My 11 month old baby was terminated from childcare for crying for the first week

I put my child to a daycare when he was 11 months old last monday. I put him 10 days before I join my office back.
He was directly taken from the stroller and the caregiver would want me to do a quick drop off.He was crying fully.I will be asked to take him back home to make him sleep,since he kept crying during the nap time too.I was asking the caregiver permission so that I can spend some time with him there,so that he transitions soon and But the caregiver said it was not their policy during the daycare hours.I still insisted that I will atleast spend some time with him in the week end.She said she was busy in the week end and she will think about a time and said ok..I also insisted her to try other options to retain him there during nap time,cos,I wont be able to do that once I join back to work.
On day 5,last friday,my caregiver sent an email to seek other childcare options..
The reason I was told is he was crying continuosly.They did everything to make him happy and dint work..
I was asking for refund..But she is hesitating to give the deposit amount back.
I did signed an agreement with them which stated,
"there is a non refundable deposit of 2 weeks fees and would be applied to his last weeks of care. "
It also stated that" the child care provider can terminate the contract if the child's behaviour is uncontrollable/destructive,violent or threatening to the other children or staff."
The caregiver describes my son's crying and screaming was extremely uncontrollable. They have tried everything, even allowing his own toys to the daycare and nothing worked. When my sons there, his crying and screaming made the other children upset. Sometimes, he wouldn't even let the caregiver change his diaper or hold him because he would kick and scream.

I am not happy cos..5 days is not enough for a baby to transition and I atleast want my deposit amount back..:(Pls guide..

I feel for you; having to scramble to find a new childcare provider. My advice, find a new Childcare arrangement that will care for him on your comfort level (example, letting him transition on your terms; you know him best). You only have 4 more days, correct? Will your office be open to postponing your return so you can find a suitable place for him? Perhaps you can post on here (looking for Childcare forum). As for your deposit; I feel it would be only fair for your remaining deposit to be returned as it was them who made the decision to terminate. In my experience, I too have had some children 'cry continuously', irregardless of how long the transition was with Mom or Dad and no matter how loving and caring I was. It just takes them time (and understandably so, all of the sudden their entire world has shifted!). Be very clear to your new provider that this is the situation and make sure that you know their policy (have they had this happen before, what did they do?). Reality is, your son will become a happy comfortable child in a Childcare setting eventually...it's finding that patient provider that can ride out the storm until then. Best of luck to you.

Oh I am sorry that you arrangement is not working out for you ... I agree that 5 days is not long enough for a child to adjust to a new program specially if there was no transitioning in before hand where you were able to 'be there' with them and so forth! However you also have to trust the provider's 'threshold' for crying and if she is not coping with the level of crying your son is doing it is BEST that you find alternative care cause that could put your child and the provider at risk!

However IMO if the provider is terminating the arrangement and with no other grounds except the child is not 'adjusting' on her schedule and you have complied with trying to help your child adjust and tried to offer and work with the provider and she is just 'done' for her personal reasons than I agree with Dreamalittledream that your security deposit should be returned to you in full!

When it is the provider who is terminating the contract due to the child not adjusting to her program and the client has not done anything 'wrong' it is just not a match than my guess is that any court is going to agree with the CLIENT that there is no point for either one to have the child continue during the 'notice period' and since she is not willing to provide that service to you cause she is terminating than she must than refund the deposit since you have done nothing 'wrong' to warrant termination so why should you be penalized financially in this case ... it is the providers choice to not 'keep trying' so to speak!

BTW the part of the contract that states this is

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It also stated that" the child care provider can terminate the contract if the child's behaviour is uncontrollable/destructive,violent or threatening to the other children or staff."

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IMO this should not include 'transition time' when a child is just wee and upset about the process of being left alone for the first time ...IMO this is a clause that is meant to protect a provider from having to provide service during a notice period to a INFANT but to someone whose child has been shown to be WILLFULLY a physical risk to the other children ... a crying infant whose fresh from his mama should not apply cause how much of a physical risk can he be?

IMO when transitioning a 'new child' to the program that child not being a match is just a 'risk of business' specially if you have a closed door policy where the child is not allowed to spend time in the program WITH the parent to learn to trust that mama likes this place and is at ease with this place and therefore babe can be too .... you do not hold clients hostage to their 'deposit' if you are the one deciding it is not working out than you refund it and well that is just good business and KARMA IMO!

Now if the client were the one to start and than 'change their mind' and not want to give proper notice well I would have to weigh each circumstance as do I return the deposit or not or hold them to their 'notice' period and keep the deposit and if they want to use service during that period or not is up to them.

