Something Wrong?

I have on daycare girl left and I'm starting to get very worried about her. There are many things that I observe her doing that just seem "off". I'm not sure if it's just me. She is 18 months old and still cannot balance properly when she walks she leans back as if shes constantly fighting to keep her balance, she has been walking now for about 4 months. Every time she does lose her balance or fall even when it's obvious she hasn't hurt herself she cries for 5 minutes atleast, she doesn't get up on her own, I have to go and put her to standing again. If another child comes to close to her or tries to give her a hug or kiss she cries relentlessyly like they just beat her up. she doesn't talk yet, her mom says she talks a little bit at home but I haven't really heard any words, just baby babble, but if the mom hears her babble and it sounds like a word she thinks shes saying that word even when shes clearly not relating the word to anyting...I dunno. She also seems to have very slow reflexes like if im openening a cupboard or drawer and she is standing in front she doesnt move even if it gets really close to her head she just stares at it. When i ask her to do something like sit on her bum to put her shoes on she just stands there and stares at me. Sometimes she will sit against the wall and just bang her head for atleast 5 minutes. I will move her away from the wall and she goes back and does it again so its obvious she is doing this intentionally. Does anyone think this behavior is unusual? Like I said maybe its just me...?

Yes it doesn't seem right to me .... Try putting those observations into google and see what cones up. Maybe autism? I'm not really educated on the different syndromes. I'm not a lot of help but yes it seems off to me.

I too find these behaviors a little "off". I have had MANY kids come through my door that seem to have delays, issues, or down right ODD behaviors. I have racked my brains over questions of delay, learning disabilities, autism or other syndromes. Some of the kids have grown out of the funny habits/quirks and some still behave strangely at the age of 4 and 5. I do think that any diagnosis is tricky to say the least....especially something like autism because there can be such a variance on the "spectrum".....I had a child I took care of from 1 year to 5 and he is off to school now, intelligent and seems to get along well enough with others around him (making for a normal enough life)...but I have always questioned a slight issue, strange behavior over the years, repetitive movements, uncontrolled emotions, (he was the puker...one day just decided to puke every day at lunch all over the table) That to me is far from normal......somethin g def off in that little brain! can he function well enough to make it through life? YES! will he at times be the outcast in school and other social functions? definately! if his parents had brought him in to be tested, I gaurentee they would find something....would it help? maybe. This is just one of many kids I have questioned over the years....are the parents on board with your concerns or are any comments falling on deaf ears? If she is in danger, I would say or do something, if she just seems "off"? take note of her "off" behaviors and have them on hand for future ref but other than that, just provide quality care. That's about all you can do.

I think the mom is completely in denial. She actually works with kids who have autiam everyday and she never showed any concerns until her 18 month check up was a few weeks away and she told me she was concerned that her daughter wasn't talking. I was like, finally! But then over the past few weeks she has been saying that she is talking alot more at home and saying many new words (perfect timing!) She will be getting ready to leave and I will hear the girl babbling and the mom will be like thats right thats the wall, and shes like oh she just said wall! and I'm thinking are you serious????? Completely in denial from what I can see. I think it's one of those thing where she's surrounded by kids with difficulties all day so she doesn't see a problem in her own backyard.

Oh good grief that sounds just like a parent I interviewed with about two years ago. The 2.5 yr old was not a study walker and didn't say one word not even mama.... They were just beginning with a speech therapist and the parent worked with autistic kids. I think the child had DS but the parent said no. sometimes it's hard to see something wrong with your own kids that others can see so plainly.

Remember there is a very "broad" range for meeting developmental milestones. Also odd behaviours at 18mths, is pretty early to be getting worried. When she turns two, rethink it. As her care provider all you can do is provide her with opportunities to grow and learn. If her parents aren't worried, at least you can say you spoke up.
I have an almost three year old with delays (obvious to me), but mum is not worried. When he starts school, if he still has delays, they will be caught. I'm just doing my best giving him opportunities to practice speaking, repeating after me, using fine motor skills, interacting with the group. It is definitely NOT my job to diagnose. It's is my job to take good care of him and provide him with opportunities to develop.

It sounds like you ahve done your part in that you have shared your observations with the mother. That's about all you can/should do in my opinion. We do have to be careful not to be diagnosing kids with anything as we are not doctors and not qualified to make such diagnoses. Kids are all different and it may be normal for that child, but if it is something else, you have done your part.

It doesn't sound that abnormal to me other than her banging her head. I find that kind of behaviour odd but I know some kids do it or bang their heads on the playpen repeatedly.

I had 2 children in my care who didn't talk from 18 months until 2 years old and then suddenly the flood gates opened. I just kept reading with them and trying to teach them and now they talk my ear off.

