How do you deal with "Drama Queens"?

I have been caring for a little dcg for about 6 months now. She has been a difficult child from the start. Something is ALWAYS going on with this child. She still cries a lot (often because she doesn't get her own way), and I just put her in a different room until she stops, because it disrupts the other children. I dread the days it is just her and my son because they just egg each other on and I pretty much have to deal with two whining/crying children the entire day. She always wants to be held (which I refuse to do) and as a result, she whines and cries.
Have any of you experienced a child like this? What have you done to try and curb this behaviour?
I've tried ignoring, putting her is a different room, etc... but nothing seems to work. It is exhausting to deal with and I often feel like terminating on this alone, but it just doesn't seem like enough to get rid of someone....

How old is she?

I had a drama queen (3 yrs) who pitched fits about small things like needing to keep her socks on, which barbie she got to play with, what we served for lunch etc. She is an only child and could do NOTHING for herself when she first started with me because Mom and Dad babied her so much. They catered to her every move. It definitely took awhile before she learned the ropes around here, but has settled in nicely! Once she cried for an hour because she wasn't first to go down the slide when we went outside. I told her to go finish her crying on the chair and boy did she keep it up! But I ignored her and did fun things with the kids so she really missed out. After missing out quite a bit because of her attitude, she slowly but surely came around! Good luck!

I have a drama king, but only in front of his mother and she falls for his crap. It makes me ill the way he turns it off the minute she is gone. He's been this way for 3 1/2 years so I gave up and just give him 'the look' once I close that door and he's like a lightswitch. Yep, he deserves the Oscar.

She's a year and a half. She's very much in charge at home, with mom for sure anyways.

oooh, you have a tough row to hoe with this one only because Mom just may be the problem. I have had alot of kids like this, as soon as parents come they start to ignore your authority and start the show, ooooh Mom thinks its so cute. spare me! The one thing I know is when I am done with them they are like two dif little personalities, as soon as they come through the door the game is over. They learn I've got their number and they fly right for the next 9 hrs. But as soon as Mom or Dad comes through the door, my efforts are done. I just step back and watch them morf back into a terror. If the parent ever asks "do they do this with you all day?" I just respond to them "not with me, they know better!" :) I have been spit on in front of a parent and the parent just laughed.

Ya ~ I have had my share of Drama Queens for sure ~ and I handle them the same way during the day as in front of the parent ~ use your words to discuss your needs cause that is not getting you anything!

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Originally Posted by kidlove

oooh, you have a tough row to hoe with this one only because Mom just may be the problem. ....

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LOVE this quote!

I agree

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Originally Posted by kidlove

I have been spit on in front of a parent and the parent just laughed.

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Oh that would not FLY here ~ I would have dealt with that kid in front of the parent ~ with the firm not acceptable, getting a wipe to help clean it up and apologizing for it and a FIRM reminded the parent of the CODE OF CONDUCT in my daycare and that an act of violence towards another child or adult is not FUNNY it is immediate grounds of termination so unless they want to be spending tomorrow at home with their kid seeking new childcare arrangement that I suggest they get on board with BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION and consequences at HOME for this transgression in judgement of the child!

Seriously spitting at another person is ASSUALT in the adult world ~ why should we treat it any differently cause it is a child doing it?

It is possible to make sure the children behave completely different for you than they do for their own parents. Be consistent with your rules all day every day and let them know there is no compromise. It takes practice and a lot of your energy but I do it every day and I rarely use any timeouts any more. Also, I keep them very busy.

The little boy I mentioned above is completely in charge of the family and I've told this to the Mom. She says 'I know' so what can I do? Nothing to help her, that's for sure. But this boy is good for me all day long because he knows my rules are non-negotiable. I have a 20 month old boy who is not listening right now and I'm going to be putting him in timeouts shortly it appears but I will do it all day every day until he realizes he absolutely cannot have his way at daycare, he has to behave properly.

Reggio: When the child has spit on me, I def. step up and dirrect my attention at the child stating "That is not acceptable behavior, you do not spit on people" and go further to ask him, do I spit on you? he says no, and I say of course not because I love you and respect you, you need to do the same to me. That hurts my heart.! all this time though, the parent just stares out the window, ticks me off. I should have said something to the parent re: asking the child to appoligize. Hard to explain, but some people are just different. and these people are a little, in the sense that their kids kind of run them.......heres the thing though, it is the PARENT not the child because during his time in care he is respectful and listens to everything I say and ask, using manners, appoligizes to others the whole nine yards. As far as I'm concerned with a child like that.....it's the parents who owe me an appology not the child. unfortunately I cant tell the parent they need to tell me they are sorry for allowing their child to treat me poorly. I just treat them all with respect and after they leave..just shake my head and pray for them. :no:

20 monthes seems to be the ripe age for "time-outs" then by the time they hit about 3, if youve been consistant...seems they have it down pat. They know what you expect of them.

Just have to add: Dont care who you are and how well you run your day care, almost every child knows (it's just human nature) when mom and dad walk through the door, your authority is no longer priority. The parent now runs the show. For me its a good example of how they work at home, some kids see their parents an dwalk the line, if I ask them to pick up, the parent gives them the look and they get right to it. However, if the parent is not authoritative you can tell because I will ask the child to pick up and the child looks at the parent for guidance, the parent doesnt re-affirm my orders and the child goes right for their shoes. sometimes if I feel it needed, i will go to the child take them by the hand in fron of parent and lead them to the mess and say, "i need you to pick up your toys before you go home" thankyou. some parents just dont help!!!