I hope you can find a positive and quick resolution ~ I agree start looking for alternative care ASAP!

What are of Canada are you in?

Hello,Thanks for your reply.
I asked them to figure out ways in which he can sleep there..and I was asking permission to spend time with the baby on Saturday,she wanted to end up the contract on Friday..:(

Caregiver had explained situations where kids take time to transition before!!hmm
She talked patiently when we started..that is why,we started with that specific day care.
But things dint work..
We have to figure out some way now..:(
about the refundable deposit,i feel bad,when she points out to document and says the baby's behaviour is uncontrollable:( Also,she only spent 2 hours max in morning and 2 hours max in the evening some days..now she says,fees is non-refundable..
really money minded!!!

I'm sorry your caregiver didn't try harder to work with you because that's what I like to do with new parents. It takes a lot longer than one week for an 11 month old child to settle into daycare life. They are frightened and confused and it takes weeks and sometimes two or three months before a little one is completely integrated into daycare life in my experience. I wouldn't quit after one week!

I hope you find another caregiver who will work together with you to make your son happy. Good luck with getting some money back - the contract should be fair to both parties.

Inspired by Reggio ..wow..wonderful reply post..
Thank you..
I have told the caregiver that I will meet her today to discuss regarding the refund..
I can use the points that you have told to speak with her..
The caregiver says,that she can honor the deposit amount again next year when he gets okay and I put him again in the same daycare,which makes no sense at all..
We live in downtown Toronto..

As part of your discussion with the caregiver remind her that the money goes towards the last two weeks of care so if she does not want the child to attend then she needs to give the money back. Otherwise you are entitled to send your child all day every day for the next two weeks crying or not.

Some children take a long time to adjust and having the parent there doesn't really change anything and in many cases actually delays the settling process. It is about the child learning that the caregiver can meet his needs just the same as mom can - feeding, changing, etc. The parent being there at the daycare gives mixed signals to the child.

Sorry that you have had a bad experience. Just be honest with your next caregiver as others have said so they know what to expect. Many of us have been through the weeks - in some cases months of crying from a child that doesn't want to settle into daycare.

Thanks all for your reply..
Hi playfelt,I did tell them all that,but they say,they are okay to admit him for the 2 weeks next year once he gets better..
Will we not do any arrangement before the next year??/will we drop the kid to the same day care after all that has happened, next year to collect money/also knowing,if my son is not going to be ok for the first week,they will send him back.
Another thing they say is that,I should have done some preparations to their daycare by leaving him part time before putting him on full time there..I replied,even though,I put him in full time,he was always there like part time,cos,I would take him home back for nap as per their advice!!!!
We were also asking him,why he did not say about the preparations stuff,when we joined..He said ,it was common sense for anyone to know this..Any one joining in a preschool must know that he should be trained before for the schedule.If they remain crying,they will be sent back after 3 days.
We went to meet them,they dint open the door though we told them that we were coming to meet them at that time..Once we mailed them that we were not able to meet them,they called in phone and discussed.

Um sorry but they are trying to hold your deposit hostage on you IF you should want to retry with them a year from now you can resign a contract and give a new deposit at that time but in the meantime if they are refusing service through no fault of your breaking a contract obligation but just that your child is taking longer to adjust than they feel is 'normal' they are need to return your deposit!

As for preparing your child for daycare ... ideally yes this would be common sense among parents who must return to work to prepare them to be left in the care of another over the course of mat leave so they are 'prepared with what to expect' HOWEVER as professionals it is also OUR JOB to educate our potential clients on what 'preparing them for daycare' truly means because well everyone has a different set of criteria for that and honestly while you can offer children experience and exposure to things you cannot make a child 'developmentally ready' for something on any schedule but their OWN!!!

As a professional my website has advice on preparing your child for group care to help educate parents who are googling advice and stumble across it, during my interview I ASK what potential clients have done at home to prepare and so forth so I can make an educate choice on accepting a client into my program to minimize issues like this and once offered a space in my program my policies are clear on what I NEED from clients to support transitions into my program and they expected to work with me to help their child with consistency between home and program ... sorry but it sounds like this business also needs to take some responsibility that they did not hold up THEIR END of the relationship by ensuring that you and your child were a match to the program either and as a result set you up to fail and are now blaming you and trying to keep the deposit on you ... not cool and poor business practice if they are hoping to get you to 'return' they need to step up and return your money NOW so you can use it to secure a new solution!

Good luck today!

