Difficult parents

Has anyone had issues with difficult parents? I am currently trying to find a better way to communicate with parents of mine that are being difficult. I dont want to have to terminate them yet i feel they are not communicating with me well. If i do try to talk to them about their child, they seem to interpret it is as telling them what to do. Rather than a general concern or interest in his well-being and development.

I think the biggest concern I have is that they are also my husbands cousin. I made them sign a contract just like all the rest of my parents but even my husband is at a point that if they cause one more problem he wants them gone.

Any suggestions?:confuse d:

Being family you may simply need to remind them of the fact that just because you are related it has nothing to do with your daycare relationship and they are bound by the same rules as the other families which means failure to abide by the rules of the signed contract means their continuation in your daycare is in jeopardy. If it involves the child's behaviour or something they are doing or not doing then turn it around on them with the idea that child is not having a good time at daycare because they have to sit out when we have movement time because they don't have running shoes as required by the contract or missed out on whatever because. Put the blame back onto the parent but then it becomes an issue between parent and child they can fix and is no longer about you caught in the middle.

Hi Disbrina,

Putting the blame back on the parent does not sound like a right thing to do.(No offense playfelt, its just my opinion)
I do not know what the specific issue is but I assume you are reasonable.
If the parents are unreasonable, it is time to sit down and talk openly...no matter what the consequence is.
Tell them that you mean well. Be reasonable, honest and frank.

Ya i don't want to put blame back on the parent. There has been a number of issues that have been building with this parent. Over the last year.

3 times I have had to pull out my contract and be firm with them. It is the fight that i don't want. The father ( who drops him off and picks him up cause mom doesn't drive) gets defensive when i try to mention his day or his development. He has in the past snapped at me and then apologized via facebook.

It is hard for me to see a child that I care about suffering from silly mistakes. Like not bringing the proper gear and seeing his hands red raw cause it was minus 38- and the dad didn't put mits on him. Or His feet are freezing cause mom and dad don't bring boots after it snows and they know i have to take kids to school. or seeing a rash that the poor kid has had for months probably due to the diaper being to small.

I have have had to write letters to parents that i have not had a problem with so the parents i do have problems with don't think i am trying to single them out. When do you draw the line and terminate? I have only had to terminate 1 parent before. And well, they weren't family. If it were my family i would have thrown them out by now. But they are my husbands cousin. Hence why i am trying to find some strategies to improve my communication.

I have one parent who tries her best to get out of paying me for things like sick days, stat days, and if I send her kids home b/c they are sick (constantly sending the kids to me even if they are so sick that they should be at home). Also blaming my own children for behaviour difficluties she is experiancing with her kids at home.

In my five years of daycare I have had to terminate 3 families. 2 were duie to the parents and not the child. One refused to sign my contract when I made some changes etc. He used to make sarcastic comments etc and the whole thing became uncomfortable. You need to be able to work as a team, parents and provider and if you can't and don't have good communication and you have done everything you can then maybe it is time to say good bye.

The funny part is that my husband is ready to give them the boot too. I want to give them one more chance and if they try to push then they will be out. It is frustrating when the child is not the problem and it is the parents. I was just wondering if there was any ideas as to how to open up those lines of communication. I have tried email. Talking is obviously out. It seems the only way they want to talk to me is threw Facebook. But with that I never know if they have read my messages or just ignoring them. Or how often the actually go on Facebook.

maybe let them know that you have some things to talk about and hand them directly a letter in which states everything you need and want to say. At the bottom you could write "please feel free to call me to discuss the above"

I think you've given them enough chances. It's your business, and they seem to be using you as you're family. I would put my foot down and say to them that they have one month to find another daycare for their child. It may sound harsh, but enough is enough!

Not bringing mittens or not having shoes for the child or dressing a toddler in pants so long they trip over them are the responsibilty of the parent to fix not mine as the caregiver and certainly not the child who is not old enough to pick out their clothes. What I mean by turning it back on the parent is trying to make the parent see that the parent's action or inaction is causing the child to suffer. Give suggestions on things that need to be changed and give the parent what the consequences will be - child without shoes will not be allowed to run and jump or will need to be in their bare feet rather than sock feet even if it winter temperatures for safety. It is my responsibiltiy to see that the child plays safely so if they don't have shoes then I have to ask them to sit out or cancel the activity for the entire group such as would happen if a child didn't bring a proper snowsuit, boots, etc.

I agree with Play and Learn, I think that your time with this family is done. Sometimes it is in the best interest of both parties to part ways. It is not ok for them to be harsh enough with you that it requires an appoligy. Have you considered the thought that maybe they are ready to look for other care but do not want to hurt your feelings?

You will be a better provider without this stress. It may be difficult, but I think its time to part ways.

