Lied to.......Advice please

Just wanted some advice on a situation I had with my daycare client. They asked me to take their 4 year old girl into my daycare. I was led to believe that this would be a permanent situation. She told me that they preferred a home daycare because she had a very difficult time interacting in a large group and would do much better with a small group. A year later the mom says to me that she will be switching to the school daycare. Apparently she was on the waiting list for the school daycare this whole time. She really enjoyed her time in my daycare but the spot opened up. The school daycare was definitely mentioned in random conversations but failed to tell me that she was on the waiting list. Do I have a right to be upset? She's entitled to do whatever she wants and to terminate the arrangement according to our contract policies but, really, morally this shows me how unethical a person she really is. I felt like I was lied to so I wouldn't jeopardize her childcare situation but then jeopardized mine because it left me in a financial strait! What do you think? Has this happened to anyone?

similar stuff happens to me all the time. sometimes people will call for care and through the convo I get a feeling they may only be looking for temp care by the things they say throughout our talk but I'm no fool, by the end of the talk I will come right out and ask if they plan this to be more temporary? sometimes they will admit so........UGGH! why didnt you say so to begin with???? you know why? day care is hard to find, if you are honest that you plan to be temp until something better or cheaper comes along the provider mught tell you to take a hike! so......if your a creap...YOU LIE!!!! lots of creaps around.

had something like that happen to me. have a mom who looked like she was gaining wieght for a while. of course i didnt say anything!!! about 4 monthes later come to find out she's pregnant!!!! why wouldnt you tell your provider???? oh...because your not sure you want to send your new baby to her. (trying to get onto a free program in tribal care center down the road) the only thing is babys not tribal and the care center takes tribal babies first. still plans to send older child to me though!!! talk about dishonesty! i have loved your daughter for 11 hours a day for 3.5 years and thats the thanks i get. "no thanks, we'll take the new baby where daycare is FREE" betchya thats great care!!!!

Your feelings are your feelings you are entitled to them regardless of what others think .... however based on this

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Originally Posted by bibi

... The school daycare was definitely mentioned in random conversations but failed to tell me that she was on the waiting list.

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I myself would not be angry with the client for choosing to move to school based care ... it sounds like she was TRYING to tell you or present the topic for discussion during the past year by 'dropping' the concept into random conversations?

Sometimes clients THINK they have kept us informed but sadly we are either busy with the kids while they talk and not really 'listening' or we honestly have 'denial ear's' where we just choose not to pay attention those things that should have been cues for use to probe deeper as to what they meant and so forth?

Plus her initial reason for choosing 'home care' might have changed now too ~ I am assuming that the child has been in JK this past year getting 'used' to larger school groups or even if she has not she has had another year to develop her social skills and be in a 'better place' with the larger ratio options and my guess is definitely going into school in September if she is now 5 ~ so their reasons have 'changed' it is not necessarily that she was lying back than?

Do you offer before and after school transport for her school to keep accommodating her once in school full time? Cause honestly this is something that is likely in the best interest of this family if you do not because those spots are hard to come by so if she does not take it now it might not present it self when the child is in Grade 1 and so forth and you are not able to serve her ~ she needs to be thinking of her long term childcare needs and unfortunately we cannot always provide those.

How much notice is she required to give that she has put you in a financial strait? Cause I know turnover sucks but the fact remains it is a consistent occurrence in this line of business ~ while I have been fortunate that 99% of my clients give me MONTHS of notice my contract technically only requires two weeks notice to terminate it ~ which if why I try to keep a nice buffer of savings in my business account so that if I am suddenly without a client I can draw on that if need be!

I honestly don`t think you should take it so personally. Obviously, if they are keeping the older child with you, they are happy with your daycare. As a parent, if I had an option to have my child in a free daycare (providing that it is a good daycare), I have to say I would take that option too over paying $800-$1000 more per month for the second child. It is a financial reality for parents that childcare is very expensive, so given a cheaper option if the parents feel that the child will be equally well-cared for in that situation, I don't blame them for choosing it. I am not sure what you mean by "tribal", but I am assuming it is perhaps for First Nations children and perhaps the program is also geared toward their particular needs? Anyway, I wouldn't be taking it personally!

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Originally Posted by kidlove

had something like that happen to me. have a mom who looked like she was gaining wieght for a while. of course i didnt say anything!!! about 4 monthes later come to find out she's pregnant!!!! why wouldnt you tell your provider???? oh...because your not sure you want to send your new baby to her. (trying to get onto a free program in tribal care center down the road) the only thing is babys not tribal and the care center takes tribal babies first. still plans to send older child to me though!!! talk about dishonesty! i have loved your daughter for 11 hours a day for 3.5 years and thats the thanks i get. "no thanks, we'll take the new baby where daycare is FREE" betchya thats great care!!!!