Don't forget to be thankful that this provider knew her limit. Some providers can try to be stronger than they are and take a child longer than they should have, resulting in hard feelings...or worse. It is a shame she didn't take a little longer to let your child become comfortable, chances are, he would have lessened the crying with a little more time. However, she obviously knew her limits, which I give her alot of credit for. It is not easy to care for a child (that is not your own) day after day crying and discontent. Although her time limit seemed shorter than the average, be thankful he didn't go through too much stress, and her too. Have you tried to negotiate a "mid-way" refund? maybe she could refund a portion of your deposit? Godd luck finding someone your son fits better.....his happiness is the most important. :)

If you paid for two weeks care plus a two weeks deposit then she should return your deposit as well as the second week of care that she refused to provide .... I would send her an email telling her that and I would tell her that one week was not enough time to transition especially when you are willing to work with her and if it's not refunded you will take her to small claims or will be seeking legal council which ever route you decide.

I agree Kidlove that knowing our limits is key and we need to respect that for sure in this provider ... knowing our limits and breaking points and having a plan for when we are approaching those is KEY to success in this business!

However I also think a providers 'limits' should be CLEAR in the interview and policies of the business because personally I would never sign on a contract where a two week deposit is required and is basically 'non refundable' and can only be applied to service if the policy also stated 'if your child does not adjust to program in a weeks time frame you will be terminated from care and the deposit will be kept as it is non refundable ~ if you want to try again in a years time we will let you use that two week deposit than' .... seriously what parent would sign a contract like that?

Honestly how many among US if we put our child in care and our provider came to us and said 'I cannot handle your child's crying all day long do not feel he is adjusting fast enough to the program and need to give notice' would continue to SEND the child to this person whose admitted they are at their breaking point even if they offered to keep him for the 'two weeks' ... how is that best practice for anyone and holding a client hostage for their deposit is just bad karma if they have done nothing wrong expect have a wee babe whose kid takes longer than 'average'!

If you QUIT a job out in the real world without any notice cause you'd had decided you're not really 'cut out for working with the people there' you do not get a paid 'notice period' from the employer cause well the employer did not do anything 'wrong' to breach the employment contract and warrant paying for a notice period ... you quit without notice you only get paid for the work you 'did' and nothing more!

And while we are not employees of clients the same principle applies with this scenario ... IMO it sounds like the provider did not properly interview the client to determine that they could meet the kids needs prior to committing by asking questions such as has child has been left with others prior and how do they manage, has the child ever slept in a bed other than their own and is the child could self soothe to sleep or how is sleep time handled or how does the child manage with 'waiting' for needs to be met if the adult is busy with something aka has the child mastered 'delayed gratification' and can wait for needs to be met without screaming their little noodle off right away for every little thing and so forth .... IMO failure to properly interview the client to find out their parenting style and values in a world where there are a 1000 different ways of 'normal' and preparing a child for being away from a parent, failure to have policies in place that support a transition to set the child up for success and so forth are the BUSINESSES job as well as the parents when seeking childcare specially if the business is going to later use them as grounds for termination and keeping the deposit .... aka you do not get to say you are terminating a client because they should have 'better prepared by starting part time' if you do not have a policy in place that STATES THIS that the client than ignored to everyone's detriment .... so since the business made a poor choice and has decided to QUIT there should be no question of the deposit being refunded since it is the business who is breaking the arrangement because they cannot 'cope' with the kid after all!

That's sad and sucks that you're now last minute trying to find another place. BUT, based on all that, I don't think that it was the best place for your son. Transition for an 11 month old can definitely take more than a week. And hopefully you can find someone that is willing to let you go in for a bit to make the transition easier. I know that for a daycare provider this can throw off all the others and may create chaos, but that's part of what we have to do to make baby's transition easier. I have found it helpful to let mom in for short periods of time for baby to see that it is a safe happy place. Too long can cause other problems, but a few times for a short period can be helpful.

With you next place, try to find out off the bat how they help transitioning and if they allow your presence...

Good luck. I'm sure the right daycare is out there somewhere!

You don't mention if this is a private daycare home or a daycare centre. If it is a daycare centre you might have some luck with a complaint to the BBB or the ministry office that oversees daycare centres. If it is a private home you might have some luck if you contacted your city representative for your area as they don't like it when any business private or otherwise gives the area a bad name. Just the act of having someone in authority involved might help them to do the right thing and return the money.

Having some sort of legal representation send them a registered letter requesting the return of the money would also help. Small claims court, legal aid, etc might be able to advise you.