Her not moving when the drawer opens could just mean she has no concept that it can hurt her or that she trusts you to keep her from getting hurt.

I have someone in care who people would make comments about when we would go out. People would say that perhaps this child has ADHD or Autism and I brought it up carefully in conversation with the child's mother. The mother went for testing of all sorts and all the child's doctors have said he is just fine - just that everyone is different. The mom was willing to get it checked out but it is definitely a sensitive subject and an area where we have to be careful to because it can be offensive to parents if they are not prepared to hear that something could be off about their beloved child.

Im sure as she gets older if something is wrong they will figure it out, I just wish the mother wasn`t in denial and would be more open to trying things that might help her like using proper words for objects like belly instead of bee boo etc, the baby talk is one of the reasons she isnt speaking properly. It drives me nuts when they pick her up and they talk baby talk to her. My daughter has an extremely advanced vocabulary for a 2 year old specifically because we never ever used baby talk. The other stuff is just odd I guess, maybe it`s just the way she is maybe she will grow out of it. Obviously I`m not a Doctor and I`m not trying to diagnose her with anything, I just want to try and make things better for her. So she can get on track.

At times their choices are questionable too, for example they bring her to daycare with a diaper rash so bad that it is actually bleeding so I tell them don`t bring her until you find out what is causing her rash to be so bad, they bring her back the next day and say her rash has `cleared up alot`when its still bleeding every change. Recently we have been having alot of bad weather in Southern Ontario, horrible wind and rain and the mom brings her to me in a hoodie and says oh I hope you will take them outside for a walk today....Um no I won`t be taking them for a walk today its pooring rain and there`s a wind warning for 65km/hr winds. I just don`t get people sometimes.

A lot of grey areas there...hard to say. As far as the not talking goes, they really do all develop SOOOOO differently. I have a little guy who basically didn't talk at all until almost 2 and then it was very slow. He seemed to listen and observe, but now at 2 1/2 this little guys doesn't STOP talking :laugh: and he used to worry me. 18 months is still young to totally react to danger also, as in being hit with drawers....and some people no matter how old are just a little slower.
Some things do sound odd, but I'd say at this point it's wait and see...

It's so hard when we suspect an issue of any kind, whether physical or therwise in someone else's child. I give the parents my honest opinions but have to be so careful not to insult them or their parenting skills, so I'd recommend that for you. Sometimes it's really difficult because we spend so many hours per week with the children and get to know them very well.

tstep8. Think I see the issue after reading your last few posts. This little one is understimulated at home. If they are allowinga diaper rash to get so bad it bleeds? She is being a little neglected in the diapering area IMO. Therefor, neglected in other areas as well. Not dressed for the proper weather?...neglected . I have learned over the years even the most loving parents can be lazy, this child may not be getting the proper interaction she needs in oder to develope proper at her age. She will catch up in time probly, but for her early years it will seem as if there is a delay. Thank God she is placed with you during the day, you can dress her well to go outside, change her diaper regularly to avoid future rashes, and read to her, encourage her to play with the other children (picking up proper social cues) encouraging her to communicate. Read to her, show her picture books and encourage her to "say what she sees". Not saying the parents are not good parents, but I have seem parents like this over the years, just a little on the lazy side maybe.?

I think you have done your part. Especially if you are considering (or have decided) to shut down in May. (hope I am not confusing posters?)
You have highlighted your concerns and now it's really up to mom and dad to take it further. Some things sound normal, some not so much. But it does seem a little too early to tell for sure.

On side note: Lord, how I HATE baby talk!!! I mean, or family has a few silly words, like skettis for spaghetti. But I am sorry; "Is that the wall?" should not sound like "Izzat da wawww?". It's entirely possible that this is why mom can "hear" the words, but you cannot. Ughhh.
On the other hand; my second boy was just about 3 before anyone outside the family could understand what he was saying. Sometimes it comes harder for certain kids. In retrospect, the fact that he ended up needed an adenoidectomy later may have had something to do with it?

while your concern for this child is genuine, most parents dont take well to their daycare providers suggesting that something may be wrong with their child even though its just because you want the best for them. i had a dcg with me several years back. she had been with me for over a year and was an amazing well adjusted child, smart, spoke really well from a young age. The whole family including grandparents, aunts and unclues and cousins went to cuba for a week and the girl came back a different child. Obvisously the first thing that came to my mind was that she was spoiled like crazy. after a couple of weeks of her sitting by herself and crying for hours and refusing to eat or play with the other kids i voiced some concern because she also has a ton of mosquito bites from their trip. My concern was completely genuine and i kept them updated on how her days were going and that i wasnt seeing any progress. they were insulted by my suggestion that she maybe see a doctor. they took it personally and assumed i was suggesting that they were not attentive parents. that was not the case at all. this girl loved me to death and was happy to sit with me and cuddle but she was just off, not the same and a week of spoiling doesnt do that once you get a child back to routine. Ulitimately, they came one day, said thanks for everything we are moving her to a centre and i never heard from them again. :(

