Rightly offended? . . . or just tired and pregnant?

So a parent walks in tonight to pick up her child. She informed me that her father was taking her to a cottage this weekend and wanted to pick her up early. I said sure of course. She then informed me he would be there at 2:30 to which I replied 'I'm sorry that won't work, its right in the middle of nap time. I've got a baby here and I cant sneak into the room to wake one child up without disrupting the other kids' . . . (keep in mind there are a few other parents there collecting kids). She say 'well just keep her up then' . . . I said 'so then I don't get a break?' . . . she says 'well just let her watch tv' . . . I said 'even if she is just watching Tv, she is p and I dont get to relax and the hupla of Dad coming to the door will wake everyone up. He can come at one at the latest or 3pm at the earliest but he cant come during nap' . . . she was looking at me like i was the b***h of the east and was being unreasonable. (this exact thing is in my parent handbook). I told her to have dad call me (since they aren't together) and we would work out a better time. She said well he'll have to because they have to go you know! . . . I said 'well of course they'll go, its just pick up to we need to work out' . . . . she seems angry at this point and says 'you wont even let her stay up and watch tv? . . . I said no . . I really need the break. I'm exhausted as it is and at the end of the week I'm even worse (im just shy of 3 months pregnant . . its a miracle I take care and teach 6 kids a days as it is) . . . she left . . .

Another parent looked at me and I said 'im just too tired' . . . . he goes . . 'your my hero' (i needed that)


I texted dad and told him to call me so we could work something out . . .He lives on his phone . . . I know he got the text . . hasn't called

I just have this sick feeling they are going to do whatever hey want and I'll have to deal with 5 cranky tired kids for the rest of the day when im tired and cranky too

Thoughts?

If it's in your contract then you are rightly offended. You explained your reasons. I get that they had plans and were hoping to do it how they planned...BUT they signed the contract.

I don't know what else to offer up. If you don't hear back from them then I would expect that they will show up during nap. Maybe come morning if you don't hear back from them they send another text stating that since he did not reply to your first message you will assume that they plan to abide by the signed contract and you will have the child ready for pick up at 3pm.

I'm not sure if it's ok to not answer the door if the come early. Can you willfully withhold their child? Likely not. But if they do arrive during nap I would let them know that by breaking the signed contract they have nulled the contract and care is done. Can you manage without the family in your care?

Personally I would have tried to make it work (in another room with tv on and no contact with child for nap hours), if it's a one off thing I'd have gone with it...but since you stated you would not then stick with it. In this case I would expect my families to follow the contract and be respectful. Waiting an extra 30min on their part shouldn't be a big deal.

So how about putting the early pick up child somewhere separate to sleep so you don't have to disturb any of the other kids and that way you still get your break and the parents are happy. I understand that pick up during naptime can be disruptive but this is a one off and last minute things come up all the time so just be glad they didn't call the day of saying they were picking up early once all your kids were sleeping in one room. I think this is a solution that would work well for everyone and would result in you keeping your break time, the other kids not being disturbed and would prevent the parents from being pissed off with you which means they won't hassle you or potentially turn up whenever the hell they want anyway. Regardless of what time providers say is a no drop off or no pick up time zone, it is their child after all.

From reading past threads on this, I am probably the odd woman out but I don't stop parents from picking up during naptime. In my eyes, as long as the child gets picked up before closing time, I couldn't care less when it is lol. Parents know that if they absolutely NEED to pick up during naptime that they need to let me know PLUS give me a text when they are 5 mins away. I don't normally get the kids ready for parents but in these very, very rare occasions, I will have the child ready so that pick up is quick and quiet. It happens so rarely (like probably less than a handful of times has this happened in the 2.5 years I've been opened) that it doesn't bother me.

Having said that though, it is easy for me to re-arrange playpens/cots so that the child being picked up is napping out of the naproom. I have almost always had heavy sleepers so noise doesn't bother them either. Naptime is anywhere from 1230/1 to 3 here so I would just nap them from 1230 to 230 for the one day. Either way, I get a break and the parent gets to pick up their child when they need too. If this was an every day occurrence than I might have a different opinion but for the odd time, it doesn't bother me.

Now having said all that, it is your dc and your rules so if this really isn't something you want than just be clear and remind them that it's in the contract that they signed. If they get mad and pull their child out than so be it.