She absolutely should refund your money. That's rediculous. I hope you don't take this the wrong way as the spirit of my post is with a good heart. Most likely she is terming YOU rather than the baby. Your solution to accompany the child to help get him used to the setting is something that IME doesn't work at all. It is a parents go to solution but it wouldn't matter a bit whether you are there or not. You can't help him adjust to being away from you by being with him. You believe he needs to get used to the environment and at his age it's not the environment that is the issue. It's leaving one to one care from a parent who hasn't had anything to really DO but care for him. THAT'S the adjustment. The environment culture shock IS being in a group where one individuals child's needs do not supercede the happiness of the adults, the ease of the adults work, the maintaining of the property and non direct care tasks, the providers children, and the other attending children.

The new child is in a place where many many factors supercede their individual happiness A new parent thinks about their OWN child as being the top of the heap when in reality they are not and should not be. It's GROUP care with adults, their own kids, property, and other kids. The new child is one of the "other kids"... no more... no less.... one of many.

So your solution of you attending either during the week or on weekends would take your child's care or position in that group to the top of the group... above what the adults want... above what's best for the other kids... above the group.

If you would have offered to work with them to have your child be group ready you would have most likely had a completely different response. Having the child be ready for a group essentially means that the child becomes accostomed to their needs being met equally with the needs of the other kids and most importantly... what works for the caregivers. If they aint happy aint nobody happy.

This means that he can NOT have his own adult. This means he needs to be able to self entertain, self soothe, and be able to delay his WANTS to when the group allows for him to have his wants met. If you want him to be successful in the next arrangement work on these things:

He needs to be put to bed wide awake and be able to get himself to sleep without the aid of ANY adult intervention. He should be able to stay asleep despite extraneous noise going on around him.

He needs to be able to self entertain. When he's on the floor his interest need to be the space and the toys NOT creating chaos to score himself an adult to one to one him. If he can independently play without an adult interacting with him that will go a long long way in his adjustment.

He needs to be able to feed himself bits and hold his own bottle or cup.

He needs to be calm when other children are having a rough time and not turn that rough time into something that needs to happen to him.

What you should expect is that he is fed, changed, giving lovins, SUPERVISED, and has good long naps twice a day. You should not expect the adults to respond to his crying with an adult who will devote themselves get him to stop crying. Start at home looking at when he is crying and how you respond. If he is crying because he is hungry, needs changed, or needs some love... then by all means do what he needs to satisfy his NEEDS. If he is crying because he wants an adult one to oneing him nearly every minute to maintain his minute to minute happiness... then he will be profoundly unhappy in a group.

They quit because of his crying. It's your job to work with him to be happy during non essential care times without crying. Give him the experience at home of WAITING for his wants to be met, self sootheing when he is perfectly fine but just WANTS one to one, self feeding, and going to bed WIDE awake and putting himself to sleep. This means no rocking, walking, or co-sleeping. Just put into bed with a clean diaper, full belly, and a quick snuggle. Also work on him taking FULL naps... no cat naps. He should be sleeping about an hour and a half in the morning and a two and a half hour nap in the afternoon. If he wakes up in the middle of it check on him but don't allow him to get up. Those two times of day are essential for most child care providers to have babies resting so that they can provide what they need during awake times... and don't have tired cranky kids.

This is what MOST providers want with a newbie baby/one year old. If you want him to jell into a group quickly THESE are the things that will keep you from going thru this again. Remember that group care means it's not about YOUR baby. Get him ready to make it in a group and think about what you are doing at home that if you had six other kids... could you do it. If you couldn't pull it off then they won't be able to either. Think GROUP and start working towards that.

I agree Reggio, I personally would have given the deposit back to the client under the fact: I couldn't/didn't want to, follow through with care. I run my Day Care on morals first.....always. I would be willing to oversee any contract terms given the fact that I couldn't deal with the child's crying. (i however, WOULD give that baby more than a week to adjust, because I can handle it!) It's a catch 22 in this situation.....given the fact that we are all running a business first and foremost, any time a client leaves our care (especially under somewhat negative circumstances) I try and keep it as smooth as possible, concidering "bad" word of mouth travels 10 times faster than good. Hope you can come to some sort of terms with this provider. There are times to be "money-minded" (late fees/following general rules of contract, payment on time and such) and there are times to consider keeping "good face" is worth more than the cash. I would def want a client to leave on good terms in this situation....."I'm sorry, I can't deal with the crying every day, it adds too much stress to the entire household, the kids and I both, but I will give your deposit back due to the fact I chose to cancel care and put you at such an inconvenience, I do apologize and wish you and your son the best of luck. Take care." this way, I would imagine a parent would be less likely to be so upset, and see the goodness in you, understanding that you were honest (although inconveniant) but gave the deposit back...as you should.