Sometimes we providers have to def be careful regarding how much we suggest, say about or push a topic. If you said something to Mom already? Let her think on it and provide great care for the kid in the meantime, until you maybe notice anything that could put the child in danger or a huge change...say nothing more. Seems all most parents want from us is to keep their kid happy and safe while with us....there is a small number of parents who even give a sh** about our opinion on things or our say on anything regarding the raising of their child. took me a while to learn that...I have placed my foot in my mouth many times over the years. It's hard not to when you are with the child sometimes even more than the parent. ;)

I have had this same experience with other clients as well. Once you make a suggestion to parents regarding their child or put your foot down about their behavior, parents seem quick to pull their kid/s. I've decided I won't say anything to the parents. I will only be with this girl 5 more months at the most so there's really no reason to rock the boat now anyways. I think alot of the problem is also the parenting, they are only having one child so I think they are intentionally trying to keep her a baby baby as long as possible. Alot of their decisions are questionable at best. I changed her diaper today and her diaper rash was so bad it had spread from her bum area all the way up her legs almost to her knees. If my child had a rash that big and painful there is absolutely no way I would ever send her to daycare. I can't imagine how much pain this kid is in. Her rash literally bleeds and her skin is split open. I've seen many rashes and this is the worst by far. I just have to shake my head sometimes. I just don't get it.

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Originally Posted by kidlove

tstep8. Think I see the issue after reading your last few posts. This little one is understimulated at home. If they are allowinga diaper rash to get so bad it bleeds? She is being a little neglected in the diapering area IMO. Therefor, neglected in other areas as well. Not dressed for the proper weather?...neglected . I have learned over the years even the most loving parents can be lazy, this child may not be getting the proper interaction she needs in oder to develope proper at her age. She will catch up in time probly, but for her early years it will seem as if there is a delay. Thank God she is placed with you during the day, you can dress her well to go outside, change her diaper regularly to avoid future rashes, and read to her, encourage her to play with the other children (picking up proper social cues) encouraging her to communicate. Read to her, show her picture books and encourage her to "say what she sees". Not saying the parents are not good parents, but I have seem parents like this over the years, just a little on the lazy side maybe.?

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I was thinking the exact same thing this seems so neglectful. Everytime I leave my child with a babysitter, even if it's a grandparent I make sure she has everything she could possibly need. Even in the summer I will pack a hoodie just in case. In the winter she needs a proper jacket mitts, hat, neck roll etc. I can't believe someone would leave their kid here without sending them proper clothes and raging rash so bad the baby can barely move. They bring her in a little vest and short sleeve shirt in November!!!!!

Baby talk is a pet peeve of mine too! All three of my kids were early and really advanced in talking and I think a huge part of it is that we speak to them using big words...so they use them too. Another daycare provider was at the park with me one day and my then three year old son was building a sand castle and said something like "I'm going to make a big castle and you'll be so impressed"...the other daycare provider's eyes just about popped out of her head "did he just say impressed?!"...to which I just nodded (he had been saying such things since he was 2). I use big words with the daycare kids too...but it's harder when they have a different thing going on at home...you can only have so much effect...and there are genetics at play as well. She may very well catch up. I have a 19 month old who finally started walking recently and he has suddenly pretty much caught up to others his age...he is talking more, very communicative, lively, running around and riding little bikes etc. He was just a slow starter ;)

I would be calling the parents and sending her home to have it checked out by a doctor! That does not sound normal! I ahve seen bleeding rashes...but never one that spread down the legs! That sounds like something that could be contagious and I wouldn't take a chance on it!

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Originally Posted by tstep8

I have had this same experience with other clients as well. Once you make a suggestion to parents regarding their child or put your foot down about their behavior, parents seem quick to pull their kid/s. I've decided I won't say anything to the parents. I will only be with this girl 5 more months at the most so there's really no reason to rock the boat now anyways. I think alot of the problem is also the parenting, they are only having one child so I think they are intentionally trying to keep her a baby baby as long as possible. Alot of their decisions are questionable at best. I changed her diaper today and her diaper rash was so bad it had spread from her bum area all the way up her legs almost to her knees. If my child had a rash that big and painful there is absolutely no way I would ever send her to daycare. I can't imagine how much pain this kid is in. Her rash literally bleeds and her skin is split open. I've seen many rashes and this is the worst by far. I just have to shake my head sometimes. I just don't get it.

