" the kid is now 3yrs old...... She texts me during the day to bash her boss or manager and talk about weekend plans, at PU or DO she spends 10min chatting with me..........but can't tell me the obvious that she's pregnant.

Weird = yes!
Rude & Disrespectful = in MY opinion yes!

Oh and at this point with her due date moved up she's 19 weeks along now...

Maybe she just assumes you know

Sounds like you have a really close relationship with her, almost to the point of friends? I can totally understand why you are having a hard time with it. It is so hard not to become friends with our clients and its almost like a slap in the face that she will tell everyone else and not you, yet feels comfortable enough to tell you about all other aspects of her life. I'm sorry you have to go through this :( Maybe she really is afraid to tell you...seems really weird that she will tell you everything else and not something so important as this. I would just come right out and let her know that you know now. Is there a chance she thinks she has told you or that you would know by facebook?