I can understand your frustration. I am a daycare provider and i have a new child in my care who was crying all day in the beginning and it does affect the other children and can be quite stressful. I perservered and the crying did stop after the first week. We are still struggling with naptime and i can honestly tell you that it is very frustrating on our end because naptime is our only down time. I dont think that she gave your child a fair amount of time to transition and clearly doesnt have the patience to work with you to get your child comfortable in her care. In my experience, your staying at the daycare to help your child transition would not have made things any better, it only would have delayed what is going on now. I think you should consider this a blessing in disguise because if she doesnt have the patience to get through this then you will only have more issues in future. As for your deposit, if she is not will to provide care for the last 2 weeks which is what your deposit is for then she should be refunding it to you. I know you probably dont want him there for 2 more weeks and she probably know that so i would call her bluff. there are lots of great providers, if you put in the time, you can find someone in a short time. good luck

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Originally Posted by test

I put my child to a daycare when he was 11 months old last monday. I put him 10 days before I join my office back.
He was directly taken from the stroller and the caregiver would want me to do a quick drop off.He was crying fully.I will be asked to take him back home to make him sleep,since he kept crying during the nap time too.I was asking the caregiver permission so that I can spend some time with him there,so that he transitions soon and But the caregiver said it was not their policy during the daycare hours.I still insisted that I will atleast spend some time with him in the week end.She said she was busy in the week end and she will think about a time and said ok..I also insisted her to try other options to retain him there during nap time,cos,I wont be able to do that once I join back to work.
On day 5,last friday,my caregiver sent an email to seek other childcare options..
The reason I was told is he was crying continuosly.They did everything to make him happy and dint work..
I was asking for refund..But she is hesitating to give the deposit amount back.
I did signed an agreement with them which stated,
"there is a non refundable deposit of 2 weeks fees and would be applied to his last weeks of care. "
It also stated that" the child care provider can terminate the contract if the child's behaviour is uncontrollable/destructive,violent or threatening to the other children or staff."
The caregiver describes my son's crying and screaming was extremely uncontrollable. They have tried everything, even allowing his own toys to the daycare and nothing worked. When my sons there, his crying and screaming made the other children upset. Sometimes, he wouldn't even let the caregiver change his diaper or hold him because he would kick and scream.

I am not happy cos..5 days is not enough for a baby to transition and I atleast want my deposit amount back..:(Pls guide..

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Yes, you should definitely get your deposit back as long as you have paid for the one week of care your son attended. The deposit is for the last two weeks of care and you are now not able to use this service. While one week is not enough time, perhaps this provider decided it was just more than she was able/willing to take on since he is likely to take weeks to settle in even once he starts making progress (I am on week 4 with one like this and believe me, I have considered terminating as well...but since he is progressing, I hang in there). You definitely don't want a provider reaching her breaking point with your child! I also agree with what Daycarewhisperer said...you need to look at what you can do on your side to help your son be more prepared for group care. As parents (I have young kids too and have had the oldest two in daycare before), we don't really have any idea what it is like to care for 5-6 small children effectively and have the day go smoothly...we don't always know what to do in order to make it easier on our child. I wish someone had given me advice on how to prepare my kids, as I had no idea either! When you are home with one baby, naturally, you tend to dote on him...but it makes it so hard for the little one once they start daycare. And please discuss all of this with any future prospective providers so you know and they know what you/they are getting into.

This is a horrible situation. With this providers explanation of policies they could take several new infants and terminate after a week.

I had one client (out of the tons of clients I've interviewed) aske me where my limits are. At what point do I callt he parents to pick up. When is the crying too much. And I thought this was the best question a client could ask me. It really made me think about what my limits were and it held me accountable when I did take on the child.

I expect a 12 months old child to cry for days... sometimes weeks when they start out. I expect them to scream for 2 straight hours when I place them in a new bed with new smells and different sounds and light from home. I prepare for that by placing my existing kids in different rooms, napping at different times. etc...

I would never send a child home for crying uncontrollably unless they child was making themselves sick over it. ( I don't do throw up very well )

This obviously is not a provider who wants to transition new children into care. They want children ready to go... the reality is... they are not always ready to go.