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You're probably right. I don't think they should be bringing her tomorrow and should definately get her to the doctor asap. She is at a high risk for infection because she poops probably 3-4 times a day on average. She only pooed once one day and the mom had a fit freaking out about why she didn't poo more. The mom tells me the next day she's giving her tons of fibre to keep her regular. I'm thinking are you nuts!!!!!! I never had a kid here poop 4 times a day on a regular basis. I will text the mom and let her know they need to bring her to the doctor before they bring her back and make sure it's nothing contagious. Her last poo was very watery like diarrhea so it could very well be something contagious. Lucky I wear gloves at every change of hers now because I never know what I'm going to get!!!

Could be a yeast infection or ecezma both will cause red bleeding rashes and both need medicated prescription creams from a doctor.

So a little update: I told the mom last night that this rash was BAD and they needed to do something about it asap. So she told me this morning they gave her a bath last night (don't you do that every night?) and she asked a pharmacist what to use and he gave her a cream for it. She told me the diaper rash could be caused by a million different things so there's no point going to the doctor, they will just try creams from the pharmacist until they find one that works...Sickening really, let her bum bleed and ooze and split open and just "try stuff" to fix it instead of getting a doctor to make sure theres nothing they can diagnose. I would go to the doctor just to make sure it's not something that needs a perscription and THEN go to the pharmacst to try things that might work. But that's just me. I'm sure it will get better eventually, but it has been getting worse and worse for 2 weeks now. I would have been desperate to fix it after a few days if it was my baby.
I just wanted to scream this morning. Seriously!!!!! Some parents need to get their head on straight. I'm sure if I wouldn't have said anything they wouldn't have even asked the pharmacist about anything either. So i guess I should be happy atleast they did SOMETHING!

I've reported darasmommy to admin

ok- yes darasmommy- I have been told that nightly bathing can exacerbate dry skin/eczema etc. so in that- I agree- nightly bathing is not always happening. But you can bet your bum that I change my kids often and address rashes as they occur.

I can see where she is coming from in that part of the post.

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Originally Posted by darasmommy

Why assume that ppl bathe their kid every single night? I was actually told by a dermatologist friend it is not recommended for children to be bathed so often.

And yes, that is "just you"...we all parent differently. Pharmacists are very well educated professionals, and if that is what she is trying first, why be so judgemental? (though from what Ive read on this site by babysitters, the judgemental thing against parents is nothing new)

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I am not being Judgemental. Her daughters diaper rash is out of control and its bordering on neglect not taking care of it, which she has not done. This rash has been carrying on getting worse and worse for the past 2 weeks and it is not getting any better. It has spread drom her bum up both legs almost to her knees. If she falls on her bum she cries because it is so painful. Medical intervention at this point is not a reccomendation, it's completely necessary. It is just me that i am a conscientiousparent who would never ever let my child suffer for 2 going on 3 weeks with a diaper rash that is so bad it hurts her to move. If you parent differently, shame on you. And shame on this family too for letting their child suffer like this. Everytime I do her diaper it breaks my heart she's actually scared to get her diaper changed and tries to hide.

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Originally Posted by mimi

I've reported darasmommy to admin

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Good for you. Theres no reason to jump on a thread and be so ridiculous and aggressive.

This is exactly why I can't do home daycare. I can't believe the way some people want to raise their kids. And I have to go along with it when I would do something differently or don't agree with some of the decisions people make. I want to raise my children the way I feel is best and everyone should do the same, I just don't want to be involved in their decisions or have to take part in them in any way. I can see something I don't agree with and just walk away instead of letting it into my house everyday. I'm tired of letting people in, because let me tell you, daycare providers are not the only ones who can be judgemental.I love kids but I think that's not enough to be successful at home daycare.

While I agree that bathing every night may not be necessary especially if the child has exzema or soemthing like that, washing the diaper area with warm water daily IS necessary! And especially if there is a rash! In fact, some nice long soaks every evening in the tub can really help with a bad rash. Whenever my own kids had rashes due to diahrea (that's about the only time they got them), I would wash their bottoms under running water at every single diaper change and pat dry and then apply a zinc based cream...it cleared up in a day usually. And particularly if there are open sores, I would be bathing that child several times a day with salted warm water to heal it up. And at this point a doctor's advice is definitely recommended as that is no normal diaper rash!

I'm not sure I would be using salted water on an open sore but I would put the child in a bath with baking soda or oatmeal which is very soothing and also has healing properties.

Yes crushed oatmeal. Both my daugthers would have really bad open soars diaper rashes and no matter what I did the rash would get really bad now and then. Tehy could spend days and nights diaperless. I never saw it get as bad as you describe however but both sides of our family was have serious skin sensitivities and diseases. So I would not bath them with soap everyday butt when the diaper rashes appear what really worked most was just soaking them in warm water and crushed oatmeal. However I also used a prescribed ointement.

I truly hope this little child gets the best care possible.