Rightly offended? . . . or just tired and pregnant?

[Cadillac]

So a parent walks in tonight to pick up her child. She informed me that her father was taking her to a cottage this weekend and wanted to pick her up early. I said sure of course. She then informed me he would be there at 2:30 to which I replied 'I'm sorry that won't work, its right in the middle of nap time. I've got a baby here and I cant sneak into the room to wake one child up without disrupting the other kids' . . . (keep in mind there are a few other parents there collecting kids). She say 'well just keep her up then' . . . I said 'so then I don't get a break?' . . . she says 'well just let her watch tv' . . . I said 'even if she is just watching Tv, she is p and I dont get to relax and the hupla of Dad coming to the door will wake everyone up. He can come at one at the latest or 3pm at the earliest but he cant come during nap' . . . she was looking at me like i was the b***h of the east and was being unreasonable. (this exact thing is in my parent handbook). I told her to have dad call me (since they aren't together) and we would work out a better time. She said well he'll have to because they have to go you know! . . . I said 'well of course they'll go, its just pick up to we need to work out' . . . . she seems angry at this point and says 'you wont even let her stay up and watch tv? . . . I said no . . I really need the break. I'm exhausted as it is and at the end of the week I'm even worse (im just shy of 3 months pregnant . . its a miracle I take care and teach 6 kids a days as it is) . . . she left . . .

Another parent looked at me and I said 'im just too tired' . . . . he goes . . 'your my hero' (i needed that)


I texted dad and told him to call me so we could work something out . . .He lives on his phone . . . I know he got the text . . hasn't called

I just have this sick feeling they are going to do whatever hey want and I'll have to deal with 5 cranky tired kids for the rest of the day when im tired and cranky too

Thoughts?

[Lee-Bee]

If it's in your contract then you are rightly offended. You explained your reasons. I get that they had plans and were hoping to do it how they planned...BUT they signed the contract.

I don't know what else to offer up. If you don't hear back from them then I would expect that they will show up during nap. Maybe come morning if you don't hear back from them they send another text stating that since he did not reply to your first message you will assume that they plan to abide by the signed contract and you will have the child ready for pick up at 3pm.

I'm not sure if it's ok to not answer the door if the come early. Can you willfully withhold their child? Likely not. But if they do arrive during nap I would let them know that by breaking the signed contract they have nulled the contract and care is done. Can you manage without the family in your care?

Personally I would have tried to make it work (in another room with tv on and no contact with child for nap hours), if it's a one off thing I'd have gone with it...but since you stated you would not then stick with it. In this case I would expect my families to follow the contract and be respectful. Waiting an extra 30min on their part shouldn't be a big deal.

[bright sparks]

So how about putting the early pick up child somewhere separate to sleep so you don't have to disturb any of the other kids and that way you still get your break and the parents are happy. I understand that pick up during naptime can be disruptive but this is a one off and last minute things come up all the time so just be glad they didn't call the day of saying they were picking up early once all your kids were sleeping in one room. I think this is a solution that would work well for everyone and would result in you keeping your break time, the other kids not being disturbed and would prevent the parents from being pissed off with you which means they won't hassle you or potentially turn up whenever the hell they want anyway. Regardless of what time providers say is a no drop off or no pick up time zone, it is their child after all.

[5 Little Monkeys]

From reading past threads on this, I am probably the odd woman out but I don't stop parents from picking up during naptime. In my eyes, as long as the child gets picked up before closing time, I couldn't care less when it is lol. Parents know that if they absolutely NEED to pick up during naptime that they need to let me know PLUS give me a text when they are 5 mins away. I don't normally get the kids ready for parents but in these very, very rare occasions, I will have the child ready so that pick up is quick and quiet. It happens so rarely (like probably less than a handful of times has this happened in the 2.5 years I've been opened) that it doesn't bother me.

Having said that though, it is easy for me to re-arrange playpens/cots so that the child being picked up is napping out of the naproom. I have almost always had heavy sleepers so noise doesn't bother them either. Naptime is anywhere from 1230/1 to 3 here so I would just nap them from 1230 to 230 for the one day. Either way, I get a break and the parent gets to pick up their child when they need too. If this was an every day occurrence than I might have a different opinion but for the odd time, it doesn't bother me.

Now having said all that, it is your dc and your rules so if this really isn't something you want than just be clear and remind them that it's in the contract that they signed. If they get mad and pull their child out than so be it.