I'm sorry you have to fight for your money back. Obviously not a very good business woman. And these stories make it even harder for good providers to ask for deposits. Clients get hesitant after they hear back experiances. It's really too bad.

I hope it all works out and you find a better provider then this one.

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Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer

.... If you couldn't pull it off then they won't be able to either. Think GROUP and start working towards that.

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That whole email was fantastic advice. May I borrow your advice to create a checklist for parents of my websites coming in?

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Originally Posted by Dreamalittledream

That whole email was fantastic advice. May I borrow your advice to create a checklist for parents of my websites coming in?

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Sure feel free

Well tell them "if you are not going to return my deposit I'm afraid I will take this mater to small claim court and make sure the T.V. Is evolved too." I have seen couple of posts here looking for bad dayhomes, day cares so there you go. It is ridiculous for them to offer to pay you back in the new year. And what is " bring him next year when he is better" there is nothing wrong with your child for him to be " better" he is just scared to be with strangers in a strange place which is very normal! Beside, where did they get the idea that you will send your child back to them? I would NEVER! send my child to them again. And the way they are talking to you is rude too!

Take them to small claim court and honestly, contact those T.V people and let them do the work!

Thanks all for ur replies..We are not interested at this point to spend extra amount again to go to the small claims court,are there any free services available???This one is private home daycare.How do I contact city representative??

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Originally Posted by test

Thanks all for ur replies..We are not interested at this point to spend extra amount again to go to the small claims court,are there any free services available???This one is private home daycare.How do I contact city representative??

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If you are not wanting to go to small claims court than I would at the very least make a report of the businesses poor practices and treatment of clients and failure to return money for services being 'withheld' to the Better Business Bureau ... my understanding is that is FREE and they do not have to be a 'member' to have a file complaint opened on them ... they will 'mediate' the claim between you and the business and if they refuse to come to a compromise or solution the complaint you file gets put PUBLIC on their site and the business will get an F rating for any other client seeking business can 'search' that business and see their BBB rating AND that a unresolved complaint is on record for at least 12 months I believe.

If more clients using private home childcare who had valid complaints about financial practices or safety of service made use of this venue than perhaps those with shoddy unprofessional practice would be made more accountable because there would be a mediated unbiased 'record' of their complaints made against them! As a consumer I ALWAYS check the BBB before hiring anyone as well as other references and so forth to make an informed decision ~ it is a great resource when properly utilized.

http://www.bbb.org/canada/

Either way I would send a registered letter to the business STATING what your plan of action is if you do not have your security deposit refunded to you by X date you will be first filing with the BBB and if that does not resolve the issue THAN you may have no option to take it to Small Claims court (it does not mean you HAVE to do that but if you do file with the BBB than it might open their eyes that you truly mean business and they will get smart and settle cause no judge is going to rule in their favor based on what you've shared).

If you want to report it to the Ministry of Education you can ~ but they do no really do much about private home childcare's unless the person is 'over ratio' and operating illegally as a result.... here is the link to how to resolve problems with a childcare program at least for Ontario.
http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/childcare/concerns.html

As a provider i ask the parents (if possible) to please slowly adjust the child to my house. I suggest a few days a week for half days and see how they do with that and then add in full days and go from there

Sorry, the arrangement did not work. Some kids will take more than the others to adjust.

I saw some daycare centers who stated that day 1 - parents stay with baby in the baby area for about the day, just to be familiar// then day 2. - parent stay for 4 hours:// then day 3 parents stay for 2 hours// then by day 5 hopefully just 30 minute parent child time - then kid will be okay. and they recognize that some children takes longer or shorter but that was the ideal recommendation they said that have work for them. Let us say not all parents can do that, but at least the centers experience has success rates for baby transition.

Actually, I have a case to share - I hope I am not jumping in your topic, but sort of reverse is happening to me. I am a private daycare, so I do all my contracts. I write it as simple as it can be. No deposit, stated the termed contract "nov 19, 2012 to dec 14, 2012". mom said she is off school by dec 14th, so we end it there, and she said we will do another one for january 2013 till end of school year depending on her schedule as a student nurse. Baby is 9 months, adorable, easy going...loving. cry is not an issue, i took him to playgroup - he enjoys it, i took him to park, loves it.
Now today, day 3 - the mom called me if the baby was here at 11:20am. i said "yeah, your husband drop him off". she said, "oh my husband beat me up, i'm in the police, don't give the baby to my husband, i will pick up my baby" . i said "sure". Come 2:30 pm, dad knocks the door and said he is off early to pick up baby. I said sure, come in, dress him up as I am busy. He came in, he dress baby, i told him his feeding and diapers and next snack and he was fine with that. And when he left, I texted the mom that dad pick him up early. She freaked out on me, saying " I told you not to give him to him:". I told her "what right do i have to keep the baby in daycare away from his dad?"

