Vent/advice Oh the Drama!!

So, my 2 1/2 year old DCG (the one who got hearing aids while off all summer), has become Miss Drama Queen! Example, just now another daycare child touched her arm with a puppet on his way by her (I saw the whole thing), this turned into a crying fit because ___ "hurt my arm"...to which I replied "You're fine ___"...which was met with a crying fit that has been going on (still going on...ignore technique) for 12 minutes. I've separated her from the group to a chair ("I understand you feel sad, when you're done crying you can come out of the chair). When these episodes first started I would get on the floor and hold her...but it would go on and on...now 14 minutes and I think we're done (for this episode, anyway). Sheesh! It's just such a change from my 'rough and tumble' & so not sensitive at all little girl that left me in June. Is this a stage? Are you all laughing and rolling your eyes because it's not just her? <insert image of dreamalittledream going loopity loo here>

probly a mix of "two years old", she is a drama queen and the "extra" attention she is probly getting because she has hearing aids. either way, "unexceptable is unexceptable" and time outs are in order. She may just be blooming into "one of those kids!" :)

It might have something to do with her hearing aids? Maybe she's feeling a little sensitive and out of sorts? When did you stop coddling her? Is it a new thing? I agree with kidlove, time outs are best for this type of behaviour. My son just started this too, and as difficult as it is, I just have to ignore it. He's only 13 months and doesn't quite understand time outs, but I know how irritating it can be. I have a drama king in care too, and sometimes, you just have to have a tough skin. It probably is a phaze, but you need to nip it inthe bud. Talk to mom about it too

I was going to suggest the same as Little Dragon .... she is going to have a heightened senses for a while .... because she can 'hear' now everything is going to be processed with not only that basically 'new' sense but all the other ones will be heightened as well as she rewires her brain to have them work together again .... not that excuses acting out the way she is ~ she still needs to learn to 'cope with dignity' but it should hopefully be a short lived adjustment.

I hope it's an adjustment period for your sake and the poor little thing learns about her new hearing sense quickly. It seems like she must be overwhelmed right now. I wouldn't give her a whole lot of attention, just the minimum amount so she knows you care and she has to follow the rules but not so she is milking the attention from the tantrums.

Update on this little girl. I spoke to mom over my concerns about her ability to vocally express words/sentences & her drama/tantrums. Mom started to cry (she is so frustrated with the behaviours too). I feel so bad for this loving (adoptive) family. Her mom keeps saying "she is such a hard child & everyone thinks that I am just comparing her to her older brother". I assured her that I too agree that she has some challenges, but that I am not going anywhere and that we as a team will get through it (then we both cried). Behaviours that concern me with this 2 1/2 year old: Will not vocally express anything without prompting (does have the words, when we sit & look at books she will name all kinds of things), for the last 2 weeks she appears sullen & withdrawn...she just sits back & plays on her own all day (before she used to run & play with the others) (several times through the day I will sit in front of her and just hold her...but she remains the same after) and also if I (same exact behaviour at home) need to correct her (say "no" to her, which I do in a calm, quiet tone) or if her daily routine changes in the slightest way it immediately leads to a tantrum (often with head banging, or she will 'stand on her head' and stay that way until I move her). Oh and also, she has always needed a stool softener to have a BM. Mom has been referred to a specialist, hence the hearing aids as well as she is undergoing speech therapy. When the tantrums occur, I (just like at home) remove her to a chair telling her "when you are done crying you can come off the chair". This is all just ringing an alarm bell in my head that these are all signs of some underlying condition? She received the hearing aids in early July, how long do you think the adjustment process should be for those? She really is such a sweet, cuddly little one who is just so eager to understand what you want and to please....to see her going through all of this breaks my heart.