I have had to terminate 2 families in my time. One was because she worked right next door at the time and her and her family were constantly dropping in and disrupting this child would cry every time also she never let me know what time she was coming and because of this she had to keep her son with her for a hour as i was out grocery shopping and when she brought him she as much as told me i was expected to be there when she needed me which
h I would have been had she communicated :rolleyes: instead of just expecting me to be at her beckoning call lol

The second was more recent ,1st warning was 1 for bullying. Then a 2nd warning for non communication of schedule the final straw was another schedule issue.I tried very hard to work with her her schedule was very hit and miss and i simply asked of her please call me no later then Sunday and let me know if you need hours in the up coming week. After a while it became clear it just was not going to work and i asked her to find another provider better suited to her needs.Would you believe she phoned a few weeks after this stating she would be needing care probably soon as she may get some hours I simply replied sorry I am full . She still owes me 1 day pay but you and i both know i will never see it .Wish we could have a place to post dead beat parents that rip off care provider lol

See I thought that is what the parent registry was for. If I have a great parent I put them in the registry too. So other providers can search their info and be aware of issues or with parents that are golden.

With regards to the My parent issues. I may have finally got a break threw. They did just recently ask me to help them with the potty training. I have asked them at the beginning of the month what they wanted to do and had no response. Then finally last week they asked if I could put him on the potty more. I offered to use my training underwear ( I just finished training my twins) then keep my underwear hear and I would just wash them with my laundry. They agreed.

I do think that the father is looking for other care. Their child comes here Tuesday threw Friday 7:30 till 4:00pm. He has said to me at one point that he could take his child to another home for the same price he was paying me and get Monday to Friday full time. Stupid thing is that is how much I was charging them. I told him this and he could not argue. However the mom doesn't want to have him under the care of a stranger. What i may have to do is just deal with her on any issues even though he is the one who does pick up and drop off. However I do agree that If I get one more outburst I will be writing them a letter of termination. It doesn't matter if I am family or not there is no need to yell at me cause you are having other issues. I have kept everything professional as I could.

I agree it is the parent's responsibility to ensure that the child is able to participate in the daycare activities.

What often I do because often parents will forget mittens, hats, etc, is I allow parents to store extras here in their cubbies. That way it ensures that if the parents forget then I have a back up set. I approach it with the parents that when we are playing outside in the mornings our outerwear gets wet and it is nice for the children if we have a dry set for the afternoon.

I know it is hard because it is a family member and you have to consider family dynamics too. I don't know what I would do in your situation. What about trying to organize all your thoughts and concerns in a letter, then sitting down with both the Mom and Dad (even your hubby if you think it will help), and then covering the issues without emotion. If you take all the emotion out of the equation, it might be easier for the family to accept facts.

I don't do well with meetings. Usually for me, by the time it gets to where a meeting would be necessary, it doesn't work out.

But, I have had a friend just before Christmas have a situation with her cousin and they managed to meet and work through everything and the cousin's child is still in childcare. She had a successful meeting and followed through with a letter of what they discussed.

It's funny how being a daycare provider we don't deserve respect. I love my children including the children that are not mine. All I ever ask from my parents is some respect you give that to me and I will work with your schedule. I have one parent who thinks I can make a lot of money running a daycare. I don't know about the rest of you, but for me I have a limit of children I can have in my care. Its not only the safetly but emotionaly, having too many kids it is exshausting, and I don't feel like a good parent to my own kids because I can't even spend time with them.
I have only told 1 family they couldn't come back and it was really hard, but I felt that I was rushed into it and I found out the little girl didn't speak english. I was having a sucha hard time with her especially since she was never listneing to me, well know I know. The parents would also drop her off when ever they wanted. I only gave them 1 month I couldn't do it anymore.
I have a daycare for my kids so I can be with them, I understand parents work outside the home for theyre family I would really like parents to understand that I work too and it is hard work Ihave bad days and good days, i wouldn't trade them in I want to be withmy kids I wantto see them grow up. I just want respect.

Thank you for all the support.

I have to agree it was a hard decision to make you were right in saying it was better to part. I did end up giving them one month notice. They still seem to fight me on some contract things. In fact are now stating that I voided my end of the contract because I had to find alternate care when I took my son to an apt. They were advised that my references were my back up care for when I had apt. But apparently seem to forget that i had back up care. I am glad that in one month i wont have to deal with them anymore. I was lucky i kept a back up list of parents looking for spots. The agreed i could keep them on my email list in case things opened up. I emailed all of them and now have 2 interviews. I have not even have to post the position yet. I feel a big sense of relief.

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Originally Posted by disbrina

I emailed all of them and now have 2 interviews. I have not even have to post the position yet. I feel a big sense of relief.

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Just want to say Congrats to you! Good luck with your new parents and kids.
Another little tidbit: in each section of my manual, I get the parents to initial that they read EACH section. I keep the copy with the initials, and if they don't like something, I pull out that manual and say, 'well, you initialed, so you read it and agreed to it'!