I was so upset and I was just shaking my head. What I think? The 9 month baby is more mature than the parents. It is never my job to babysit these adults, only baby.

I really like the child, he is adorable. The mother said she is entitled to alter the contract. I told her "no, you don't". It is my daycare, my business. Only a court order can change, who gets the baby. As it stand, both parents are entitled EQUALLY to pick up baby. I told her that she has 3 options: 1. keep the contract as it, until they settle their fights, 2. get a court order, or restraining order, saying husband cannot come to my home at _____ meters away, 3. she keeps her baby home until they both come to a settlement.

If she bothers me again about change in contract without court documents, she can keep her baby home until she finalize custody agreements.
My job is to take care of baby, from 7:15 am to 4pm, per contract.

Tell me, is there anything else I can say to them ( except telling them to grow up and this baby is human being, not a toy to fight over) ?

Do you think I have ground to cancel the contract because it is only 3 days, and I don't want any trouble. note: the parents are old (in their 30's)

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Originally Posted by angelina

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If she bothers me again about change in contract without court documents, she can keep her baby home until she finalize custody agreements. My job is to take care of baby, from 7:15 am to 4pm, per contract. .

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I would have handled this exactly the same way you have ... please do not bring your drama into my program and it is up to the courts to decide if your child's father no longer has rights to his child not yours or mine!

I actually have a written policy on how custody arrangements or changes to them for 'separated / divorced' clients are handled here!

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Custody Arrangements
If you are in a situation where both parents are not living under the same roof please ensure that you put in writing how you would like to handle making decisions regarding your child’s best interests while in care. For example how you want to handle payment of fees, the sharing of information about your child, who receives the distribution of written information, and who can authorize the release of your child at departure time.

It is my recommendation that all separated/divorced parents provide a copy of the custody arrangement. I would be UNABLE TO ENFORCE any custodial parents requests WITHOUT legal documentation.

This copy should include the following.
 TITLE PAGE (this states who is involved),
 CUSTODY PORTION (this clarifies the agreed upon arrangements), and
 THE JUDGES SEAL & SIGNATURE (this confirms it has been reviewed by a court of law).

Parents need to work together to ensure that collectively that there is consistently one set of directions and they are presenting a united front as far as decisions or issues that affect your little ones participation in the program.

It is the responsibility of both parents to keep the lines of communication open. Unfortunately it is not my role, nor do I have proper counseling background, to mediate family disagreements. Should a family be in a situation where their inability to provide a united front while in the program, and in my opinion, this behaviour is affecting the well being of their own child or others within the program I may be required to discontinue services until such a time that ‘family harmony’ can be restored. Please see the ‘Code of Conduct’ section for details.

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Wow! What a mess! I feel for you :( I htink you did the right thing...you could not say no to the dad based on what the mom said. You contract has both parents as able to pick up the child...you have no legal right to deny the dad his child. I guess the only thing that you might have done differently is not to say "sure" when the mom called requesting such a thing...it set her up to believe that you were going to follow her request. But, sometimes in the moment it is hard to think clearly too! I think if there is any more trouble, i would terminate as I would not want to be in the middle of such a messy situation, but maybe it will calm down and they will not involve you again now that you have laid out their options. Good luck!
By the way...I did have a good chuckle out of you saying that they are "old...in their 30's" :laugh: Aren't most parents these days having babies in their 30's? Anyway, not to detract from the seriousness of your post...I just found this part funny ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by angelina

Sorry, the arrangement did not work. Some kids will take more than the others to adjust.

I saw some daycare centers who stated that day 1 - parents stay with baby in the baby area for about the day, just to be familiar// then day 2. - parent stay for 4 hours:// then day 3 parents stay for 2 hours// then by day 5 hopefully just 30 minute parent child time - then kid will be okay. and they recognize that some children takes longer or shorter but that was the ideal recommendation they said that have work for them. Let us say not all parents can do that, but at least the centers experience has success rates for baby transition.