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Originally Posted by mattsmom

That is unacceptable for her to think that all the hours you put in each day (and being pregnant!), that you don't deserve some time to yourself? If it were me and the dad showed up when the kids were napping, I would lose it!!!
Nap/quiet time in my house is sacred...all my parents know that. She is just being rude and disrespectful...woul d she like it if she worked a whole day with not even one break? I don't think so, so why should you. I say if dad comes to the door during naptime, politely tell him that they have been told that there are no pick ups/drop offs at this time and he will have to come back when the children are awake. If he doesn't like it, too bad...your house, you rules!

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If I were the parent and you withheld my child I would go ballistic. I appreciate that a contract is a contract but this is their child. I am annoyed just typing this and thinking about it but if it actually happened and a provider wouldn't hand over my child, I do not want to imagine how I would handle that person. If they were lucky I'd report them but in all likelihood I would go ape shit and force my way in. Under no circumstances is it okay to withhold a child. If they are breaking the contract and your rules it is completely unacceptable, but then terminate but don't use their child in that way.

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

If it's in your contract then you are rightly offended. You explained your reasons. I get that they had plans and were hoping to do it how they planned...BUT they signed the contract.

I don't know what else to offer up. If you don't hear back from them then I would expect that they will show up during nap. Maybe come morning if you don't hear back from them they send another text stating that since he did not reply to your first message you will assume that they plan to abide by the signed contract and you will have the child ready for pick up at 3pm.

I'm not sure if it's ok to not answer the door if the come early. Can you willfully withhold their child? Likely not. But if they do arrive during nap I would let them know that by breaking the signed contract they have nulled the contract and care is done. Can you manage without the family in your care?

Personally I would have tried to make it work (in another room with tv on and no contact with child for nap hours), if it's a one off thing I'd have gone with it...but since you stated you would not then stick with it. In this case I would expect my families to follow the contract and be respectful. Waiting an extra 30min on their part shouldn't be a big deal.

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problem is that I live in a apartment with one family room. the kids sleep in the bedrooms and there is essentially no where for me to go to rest. I'm not gonna lie . . .I NAP!

This child (god love her) would not leave me alone no matter what. she is my difficult kid. I've been playing with idea of letting them go for several behavioural issues but there is only a few months until she starts school and is gone.

I personally don't get angry about these things, or at least try not to let the parents feel my frustration. I also need my break time but I try not to sweat on these things. I can understand your frustration as we all go through similar situations that are annoying. But i think sometimes we need to stay positive and try not to let these things get to us. Unless it's all the time then I would definitely say no.

I had one parent ask the same thing, she had a doctors appointment for dcg during nap time, I personally don't think It's a big deal. Sometimes plans are made because of other circumstances that are beyond their control. I don't think I can tell the parent not to come. I think its ok to ask if it's possible to wait but if they don't then they don't. I put her to sleep a bit earlier and went into the room 15 minutes before pickup and quietly picked her up. None of the kids woke up and mom was here right on time. I have my kids fully dressed and ready to go so pick up is always quick. Or do like bright sparks suggested and swith rooms for that one day. But i think your dck should be fine.

Good luck working this out with the parents, I'm sure everything will work out :)

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Originally Posted by bright sparks

If I were the parent and you withheld my child I would go ballistic. I appreciate that a contract is a contract but this is their child. I am annoyed just typing this and thinking about it but if it actually happened and a provider wouldn't hand over my child, I do not want to imagine how I would handle that person. If they were lucky I'd report them but in all likelihood I would go ape shit and force my way in. Under no circumstances is it okay to withhold a child. If they are breaking the contract and your rules it is completely unacceptable, but then terminate but don't use their child in that way.

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I would never with hodl the child. . . all im asking is for them to make it a different time so that the other kids aren't disturbed . . . an hour earlier or an hour later . . . its not likeit is some sory of emergency . . . and my reasoning is not ridiculous . . . the door is right beside the bedroom and the noise wakes the kids . . . I dont live in a huge house . . just a big apartment with the rooms right beside the door of course . . . . but id be livid if they just showed up whenever they felt like it . . . especially after that conversation

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Originally Posted by The Purple Bunny

I personally don't get angry about these things, or at least try not to let the parents feel my frustration. I also need my break time but I try not to sweat on these things. I can understand your frustration as we all go through similar situations that are annoying. But i think sometimes we need to stay positive and try not to let these things get to us. Unless it's all the time then I would definitely say no.