Hearing aids take some time to get used to. Everything is so loud to her now .... If someone is crying or yelling it will be ear piercing to her..... If blocks are being banged together it's deafening.... And even though you are hearing the same as she is it will be worse for her because she's not used to it. all the noise of the kids playing can be overwhelming and I'm guessing the reason for the tantrums ( if they started since the arrival if hearing aids) also musical instruments would probably not be a good idea..... And when outside the wind would be terrible .... Have you ever watched the news when a reporter is broadcasting live from a hurricane or tornado site and the wind is so bad that all you can hear is horrible static from the microphone and the odd word from the reporter ???? That's what it will be like for her !!!! So make sure when you are outside on windy (even light wind) that she has a hat on that covers her ears. I feel for this kid

Oh and also just because she has hearing aids you should still make sure you are facing her when speaking to her.... Don't speak to her while you are in another room or your head is in the fridge .... She likely won't hear you correctly or will only get part if what your are saying which will be frustrating for her.

Thanks so much Crayola...great advice about the wind/hat to cover ears. Is there any way I can help her get used to things? I wish I could limit the noise in the playroom...but that is just impossible. She definitely has some hearing function, she could hear me perfectly well (example, with her back to me, in my lap I would ask her to point to certain things in a picture book) before hearing aids; unless I was at a distance & using a loud voice to tell everyone it's time to come in...it's certain pitches she cannot hear. One day last week I even left out her Hearing Aids after naptime for about an hour just to see. No change; still withdrawn & sullen. You're right, I feel really bad for her.

Crayola's advice is great. I was also going to say that it's going to take months and months of adjusting for this little girl. Dream, I'm just so sorry that you feel so exhausted and drained from dealing with this family and I admire you for not even mentioning termination. Take care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Crayola's advice is great. I was also going to say that it's going to take months and months of adjusting for this little girl. Dream, I'm just so sorry that you feel so exhausted and drained from dealing with this family and I admire you for not even mentioning termination. Take care of yourself.

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Thanks Momof4:). Termination has never never entered my mind. I can't even imagine that effect on such a sensitive little girl who is already acing to adjust to such change.

I think the best thing would be to try to keep excessively loud or repetitive noises to a minimum ... She is not used to life being so loud and it's everything that's loud not just voices, she's hearing some sounds for the first time ....I'm sure it's pretty scary for a two year old ... it takes a long time for her to learn to tune out certain noises. Maybe the hearing specialist can turn down the hearing aids for awhile and then gradually turn them up.

Have the mom speak with the person that set up the hearing aids. When my mom got hers she went several times for adjustments - too loud gave her a headache and too soft well made them useless. If the hearing loss is profound they may need to start with smaller increments so that for the first couple months all she is doing is getting used to every little noise then they can increase and work oh helping her to filter out the noises so that she can pick out the important ones.

Can she have a pair of headphones to put on when she needs quiet. Doesn't need to be connected to anything and probably better that it is just for silence.

The speech therapist might also have some suggestions on how to limit her reactions to the noise. The standing on the head and head banging all make me think that she is literally trying to stop all the noises in her head.

She is now getting feedback from her voice too and all that she gets from that is more noise in her head. Notice she only talks when she absolutely has to as in you are addressing her directly.

If there is a way to deal with the tantrums differently it might lessen them. Time out is punishment and in a sense she did nothing wrong just tried to fight what was going on inside her as best she could. Instead of time out that is when she needs to get quiet space - the headphones, sitting in a cardboard box playhouse with a pretty door and window so it is a fun place, a pillow and blanket and a bin of toys behind the sofa or in a corner behind a chair or drape a quilt over a table and let her play in there coming out when she is ready. So instead of going to time out you would just say take your tantrum to a quiet place till you feel better and then steer her where you think it might help. Ideally instead of having the tantrum she would learn to go to her quiet space on her own.