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Originally Posted by kidlove

Just have to add: Dont care who you are and how well you run your day care, almost every child knows (it's just human nature) when mom and dad walk through the door, your authority is no longer priority. The parent now runs the show. For me its a good example of how they work at home, some kids see their parents an dwalk the line, if I ask them to pick up, the parent gives them the look and they get right to it. However, if the parent is not authoritative you can tell because I will ask the child to pick up and the child looks at the parent for guidance, the parent doesnt re-affirm my orders and the child goes right for their shoes. sometimes if I feel it needed, i will go to the child take them by the hand in fron of parent and lead them to the mess and say, "i need you to pick up your toys before you go home" thankyou. some parents just dont help!!!

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Oh, I could not agree more with this! But I find the children behave so well for me when the parents are not here. It's because they know my rules and my expectations of them and what I will not tolerate and that I follow through with everything I say. Parents are too tired to do that, but it's my job.

I keep seeing references to time-outs for children who are very young. It sounds like a good idea, so I'm wondering how you enforce it. If I were to tell a child to sit on the couch and not move, and they didn't listen, what then? Would you physically restrain the child? That's where my discomfort lies. I can't physically force a child to sit in a time out unless I just pop them in the playpen. Is there a risk that the playpen is then seen as a punishment instead of their comfy resting place?
I'm of the generation who was allowed to spank my own children (not that I would ever spank a child these days!!), and for my own children, the threat of a spanking was enough to smarten them up. My granddaughter doesn't listen nearly as well as my own children did, and I'm wondering what today's alternatives are. She is 3 and a half.

I start timeouts as young as 18 months but I have a chair in the corner that they are not supposed to go on because it turns back and forth and I'm afraid of them tipping it over. So I use it as my timeout chair. I sit right beside them and tell them what they did wrong. I believe children that age have the attention span of fruit flies so my timesouts only last maybe 20 seconds. Then I hold both their hands in mine, look at them in the eyes and tell them one more time what they did wrong and if they made somebody else cry I take them over and have them hug their friend.

Once children reach the age of 2 and up they understand a lot better what they did wrong and I also get them to apologize but I follow this general method no matter what the age of the child.

Thanks Momof4, that makes sense that you sit beside them. I have used timeouts with older children who could understand that if they got off the step too soon, I started timing again, but I was puzzled how to do this with a very small child. My granddaughter at 3 and a half is just starting to figure out that the timeout is over fast if she just stays there and says she is sorry LOL

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Originally Posted by kidlove

... I should have said something to the parent re: asking the child to appoligize...... As far as I'm concerned with a child like that.....it's the parents who owe me an appology not the child. unfortunately I cant tell the parent they need to tell me they are sorry for allowing their child to treat me poorly. I just treat them all with respect and after they leave..just shake my head and pray for them. :no:

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See this is where we differ ~ I would say something to the parent about how their 'lack of action' is not acceptable and the predicament it puts me is unfair. My code of conduct requires respect for all, children and clients, and by NOT stepping up and in fact LAUGHING when their child misbehaved they might as well have spit in my face themselves as far as I am concerned because they have given their child the message that they think it is FUNNY and are condoning it by their inaction! Honesty while in MY HOME you follow MY RULES or you LEAVE cause I will not work with someone who is working 'against' me it is not worth it cause all the hard work you do during the day is than undone ~ I do not care if they do things 'differently' at home as long as we are sharing the same GOALS cause we can get to the same place via different directions but if we heading in opposite directions with what we want for children ~ than we have made a mistake in our arrangement and are not a match for service!

Honestly I actually sent one of my clients home with their child one day because the client in an attempt to redirect her pissy toddler threatened that if she was rude to one more person during drop off in the morning that she was going home to bed and the kid was rude immediately after growling angrily in the face of another child trying to say good morning ~ so I handed them their coats and said 'guess we will try again tomorrow ~ hopefully a good nap in her room will turn her around' ... cause the rule at my house is you say what you mean and you mean what you say ... you want to give your kid empty threats at home so they do not trust or listen to you that's fine but you do not do it in MY house and I had already warned this parent prior ... but it worked it was the LAST time she made an empty threat here next time she did the 'if your rude again Reggio is going to put you to bed upstairs' ... but at least she showed 'improvement' in getting it next we had to have the 'do not threaten your child with discipline you expect someone else to carry out for you ~ you need to deal with it right than and there' ... so than she moved from threatening to 'bribing' instead but that's a whole different thread :rolleyes:

Honestly one of the great things about being self employed and working from home as your own boss .... you do not have to take CRAP from anyone .... I do and say what I need to for my program to run they way I can thrive and be happy and my group can thrive and be happy even if it sometimes means 'tough love' in saying what needs to be said to people ~ if a client does not want my level of 'support and advice' coming at them they are free to seek service elsewhere ;)

I have said some pretty TOUGH / FRANK stuff over the years to the client who I sent home with the mean what you say and say what you mean and they've been here 5 years now .... although they are still struggling with how to deal with their kids because sometimes that 'tough stuff' falls on DEAF EARS I think and well I am now at the point where I see the light at the end of the tunnel and have just decided to do what I need to do to get to end of August and just say 'goodbye' and leave them to do the best they can in the world with the little bit I managed to 'change' over the past 5 years to help them thrive in school and so forth.

Thanks everyone. I have been consistent with her, and I think she is just one very stubborn girl. I talked to the mom this morning about how I deal with this behaviour (she asked), so hopefully she can follow through at home too.