I had one parent ask the same thing, she had a doctors appointment for dcg during nap time, I personally don't think It's a big deal. Sometimes plans are made because of other circumstances that are beyond their control. I don't think I can tell the parent not to come. I think its ok to ask if it's possible to wait but if they don't then they don't. I put her to sleep a bit earlier and went into the room 15 minutes before pickup and quietly picked her up. None of the kids woke up and mom was here right on time. I have my kids fully dressed and ready to go so pick up is always quick. Or do like bright sparks suggested and swith rooms for that one day. But i think your dck should be fine.

Good luck working this out with the parents, I'm sure everything will work out :)

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yeah . . I've tried the quietly going in thing before . . i am not blessed with the heaviest of sleepers . . sigh . . . plus . . . I WANT MY NAP . . . I'm having a hard enough time functioning as is . . . without that nap the rest of the day will be debilitating . . .

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Who said I was withholding a child? LOL . . . relax . . . all im asking is for them to make it a different time so that the other kids aren't disturbed . . . an hour earlier or an hour later . . . its not likeit is some sory of emergency . . . and my reasoning is not ridiculous . . . the door is right beside the bedroom and the noise wakes the kids

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Re read my post Cadillac, my response was not to you, and I never said you were ridiculous so I don't know what you are referring to. My response to you is furthur up this thread which was a suggestion to move the child to another room...which was posted prior to you clearing up the issue with that option. Please be clear on what the post says before telling me to relax. You never said or implied that you would do this and I never directed my response to you. I simply expressed my feelings towards mattsmom who said that she would withhold the child and that I think that is completely unacceptable behaviour if anyone were to do it.

lol sorry sparks i edited it right after . . . you saw it too soon . . . i was reading through everything to quick . . . sorry

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

lol sorry sparks i edited it right after . . . you saw it too soon . . . i was reading through everything to quick . . . sorry

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Not to worry it happens :)

Sometimes this site feels like a bad text message . . . you know what i mean?

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

problem is that I live in a apartment with one family room. the kids sleep in the bedrooms and there is essentially no where for me to go to rest. I'm not gonna lie . . .I NAP!

This child (god love her) would not leave me alone no matter what. she is my difficult kid. I've been playing with idea of letting them go for several behavioural issues but there is only a few months until she starts school and is gone.

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I donno, I mean if I was the family and had someone caring for my child I would try to make that person happy. I get having to pick a child up for appointments that you can't control etc., but waiting an extra 30min to go to the cottage doesn't seem worth all this fussing. Pretty sure none of my families would be asking this and if they did they would understand and respect when I asked them to wait until the end of nap. You're working hard, you're pregnant (I assume they know) you aren't asking that much of them.

I don't think the issue is you with holding the child or you being inflexible. You are merely trying to withhold the expectations you set in your contract and asking the family to respect that. The big issue here is their behavior and their response to your enforcing the contract. That doesn't sit well with me. Like I said I would have tried to accommodate (but have the space and means to do so) BUT if I had said no, like you did then I fully expect them to act appropriately. These parents are not. That is a problem.

If this was an everyday thing then I could see the problem but its one day ... Nap her some where else and get the dad to text you as he's arriving .... Get the kid ready and stand outside the door so the noise doesn't disrupt the others .... It's a one time thing .... Or tell them to keep her home and give them the a credit for the day

crayola: theres just no where else to put her . . . or else i wouldnt have this policy . . . My issues lied more around moms reaction to my request to wait just a half hour longer for pick up and her expecting me to give up my only break to suit her . . . if i could make it work it would be a non issue . . . i got my answer though . . . i think part of me is just to exhausted to think about screwing with my break to work with the family and the other half was rightly upended with their reaction.

I agree I don't think half an hour is a big deal to wait and clearly the mother us just being hard to get along with .... It seems like more is going on with her

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Sometimes this site feels like a bad text message . . . you know what i mean?

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Totally...and if you are typing on a smartphone or a tablet it's even worse...drives me crazy lol

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

I agree I don't think half an hour is a big deal to wait and clearly the mother us just being hard to get along with .... It seems like more is going on with her

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never been the most friendly . . .not unfriendly . . . just . . .. different . . . always had a difficult time reading her. . . . my other parents are so the opposite (chatty, caring, thankful) that this particular relationship has always made me slightly uncomfortable

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Sometimes this site feels like a bad text message . . . you know what i mean?

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LOL yes!! Tone gets lost over the internet/texting....

lol when i typed 'relax' in that post it didnt sound nearly as condescending (nor was it meant to in any way) as it read. i have to stop typing like im talking to my buddy! (professional face on!)