I've haven't had to use this for my daycare, but for my dance school! It saves my 'ass' every time! And they can't fight you on it!!!!

That is a really good idea, having them initial the major sections. My problem with the parents that had to terminate was that I had given them 3 copies of their contract. They kept loosing it. They were just trying to get out of the contract any way they could. Unfortunately with being a day home. I would not have the resources to go after them. Yes i could have gone to small claims court. But that takes up a lot of time. I have now put in my contract under the termination spot. If you cancel and have a remaining balance outstanding. I will not send you out tax information for the tax year. You will not be able to use it as a tax write off. I have not had any problems since I put that in my contract.

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Originally Posted by disbrina

That is a really good idea, having them initial the major sections. My problem with the parents that had to terminate was that I had given them 3 copies of their contract. They kept loosing it.

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This is why YOU - the childcare provider - keep the initialed copy (from each and every parent). I email my contracts to the parents. If they want to print it out, they can.

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Originally Posted by disbrina

That is a really good idea, having them initial the major sections. My problem with the parents that had to terminate was that I had given them 3 copies of their contract. They kept loosing it. They were just trying to get out of the contract any way they could. Unfortunately with being a day home. I would not have the resources to go after them. Yes i could have gone to small claims court. But that takes up a lot of time. I have now put in my contract under the termination spot. If you cancel and have a remaining balance outstanding. I will not send you out tax information for the tax year. You will not be able to use it as a tax write off. I have not had any problems since I put that in my contract.

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Perhaps I'm wrong, and have watched just a little too much Judge Judy (LOL), but I don't think you can legally withhold their receipts for the services they have already paid for if they were under the assumption that they would get receipts. They could claim that income and use your name/address instead of reciepts and you would likely be audited for the unclaimed income. I know you haven't utilized that rule yet, but just my thoughts.

Whether you give them a receipt or not they can still claim what they paid if they have proof which would be their duplicate cheques. I give a receipt each week after payment is received and a final formal one page statement at the end of the year. The annual statement is ONLY available to families that are paid up. I also have it in my contract that after two weeks of unpaid fees I have the right to terminate without notice - the assumption being is that their failure to pay was the equivalent to no longer wanting their children in care.

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Originally Posted by disbrina

Ya i don't want to put blame back on the parent. There has been a number of issues that have been building with this parent. Over the last year.

3 times I have had to pull out my contract and be firm with them. It is the fight that i don't want. The father ( who drops him off and picks him up cause mom doesn't drive) gets defensive when i try to mention his day or his development. He has in the past snapped at me and then apologized via facebook.

It is hard for me to see a child that I care about suffering from silly mistakes. Like not bringing the proper gear and seeing his hands red raw cause it was minus 38- and the dad didn't put mits on him. Or His feet are freezing cause mom and dad don't bring boots after it snows and they know i have to take kids to school. or seeing a rash that the poor kid has had for months probably due to the diaper being to small.

I have have had to write letters to parents that i have not had a problem with so the parents i do have problems with don't think i am trying to single them out. When do you draw the line and terminate? I have only had to terminate 1 parent before. And well, they weren't family. If it were my family i would have thrown them out by now. But they are my husbands cousin. Hence why i am trying to find some strategies to improve my communication.

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this just makes me sad--- for the child and for you. Can you ask for an extra pair or mittens or boots to be kept at your home- just 'in case'?? At my child's school they have extras and have the parents send in extra clothes for the 'just in case' moments.

Aww, poor kid. I typically have to send a letter out late every fall reminding parents to send mittens, hats, boots, etc for the upcoming weather changes. I also put a sign right in front of the cubbies where the parents have no choice but to see it. It has helped but there will always be occasions when some items are forgotten. My biggest beef is parents who complain that their children's things go missing, despite the fact that I've asked them repeatedly to label every item. Ugh! I too have extras, just in case. Unfortunately, I don't have extras of clothing, so I have had to send a little one home in a t-shirt of my 12 yr old son's because there was an accident. Fortunately, they usually feel like it makes the child feel special (for reasons I can't fathom) so they go home happy.

In Ontario, please becareful not providing receipts to families. We HAVE TO PROVIDE receipts for what the family has paid for whether their account is caught up or not! If we even so much as neglect to include our SIN or BIN #'s we can be fined $1000 for each family! I don't know the penalty for not providing the receipt, but I can imagine it is at least $1000. Not worth it in my opinion.

Instead there are other ways to protect yourself like playfelt mentioned, you can withold your annual statement if the family already has your SIN or BIN. You can also refuse to provide childcare until the account is paid up. You can ask for a deposit which is applied to the last two weeks of care, etc.

sometimes you have to explain to the parent that your efforts are the same as theres, which is working together with them in helping their child be the best he/she can be. You are not "blaming them" for bad behavior or issues that have come up, rather going to them to solve things and work on helping the child. "the childs well being a proper developement is the forefront of what we do"