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you are angry because you would never do this to someone else. This says alot about your good character. Unfortunately there are some people who will abuse people like you with a kind, trusting nature. Something similar happened to me and like you I was furious and hurt. In hindsight now I realize I was wrong to take it so personally and just realized the parent I was dealing with was not as nice and ethical and honest as I had thought. Over time you will develope a thick skin but you will still never not be surprised that this will occur again because it is not in your nature to do this. Take a deep breath and try not to let it bother you any longer.:)

In response to kangaroomama: :) i suppose i should point out, I am from Michigan, US. "Tribal" is Native American. We are surrounded by Native American Land/Reservations. On the reservations they provide child care, but have the right to choose their "own" over other races. Therefore keeping the funding there for those children. BUT, the one thing I do know about the tribal program is unfortunately it doesnt have a great reputation. I have had mothers that work @ the tribal daycare center and dropped their child to me when they worked. :( also Tribal mothers who have oppted the free care for paying me for child care. Stating "i wouldn't bring my dog there". I personally have never been there but given the opinions of others, i do question the quality of care. (i have also been in many trainings with girls who work there, and completely understand the opinions) I guess my point is this: I know i provide high quality care, i love these kids like my own, parents are always telling me they are so glad to have such a caring provider (as they should). Why compromise your childs well being to save a buck. I know money is hard to come by these days, and daycare IS expensive, especially w/ mult kids. but....wouldn't you rather sacrifce smwhere else in order to give oyur child the best care possible. I just couldnt imagine sending my child smwhere where they would get questionable care. especially an infant who has no voice of their own. Cant help but take the situation a little personal because we dont just do bus, together, we have become friends ovr the past three yrs. Didnt even know they werehaving another baby until the three yr old spilled the beans to me. hmm, just tht i would have known a little sooner thats all.

bibi: I know exactly how you feel also re: being in a financial straight. your money may not work the same as other providers, maybe they have dual income in their home an dyou dont, maybe you have bigger bills to pay or more children to feed. what ever it may be, its def. not always easy to have a savings set aside to dip into when things are tight. I know everytime i get that savings up "life" happens. We had 90 degree weather last week, drained the savings to buy new fridge!!! my point...money isn't always there, thats why we do what we do, when we lose a client unexpected, we could have just lost our car payment or gas bill. I feel you. :)

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Originally Posted by kidlove

bibi: I know exactly how you feel also re: being in a financial straight. your money may not work the same as other providers.... my point...money isn't always there, thats why we do what we do, when we lose a client unexpected, we could have just lost our car payment or gas bill. I feel you. :)

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I agree to some extent ~ everyone has different household resources and budgets to work with and yes emergencies happen that are a drain your those resources ~ but the fact that we should have a PLAN in place regardless is still prudent advice in this field and well basically in any household ~ if loosing a client means you cannot make a BASIC BILL payment than IMO you need to reevaluate your BUDGET and see where you can cut back to create a buffer!

This it is part of the problem with our culture we live beyond our means and scrape by pay cheque to pay cheque and 95% of the population are drowning in debt so if something happens to our income we are stressed beyond belief ~ yet look at how many people have multiple cellphones in their homes with all that fancy 'packages' or people are lining up for miles for the newest 'electronic gadget' and Tim Hortons and the Movie business are THRIVING because everyone has money for eating out and going to a show and so forth?

Sadly this is not about poverty ~ this lack of planning happens in households with incomes of $25,000 and $250,000 because instead of living within THEIR income they are working with a budget a good $10,000 - $100,000 over their actual income and going more and more in debt and if they miss a payment or two their whole word comes crumbling down around them because creditors want their money!

I have a family member whose household income was over $500,000 for decades ... they should have been able to OWN a home and a bunch of other investments that would hold them over in tight times but instead they 'traveled' and had wardrobes out the wazoo and all the latest gadgets ~ they spent fortune on their 4 boys 'toys' with every kid having their own computer that they upgraded every year and so forth and so somehow despite earning more in a year than I earn in 25 ... they had managed to be in DEBT so bad that in a blink of an eye when the economy shifted they lost it ALL ... bank took what equity they had in their house back and foreclosed their mortgage, they lost their cars cause they never 'owned' them they leased them so they could have a 'new one' every year, they had to auction off all their 'fancy stuff' to pay creditors and are now living in the basement of his mothers house with basically nothing to show for all those years cause the business is bankrupt and he is now working for someone else and well sorry but it was hard to have too much 'empathy' for them because with an income like that they should not have HAD DEBT in the first place and definitely should have had SAVINGS to get them though tough times but they CHOSE to live beyond their means even earning $500,000 a year and now IMO cannot be angry blaming others because when times got tight and their business income dried up cause people stopped using their services ~ but he does he does not think any of this is 'his fault'?