For myself I would never have said what you did. I would have asked if it is possible if pickup could be at 3 when all kids are up so that the rest of the kids don't get woken up. My contract says that no pickups during nap time but I do make exceptions. I have kept kids up and went in and got them up a bit early. I have had parents show up unexpectedly as well. Everyone is super quiet and it has never been an issue although it doesn't happen often.

Yes we all deserve a break but it is just one day and only 30 minutes early.

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

lol when i typed 'relax' in that post it didnt sound nearly as condescending (nor was it meant to in any way) as it read. i have to stop typing like im talking to my buddy! (professional face on!)

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I understand what you mean!! I never mean to come across as a b*tch but there have been times I have re-read what I wrote and think it sounds mean hahaha.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

For myself I would never have said what you did. I would have asked if it is possible if pickup could be at 3 when all kids are up so that the rest of the kids don't get woken up. My contract says that no pickups during nap time but I do make exceptions. I have kept kids up and went in and got them up a bit early. I have had parents show up unexpectedly as well. Everyone is super quiet and it has never been an issue although it doesn't happen often.

Yes we all deserve a break but it is just one day and only 30 minutes early.

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Yeah . . . ive made concessions before, which is why i dont do it anymore. i am not blessed with a house full of sound sleepers . . . kids have woken up every time and the rest of the day can be pretty hard as a result.

Whatever, what is done is done and im sticking to my policies. after preggo brain calmed down i relaized that my reasoning isnt unjustified and that break is what I NEED right now in order to function in a house with 6 active babes. any one that has been preggo or had a wife and saw what it does to them should understand that im asking very little in order to keep things as they were before i got knocked up

I dunno but I don't blame you one bit for standing your ground. When it comes to things like this, you also have to keep in mind that you might be setting a precedent and if you make an exception once, they assume you'll do it again and that is what I do not like. I've had parents want to pick up during naptime even for appointments etc and I kindly remind them that pickup can only be at the latest 12:30 and earliest 2:45 and I've never had a parent question and they plan accordingly. Really how hard would it be to change their plans around a bit they are just going to a cottage. They are being asses plain and simple. That being said, if they show up I fear you have no other choice than to hand over the child but make sure to let them know how unimpressed you are. Good luck

Good for you!!

What I would do personally is not relevant. You have your reasons and she was disrespectful to you.

Could you push everything back (early lunch/nap) so that you get your full break and everyone is well rested?? Just in case he shows up early?

Happy Friday!!!!!

I personally tell parents during the interview about naptime. How I work 10 hour days and that is MY time to clean up, eat, etc. All of them completely understood.
I also put a note on my door every day at nap saying "Naptime closed between 12-3" and also lock my screen door. I don't have a doorbell.
I had 1 dad text me last minute ONCE of course on the one day I put his son in another room with another little guy for nap wanting to pick up early as he forgot the son had an appt. He wanted to come at 2:30. I said "Sorry its naptime here and hes' sleeping and its too disruptive to the other children, I will have him ready at the door for 3pm" hasn't happened again.

why can't the dad pick up at 3pm. Look at it on his end. He doesn't have a house full of kids who are running all day, and nap is important to them and to thier parents too. I would be mad if my child didn't have a good nap because some parent can't wait a half hour. Its not like the cottage is going to go away or dissappear. Now if it was a drs appointment, well I could see not wanting to be late.

but I will 100 percent gaurentee that they say 230pm but show up at 3pm instead.

Mom told me this morning that Dad would come after three. Dad called and said the same. Mom seemed more at ease this morning (probably because she now has the weekend off! LOL)

They got the point and seem to be respecting the rule

I'llget my nap and so will everyone else

cadillac - i think you did the right thing. when my oldest son was in a centre daycare years ago the 'no interuptions during naptime' rule was not flexible and i follow the same policy here.
as a parent i would be very upset if my child didn't get the benefit of his/her full nap because another parent thought their plans more important.
obviously some exceptions apply, but in general, a trip to a cottage can be delayed by thirty minutes.
ps i am almost three months pregnant too and can't wait for the first trimester to be over. i'm so exhausted! i was very, very sick for a few days so i have started taking diclectin which has a side effect of drowsiness so i think i'm getting it two-fold. also, my patience are totally shot... i have a very short fuse these days. when are you telling your clients?

