Dilemma - what would you do?

Back in March I had a current daycare parent refer me one of their friends. I had met this friend once before in a social setting and they seemed like a good family so we signed on starting for July for FT care.

last Wednesday I get a call from another daycare provider I know who says she is closing and would really like to recommend a 15 mo old boy to me and that his parents are great and would I interview them because she has already told this family about me.

I told her - sorry I am full because I have the other child committed for July.

This weekend I got an email from the mother of DC child #1 and she tells me she is having a baby in december and would I still provide care for those 5 months or she would understand if I say no.

I reply okay.

Then this morning a light bulb finally goes off in my head when I think about daycare child #2 who the other daycare provider was referring to me and I wonder if I made a mistake.

Should I tell the pregnant mom I changed my mind and interview the other child? Should I stick with my original commitment? My mind is spinning and weighing things every which way.

Both kids are full time but at least the second option would hopefully be staying longer and he is already older.
What would you do??

Oh boy; that IS a tough one. Myself, I would be inclined to stick with the original commitment...just as an honor thing, and on the bright side, you may get another full time (new sibling) down the road? Good luck with whatever you choose:)

Well, before making any decisions, I would maybe interview family #2, since they might not even be a fit anyways.
Is dck#1 planning on staying during mat leave?
I'm in the same position as you sort of. I have to make a decision to keep a boy who is temporary with the potential to be permanent or to take on a little girl with better hours in September.
This is the part of running a daycare I don't like...decisions, decisions.

Good luck with what ever you decide!

I would stay with the first as well... just as a moral thing. If I committed to her then I stay with her. She may decide she wants to leave her child with you Part Time during her mat leave... I had a client sign on knowing she was pregnant in September and with full intent to remove him from care for her mat leave. But, she now loves me so much and he's so comfortable she's not only leaving him with me, she's also paying a holding fee and leaving a deposit for baby number 2!

That's where I am torn...

there is the right/moral thing to do to stick to the original commitment and stand united in womanhood since she is preggo:) Been there and of course I can empathize with where she is coming from. It is a happy time for her to plan her family.

Then again - option 1 only is worth about 5 months of income and could be less if the mom gets put on bedrest or medical leave and I need to also think of it as a business.

option 2 covers my butt financially and might be safer in the long run.

I don't blame the mom for not telling me sooner because she would have already known when she initially made contact with me. She has no obligation to tell me....But at that time I had someone else also wanting the spot who was a great match and I declined them for the sake of mother #1. In retrospect that hurts a bit because I felt a real connection with that original mom before the referral mom. The mom at that time knew I had someone else interested but of course it was in her best interest to keep quiet because I probably would have decided differently.

I guess having two people to choose from isn;t the worst problem one could have but it still sucks and is confusing

honestly - i would do whats best for you and your business, financially and sanity.

I'm sorry, I can't help because I'm in a similar situation. I just had two interviews and I have one space and I like both families a lot and they both want the space and I'm FREAKING OUT!!! What to do, what to do? Good luck with your decision!!!

So originally the issue was that I had signed a family in the spring and then found out they were pregnant (mom told me) and she offered that she would understand if I want to back out since I would only have the little DCK in care 5 months before she leaves on mat leave.

I told her I was okay to still do it since she was a referral from one of my current daycare families.

Then last week I had another daycare provider refer me another full time child that I had to decline because of this commitment I made to dcmom #1.

Now this morning I get approached by a lady who I interviewed with 2 years ago...she now has 2 kids and her daycare is closing and she wants to go with me.

is this a cruel joke ...am I being tested to see whether I make the right decision....or is the universe warning me away from DCmom #1? :eek::confused:

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Originally Posted by Spixie33

is this a cruel joke ...am I being tested to see whether I make the right decision....or is the universe warning me away from DCmom #1? :eek::confused:

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Interesting that you say that. Mom #1 gave you an out. At the time you didn't take it. Was it because you thought any money for a short time was better than non since you didn't have other options as in you said ok for the wrong reason. We talk a lot on these boards about how sometimes we take the FIRST family that comes along instead of holding out for the RIGHT family.

Maybe you are being shown that you don't have to settle but can do what is right for your group. I think it would be worth interviewing both potential families and then weighing it against the interview information letting the pregnancy part just be an extra piece of info. If that didn't apply which family would you have signed on and then maybe it would be worth actually doing it.

So is my understanding that the pregnant client has not yet STARTED care with you - she was due to start July 1st and is now admitting that the arrangement will be short term because she is pregnant?

Cause that is a tough one ... normally I am a I made a commitment I will see it through as long as the other person is respectful and following my contract - however seeing as the mother has given you an OUT and the child has not even STARTED care yet I might be inclined to call her back and tell her you have been reflecting on her call and initially you said it was ok cause you did not want to put her out and you had made a commitment however you have now been thinking about her CHILD and are concerned that a short term care arrangement might not be in his best interest and were wondering if they had a 'back up plan' and that was why she had given you an out - that you wanted to double check that they really WANTED care and that they too were not just going to send him as some sort of obligation? Maybe they have family who could care for that 'short time frame'??? Plus in addition that it would be easier for the program to enroll for Summer/Fall than trying to find someone in the middle of winter because the pool for new cleints tends to be lower.