Actually, I have a case to share - I hope I am not jumping in your topic, but sort of reverse is happening to me. I am a private daycare, so I do all my contracts. I write it as simple as it can be. No deposit, stated the termed contract "nov 19, 2012 to dec 14, 2012". mom said she is off school by dec 14th, so we end it there, and she said we will do another one for january 2013 till end of school year depending on her schedule as a student nurse. Baby is 9 months, adorable, easy going...loving. cry is not an issue, i took him to playgroup - he enjoys it, i took him to park, loves it.
Now today, day 3 - the mom called me if the baby was here at 11:20am. i said "yeah, your husband drop him off". she said, "oh my husband beat me up, i'm in the police, don't give the baby to my husband, i will pick up my baby" . i said "sure". Come 2:30 pm, dad knocks the door and said he is off early to pick up baby. I said sure, come in, dress him up as I am busy. He came in, he dress baby, i told him his feeding and diapers and next snack and he was fine with that. And when he left, I texted the mom that dad pick him up early. She freaked out on me, saying " I told you not to give him to him:". I told her "what right do i have to keep the baby in daycare away from his dad?"

I was so upset and I was just shaking my head. What I think? The 9 month baby is more mature than the parents. It is never my job to babysit these adults, only baby.

I really like the child, he is adorable. The mother said she is entitled to alter the contract. I told her "no, you don't". It is my daycare, my business. Only a court order can change, who gets the baby. As it stand, both parents are entitled EQUALLY to pick up baby. I told her that she has 3 options: 1. keep the contract as it, until they settle their fights, 2. get a court order, or restraining order, saying husband cannot come to my home at _____ meters away, 3. she keeps her baby home until they both come to a settlement.

If she bothers me again about change in contract without court documents, she can keep her baby home until she finalize custody agreements.
My job is to take care of baby, from 7:15 am to 4pm, per contract.

Tell me, is there anything else I can say to them ( except telling them to grow up and this baby is human being, not a toy to fight over) ?

Do you think I have ground to cancel the contract because it is only 3 days, and I don't want any trouble. note: the parents are old (in their 30's)

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I have not read all the replies, I must apologize. However, this is absurd that your daycare provider would terminate after only the first week!!! It takes longer than that for an infant to adjust to daycare. In most cases, although I am not perfect and don't know it all and am only human, it takes about 4 weeks for an infant to become comfortable with their new daycare provider.

Maybe she (daycare provider) just couldn't handle the crying and I guess knows her limits, hopefully she will not take infants in the future. You should get your deposit back.....if it were me I would refund the deposit.....however if it were me I would have given at least 4 weeks for your child to adjust and then talk about my concerns before making such a rash decision.

Good luck. You will find a great provider, there are many out there. Each provider is special in their own way. You will find the right one for you.

I agree in that the caregiver didn't give it enough time, but personally as a parent, I wouldn't want this person caring for my child anyways.

I would demand the refund back, in writing, stating that you didn't terminate care, she did. It was her choice therefor she owes you the deposit you provided.

I would also seek out alternate care, and make sure that transitioning is part of the discussion prior to choosing a dayhome.

Personally, for myself with young children new to childcare, I give it a 6 week transition period. I also ensure that the child has comforts from home and has attended a few times with the parent to help them feel secure. Usually for about 30minutes each time.

Everyone can say that the provider isn't allowing the child enough time I disagree. I had a child once who cried from the second his mom dropped him off until I called her in the middle of nap to come and get him. It didn't matter what I did he screamed. I lasted 3 days. I was already the second provider to give her notice. He only lasted at the other daycare for 1 day. I managed 3. It isn't fair the kids already in care to have to listen to it and as a provider if it is too much to handle be thankful that they told you before something happened. As a mom I certainly would not want my child screaming all day every day for 8 hours. That particular child ended up transitioning better with his 3rd daycare. Sometimes children don't fit in a particular setting and I certainly wouldn't leave my child somewhere that he screamed non-stop.

I have never had any other child behave that way since. Yes transitioning takes a bit longer for some but never have I had to listen to screaming like that since. I also never let parents stay at daycare while transitioning. I ask for quick drop offs and go. I find if mom sticks around then the child seems to think that mom can stay and that isn't the case which ends up in it being harder to transition. For the most part I ask for maybe one or two half days before we jump right into full routine. IMO the faster we can get the child into the routine like the others the better. Some kids take longer than others. I most recently had a 14 month old start and after the first few days drop offs were good, after 2 weeks she was no longer cried periodically during the day and now at week 4 she is napping the full nap time and is so excited to get here in the morning.

As for your deposit, as much as they should give it back to you, you did sign a contract. I would say you are out your money and you need to find a different provider. My contract says there is a 2 week trial period. In that 2 weeks either one of us can terminate care for whatever reason. Money will be refunded in that 2 week period only after that 2 weeks written notice is required.