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Mom told me this morning that Dad would come after three. Dad called and said the same. Mom seemed more at ease this morning (probably because she now has the weekend off! LOL)

They got the point and seem to be respecting the rule

I'llget my nap and so will everyone else

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I hope after a nights sleep she realized that this was an easy fix and not something to get frustrated about and take out on you. I'm happy to hear she has decided to cooperate with your rules.

I am glad for you. I totally understand you. With my first pregnancy I was SUPER tired and could not help it, but to nap when kids where napping and right after kids left I HAD to have another nap and then after a couple of hours go to sleep. That happened during the first 3 months and after that I was good all day. With my current pregnancy I have not been that sleepy. I am always up during nap time and fall sleep at regular hours. Each pregnancy is different.

I have also told parents to avoid picking up during nap time, but I only have had a couple of these requests in 6 years and I have requested them that they better to pick up after nap time. They have done so. I do not even have it in my contract, but they have understood when explained to them.

If it is in your policies and you do not have any other rooms, parent should respect your rules. Is not that you are being difficult. It is just you do not have too many options because of your house lay out. I also agree with Lee-bee that you are taking care of the most precious thing, just for that reason they should be trying to make you happy. I have a sitter that once in a while takes care of my son when my hubby and I go for a date. I make sure she feels comfortable in the house, feel free to eat whatever she wants and pay a competitive rate, because I want her to be in her best to care for my son.

I would keep the child up and have the playpen in an out of the way space on the main floor. At 2:30 dress child and have then sit in a highchair at the front door till dad comes. I would be sitting where I can see out the door for arrival and prevent doorbell from ringing but would be free to not have to be as vigilent with the child.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

I would keep the child up and have the playpen in an out of the way space on the main floor. At 2:30 dress child and have then sit in a highchair at the front door till dad comes. I would be sitting where I can see out the door for arrival and prevent doorbell from ringing but would be free to not have to be as vigilent with the child.

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Lol Playfelt. I know i didnt mention the age but i was giggling at your post. she's almost 4yrs old!!!!!

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Originally Posted by gravy_train

cadillac - i think you did the right thing. when my oldest son was in a centre daycare years ago the 'no interuptions during naptime' rule was not flexible and i follow the same policy here.
as a parent i would be very upset if my child didn't get the benefit of his/her full nap because another parent thought their plans more important.
obviously some exceptions apply, but in general, a trip to a cottage can be delayed by thirty minutes.
ps i am almost three months pregnant too and can't wait for the first trimester to be over. i'm so exhausted! i was very, very sick for a few days so i have started taking diclectin which has a side effect of drowsiness so i think i'm getting it two-fold. also, my patience are totally shot... i have a very short fuse these days. when are you telling your clients?

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CONGRATS!!!!!!!

Once I worked out the iron situation and when to take my pill without throwing up . . . . ive been good. But I crash at nap and after 5pm

I've already told my clients. I told them right away cuz I was so excited. They knew I was trying without success for a while. Everyone who will still be here when baby comes is incredibly excited for me too. Plus . . . I'm so skinny that keeping it a secret would be impossible. I've already got a big belly.

Pick up was at 3:45!!!!! and it wasnt even dad . . . it was uncle who isnt even going! LMAO . . . . sigh

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Pick up was at 3:45!!!!! and it wasnt even dad . . . it was uncle who isnt even going! LMAO . . . . sigh

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OMG...all that hassle for nothing!! sheesh, some people!!

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Originally Posted by gravy_train

cadillac - i think you did the right thing. when my oldest son was in a centre daycare years ago the 'no interuptions during naptime' rule was not flexible and i follow the same policy here.
as a parent i would be very upset if my child didn't get the benefit of his/her full nap because another parent thought their plans more important.
obviously some exceptions apply, but in general, a trip to a cottage can be delayed by thirty minutes.
ps i am almost three months pregnant too and can't wait for the first trimester to be over. i'm so exhausted! i was very, very sick for a few days so i have started taking diclectin which has a side effect of drowsiness so i think i'm getting it two-fold. also, my patience are totally shot... i have a very short fuse these days. when are you telling your clients?

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For the first 6 months I was one 5 diclection a day for 6 months this pregnancy. 8.5 months now and finally down to 2 a day. I feel your pain! :blink:

I just had to interject my congratulations to the pregnant ladies and I have to say you are amazing for doing this job while suffering they symptoms of pregnancy! I had an office job when I was pregnant and I used to sleep in the VP's office at lunch (he was away a lot) so I can't imagine feeling as I did then and having to care for dck's. You have my admiration:)