Playfelt is exactly right about hearing her own voice if her hearing loss is profound. Also the hearing aids will make her ears very itchy inside. There are so many little things to get used to with hearing aids .... Most people think " oh just get hearing aids and it's all good" really it is so much more complex then that and for a little 2 yr old that has no idea what's going on and why everybody is screaming ...... Before she use to go about here little life in semi silence and everything is so quiet and calm and now all hell has broken loose .... I like playfelts idea if giving her a quiet space where she can go when life gets too loud

first of all, I thought she said "he hurt her arm"? her arm is not her ear. Sounds to me like she may be taking the extra attention the hearing aid has given her and is "running with it". I am a firm believer in "treating all kids the same" as long as there are no disabilities (like brain function, i.e. delays of any kind) that would hinder the childs understanding at her age level. Just because she has hearing aids doesnt mean she can be "tender" about the way a child touches her or approaches her. If she were my child I would do my best to make her feel as "normal" as possible, and that includes...not allowing her to throw fits! for whatever reason. I do understand giving her time to adjust, especially to the sounds of everything, however....allowing any child to use their "difference" to get away with complaining and throwing fits doesnt happen in my house. as they grow up they will learn to use those things that set them apart as an excuse or a crutch in life to help people "feel sorry" for them. Not a quality you want to nurture. JMO

just finished reading your second response..do you think she could have delays of some sort? possible autism or something? is she adopted? if so, what type of situation was it? these can all play HUGE factors into the care she needs and the issues she is having. HMMM!?

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Originally Posted by kidlove

just finished reading your second response..do you think she could have delays of some sort? possible autism or something? is she adopted? if so, what type of situation was it? these can all play HUGE factors into the care she needs and the issues she is having. HMMM!?

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My concern exactly. I've been doing some research over the wknd. And to me she displays a lot of Asperger's traits. Mom (who is a teacher) has had her seen by specialists...but perhaps as she is still so young tough to diagnose/treat? She is adopted (from Korea).

adoption is a hard one also because you dont always have the childs genetic background which is also "key" in helping problem solve with certain issues. Alot of times, once I get to know the parents (personality and goofy traits) I can understand the child better. In an adoption situation you dont know where the child came from, its like a missing puzzle piece! Who knows, she could have been neglected (causing delays or "depression") she could have been abused. How long have these parents had her? sence early infancy? or later?

OR....it could be more basic like, because she is adopted she tends to "get more of what she wants". Did you say the Mom is also having a hard time dealing? how does she react to the child in front of you? does she seem spoiled or "given in" to alot?

I have sensory issues. They're manageable most of the time, but most definitely other things can exacerbate these problems.

If things are loud, meaning too many different noises happening at once, I can feel overwhelmed and cranky. When I am overwhelmed and cranky, even the softest touch can send me reeling. I am talking about a hand on the shoulder, or a soft touch to the arm from DH. My instant response is to either burst into tears or hit him in rage. I have read that these overload moments are not unique to me, but rather fairly common to those with sensory triggers.

If this little girl is at all sensory sensitive, and suddenly she is hearing ALL THE THINGS, it could very likely be overwhelming for her, and as we all know, toddlers and preschoolers especially, are prone to not knowing exactly how to deal with overwhelming emotions.

Just my .02 :)

I think you're awesome for being patient with her, and wanting to understand the root of her behaviour. I also think that what I wrote above is worth mentioning to her exhausted mom.

Also, I know you likely know this, but Sensory Processing Disorder or any type of sensory issues can be linked with being on the Autism Spectrum, but the two can also be completely unrelated.

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

I have sensory issues. They're manageable most of the time, but most definitely other things can exacerbate these problems.

If things are loud, meaning too many different noises happening at once, I can feel overwhelmed and cranky. When I am overwhelmed and cranky, even the softest touch can send me reeling. I am talking about a hand on the shoulder, or a soft touch to the arm from DH. My instant response is to either burst into tears or hit him in rage. I have read that these overload moments are not unique to me, but rather fairly common to those with sensory triggers.