Good luck in your choice - sometimes it does not hurt to ask more questions and just explain your point of view and find a common middle ground - might be an arrangement that works out for everyone!!!

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Interesting that you say that. Mom #1 gave you an out. At the time you didn't take it. Was it because you thought any money for a short time was better than non since you didn't have other options as in you said ok for the wrong reason. .

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Great question. My reasons for agreeing are
1- One daycare family is BFF with the new daycare mom and recommended her . It gets complicated to then ditch the arrangement
2-I had already announced the coming July daycare child via newsletter and verbally to some parents so felt embarrassed if I renege on that.
3- I was thinking that a few thousand dollars of income is still better than nothing because I didn't like the idea of interviewing and advertising again and had already started to look forward to the extra income next month

Of course now all these options are coming and the great thing about them are that they are not based on my ads but because people are recommending me or have met me before and seem to like what I do with my daycare.

I feel really confused between my original commitment because I don't take it lightly vs the opportunity financially and longer term for the daycare. The mother who approached me today actually had kids that would fit in better age wise because I have a few three year olds and one of hers is 3.

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

Good luck in your choice - sometimes it does not hurt to ask more questions and just explain your point of view and find a common middle ground - might be an arrangement that works out for everyone!!!

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I may just probe a few more questions.....great idea

I just don't want to ruin a guaranteed thing, risk the relationship with the dcp who recommended this parent and then in the end be left standing with nothing. KWIM? That is the fear

I empathize ... personally if the pregnant parent was not using the offer of an out as a hope that you would TAKE IT cause she wants out of her commitment too and feels trapped because of the friendship of your other client than I would keep my commitment if she needs and wants the care for 5 months - keep the referrals contact info and put them on a 'wait list' for the next space cause you never know what might happen between now and few weeks someone else might get laid off and so forth - things often have a way of working out.

You have 5 months notice to advertize and find a replacement for the client you've committed to - so much can happen in 5 months time for sure!

Personally while I get the desire to ditch a client you know is leaving anyway (struggling with that temptation myself but holding strong to seeing it through til August) ... IMO we have to keep karma in mind when we are making our business decisions - it is not necessarily BEST to terminate a client who has not shown JUST CAUSE (aka breach of contract) just for a better financial option because it can have negative impacts that affect FUTURE options for us .... if you are getting a lot of word of mouth referrals it is likely because people find you fair and professional and TRUST you - you want to PROTECT that by behaving in a manner that is conducive to that ..... IMO terminating a now pregnant mama because she is only going to need 5 months of care in favor of what seems like a 'better financial deal' might turn out to bite you in the ass if word of mouth travels that this is your practice :(

I understand that it sucks for us when clients we had thought would be 'long term' turn out to be short term I really do .... however it is a risk we assume when being self employed basically the biggest commitment we have from clients is the 'notice periods' we negotiate into our contracts - I also get that it feels we have been 'lied to' when someone signs on and does not disclose their family status - but the fact remains that pregnant women are under no obligation to 'inform' us of their pregnancy when they enter into a contract and 'discriminating' against a women and refusing her service based on her pregnancy is against the Human Rights Code ... doing so could find your business sued which is a huge financial risk for sure!

Very good points Reggio. The karma thing is what I am afraid of and I do recall when I was pregnant with my second one that my employer gave me such a hard time for being pregnant again and I don't want to add stress to her life/pregnancy.

It is just tough to think that I am giving up a total of 4 good people I have come across since that interview in March for only a 5 month stretch but it is the luck of the draw.

I prayed about it during lunch and sort of feel like I have come to the conclusion that I need to stick this out. It would be too awkward to explain to her BFF that I am 'dumping' her referral/and best friend and also cannot compose an email to the pregnant mom without sounding like a jerk. Believe me - I have a few drafts in my draft folder to prove it and I didn't like how it sounded.

Le Sigh.

I just love how good it is to bounce thoughts off the ladies here. When I ask my husband he is so confused with all the parents I am referring to and then he asks me to get to the point or say it simply for him. YOu know that women want to say the looooooong version...lol

Because the two women are good friends I probably would try bouncing something off the parent in care now. Mention the dilemma in the sense of XXX told me about her pregnancy and I am thrilled for her. I know that means she will only need care until December. You knew her with her first pregnancy, did she stay at work the whole time or start mat leave early. Why I am asking is I have been approached by another caregiver that is closing down and needs care for one of her clients and also be a parent that had interviewed me a year ago that went with someone else but they are now closing so the parent immediatly thought of me and asked if I had spaces. I really don't know parent XXX very well since we just had that one meeting back in March. Do you think I am safe or use whatever wording you want here - to continue with her for the five months knowing I can count on that income and turn down these other people.

The current parent is probably going to either rat her friend out to save her situation or not really say much but you can bet the info will get back to the pregnant mom. Then hopefully if she plans to ditch you or had other options when she gave you the out that she will be honest - ie tell the friend to tell you. I am a chicken when it comes to things like this but just like in references friends do say different things when given a chance.