My point is that regardless of your household income when you are NEW and deciding to enter into this field this is something that any business person should be considering and planning for how to deal with ~ the reality of being self employed specially in this business is that there are no guaranteed income and it constantly can fluctuate because clients get laid off, pregnant, move, family emergencies, illness and their needs just 'change' or the kids just outgrow our programs ... turnover is a REALITY and in order to be successful in this business one has to have an action plan to deal with this cause often home childcare is feast or famine ~ there are either lots of clients to choose from and you have no issue being full and you are turning them away or it is 'quiet' out there and no one is looking and you are down 1/5 or 2/5 your income ~ if you need that income for BASIC bills to be paid verses 'extras' like entertainment / clothes / gifts and so forth than you should likely reconsider if it would be best to be 'employed' where income is more consistent and stable!

Honestly I do not say this lightly ~ at the time I started contemplating doing this our household budget including paying child support for my stepson and step daughter that was more than the average mortgage payment right off the top of our budget because we had not control of that ~ they come from different mothers and the courts do not take into account you are paying child support to another person when setting it nor any of your other 'expenses' ~ they just look at your income and X is what you pay based on that .... so in order to make my business plan happen we downsized our mortgage by buying a house that was a 1/2 what the bank offered us but was in an area my business could thrive, we sold off some of our 'collections' stuff we had collected over the years but really did not 'need' and got help lower our consumer debt, we changed our meals and entertainment budget to only going out every 'season' and put what we had been spending into getting 'debt' free of all 'consumer' debt and than created a savings account for me so that I had a 'buffer' of thee months to get up to at least 3 clients in my daycare to meet my 'break even' threshold .... and even with all that planning and preparing my 2nd year of business my spouse got medically released from his job and was unemployed for 9 months ~ so yes stuff happens but thankfully if you hope for the best but PLAN for the worse you can make it through without loosing the roof over your head or your vehicle being repossessed!

You know, a few years ago I would have told you to just terminate them immediately. But now, I guess maybe I have mellowed or something. :p (yes, hard to believe, I know :laugh:). But I recently had this happen to me. Similar situation where I was assured a kid was not going off to pre-school at a later date even though, given what I knew about their family, I felt it necessary to ask POINT BLANK. So, in the end, yes, they lied to me.

But I kept them in care until their end date. Yes, again, shocking, I know.

WHY did I do this?

Well, in short, I have learned that had I gotten pissed off and reacted to it (yes, I was angry but I took time before reacting out of haste) then I would have had a spot open that had not been filled at a time that was the hardest part of the year to fill. So, instead, I kept them on, KEPT THEIR income and it gave me time to patiently find a WAY more awesome family to replace them in August.

So, if they are otherwise following rules, paying on time and the kid is good then I would keep them, advertise, take your time finding an awesome replacement and then go from there. NOW, IF the new client I found needed a start date that occurred before the end date of the liar family then, YES, I would tell the liar family they were done at XX date and not look back so I could accommodate the new family.

I have learned that even though I am pissed off at a family sometimes standing back and assessing what is in MY best interest and then carrying that through is far better than just making an ego-based, knee-jerk reaction and terminating them, thus, leaving the provider with an income hit. Because, at the end of the day, it is only YOU who pays the price by losing that income and stressing to fill the space. I can assure you, once you hastily terminate a family, within a few days, they will not give you a second though. Meanwhile, you are still stewing over the lost income and the nighttime interviews you have to do.

I have kids in care that started with me at 10 months that are on the wait list for school age care program. It is a centralized wait list with a list so long there is only a 60-70% chance they will get a space.

While I feel for you as I have had that happen and one of the reasons I question parents looking for care in Aug (afraid they won't get a place for Sept) and why I make it clear what the deposit is for and notice required. To have had the child for a full year is considered in my books not being lied to. Many things a parent says when they are infants changes over time as the child grows, there is pressure from familly members, they meet families in a social group and want to have all of the kids be together. Provided they gave you the required termination notice and didn't just string you along for a few weeks then it is just one of the penalties we pay for in this business and why trying to bank 3 months worth of money to cover for that child is something to strive for so there isn't as much worry when it takes awhile to fill the space.