If this little girl is at all sensory sensitive, and suddenly she is hearing ALL THE THINGS, it could very likely be overwhelming for her, and as we all know, toddlers and preschoolers especially, are prone to not knowing exactly how to deal with overwhelming emotions.

Just my .02 :)
I think you're awesome for being patient with her, and wanting to understand the root of her behaviour. I also think that what I wrote above is worth mentioning to her exhausted mom.

Also, I know you likely know this, but Sensory Processing Disorder or any type of sensory issues can be linked with being on the Autism Spectrum, but the two can also be completely unrelated.

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I can't thank you enough for sharing that. Kind of gives me a glimpse into what she is going through?

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Originally Posted by kidlove

OR....it could be more basic like, because she is adopted she tends to "get more of what she wants". Did you say the Mom is also having a hard time dealing? how does she react to the child in front of you? does she seem spoiled or "given in" to alot?

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She is a totally different girl depending on which parent is with her. With Dad (who is laid back) she is happy, drops off perfectly, no issues. If Mom drops her off (rarely) or is the one picking her up (most often) she is a demon child in Mom's presence (& Mom says this behaviour goes on all the time at home). It's only with Mom..she can be happily playing, with her back to her...as soon as she sees her she's, screaming & crying. Mom does appear to me to be the one giving in "if you stop crying you will get .... (treat)" (my sense is Mom is just exhausted); whereas Dad pretty much ignores it or is firm.

You're so welcome. It's so hard to explain to people that don't get that way, but it sounds like you get it. :D You're an awesome provider, Dream. Be proud.

Given being "special" in so many ways (hearing aids/adopted) she knows it! And uses it, truely sounds to me like more than anything else (hearing issues/developemental issues) she may just know how to get what she wants out of certain people. I have a 2yr 8 mo old, who is adopted (and very loved) but has some learning delays (was quite neglected the first few months and has a little DNA issue or two maybe) but is VERY intelligent and will "take a mile" if you let her. At home as well as here, there are "no exceptions" she is smart enough to understand right from wrong but has a bit of a "stubborn streak" she attempts to "push" as far as you will let her (just as any other two year old) the way I see it is, she is just the same as any other 2 yr old, delay or not (within reason of course, but I expect her to do just about anything I expect of a just 2 yr old, which is pretty much the same as a 2 yr 8 mo old) when she mis-minds she is disciplined when she doesnt listen she is corrected and if she throws a fit, it's not tolerated. Otherwise she will never learn.

My son is a little ADHD, we dont tell him that all the time, he may have heard the phrase a time or two, but we dont sit him down and say "you are special because you have ADHD" we dont dwell on it because we dont ever want him to think there is "any" reason he cant do something or is "different" from any other child his age. not to mention I dont believe anyone (child or adult) should mark themselves with a label or disability (can create a "sorry for self" mentality). Is raising him more difficult than other kids? yes. Is he more difficult than all kids? no. He struggles in school and life will always be a bit more of a challenge for him, as it is for MANY people with differences. The way I see it is, you teach a child to adapt to the world, because the world is NOT ALWAYS going to adapt to them, AND dont ever allow a child to expect people to make "special" circumstances just for them. Granted: if a child is blind of course they need brale. And if the ADHD is SEVERE they may need meds, but if they have one leg shorter than the other, encourage them to play football, dont allow them to sit in self pity. My son came home the other day and asked if he could have "earmuffs" to do his school work because he cant concentrate with noise around. (I am exactly the same-apple didnt fall far!) I thought for a minute and seriously almost gave in to the idea but....what does that help him overcome? nothing. it's just a bandaid another crutch to hold him up. He WILL overcome all his obstacles in life, its going to continue to be a bumpy road but the one thing I am sure of, is he will grow up to be stronger than the average man because he has more to overcome than the average child. What doesnt kill us only makes us stronger, this little girl is much better off if treated as any ordinary kid than she would be if catered to and treated special because she has hearing issues or was adopted. Just my opinion. :)