[bright sparks]

That is unacceptable for her to think that all the hours you put in each day (and being pregnant!), that you don't deserve some time to yourself? If it were me and the dad showed up when the kids were napping, I would lose it!!!
Nap/quiet time in my house is sacred...all my parents know that. She is just being rude and disrespectful...woul d she like it if she worked a whole day with not even one break? I don't think so, so why should you. I say if dad comes to the door during naptime, politely tell him that they have been told that there are no pick ups/drop offs at this time and he will have to come back when the children are awake. If he doesn't like it, too bad...your house, you rules!

If I were the parent and you withheld my child I would go ballistic. I appreciate that a contract is a contract but this is their child. I am annoyed just typing this and thinking about it but if it actually happened and a provider wouldn't hand over my child, I do not want to imagine how I would handle that person. If they were lucky I'd report them but in all likelihood I would go ape shit and force my way in. Under no circumstances is it okay to withhold a child. If they are breaking the contract and your rules it is completely unacceptable, but then terminate but don't use their child in that way.

[Cadillac]

If it's in your contract then you are rightly offended. You explained your reasons. I get that they had plans and were hoping to do it how they planned...BUT they signed the contract.

I don't know what else to offer up. If you don't hear back from them then I would expect that they will show up during nap. Maybe come morning if you don't hear back from them they send another text stating that since he did not reply to your first message you will assume that they plan to abide by the signed contract and you will have the child ready for pick up at 3pm.

I'm not sure if it's ok to not answer the door if the come early. Can you willfully withhold their child? Likely not. But if they do arrive during nap I would let them know that by breaking the signed contract they have nulled the contract and care is done. Can you manage without the family in your care?

Personally I would have tried to make it work (in another room with tv on and no contact with child for nap hours), if it's a one off thing I'd have gone with it...but since you stated you would not then stick with it. In this case I would expect my families to follow the contract and be respectful. Waiting an extra 30min on their part shouldn't be a big deal.

problem is that I live in a apartment with one family room. the kids sleep in the bedrooms and there is essentially no where for me to go to rest. I'm not gonna lie . . .I NAP!

This child (god love her) would not leave me alone no matter what. she is my difficult kid. I've been playing with idea of letting them go for several behavioural issues but there is only a few months until she starts school and is gone.

[Polkaroo]

I personally don't get angry about these things, or at least try not to let the parents feel my frustration. I also need my break time but I try not to sweat on these things. I can understand your frustration as we all go through similar situations that are annoying. But i think sometimes we need to stay positive and try not to let these things get to us. Unless it's all the time then I would definitely say no.

I had one parent ask the same thing, she had a doctors appointment for dcg during nap time, I personally don't think It's a big deal. Sometimes plans are made because of other circumstances that are beyond their control. I don't think I can tell the parent not to come. I think its ok to ask if it's possible to wait but if they don't then they don't. I put her to sleep a bit earlier and went into the room 15 minutes before pickup and quietly picked her up. None of the kids woke up and mom was here right on time. I have my kids fully dressed and ready to go so pick up is always quick. Or do like bright sparks suggested and swith rooms for that one day. But i think your dck should be fine.

Good luck working this out with the parents, I'm sure everything will work out

[Cadillac]

If I were the parent and you withheld my child I would go ballistic. I appreciate that a contract is a contract but this is their child. I am annoyed just typing this and thinking about it but if it actually happened and a provider wouldn't hand over my child, I do not want to imagine how I would handle that person. If they were lucky I'd report them but in all likelihood I would go ape shit and force my way in. Under no circumstances is it okay to withhold a child. If they are breaking the contract and your rules it is completely unacceptable, but then terminate but don't use their child in that way.

I would never with hodl the child. . . all im asking is for them to make it a different time so that the other kids aren't disturbed . . . an hour earlier or an hour later . . . its not likeit is some sory of emergency . . . and my reasoning is not ridiculous . . . the door is right beside the bedroom and the noise wakes the kids . . . I dont live in a huge house . . just a big apartment with the rooms right beside the door of course . . . . but id be livid if they just showed up whenever they felt like it . . . especially after that conversation

[Cadillac]

I personally don't get angry about these things, or at least try not to let the parents feel my frustration. I also need my break time but I try not to sweat on these things. I can understand your frustration as we all go through similar situations that are annoying. But i think sometimes we need to stay positive and try not to let these things get to us. Unless it's all the time then I would definitely say no.

I had one parent ask the same thing, she had a doctors appointment for dcg during nap time, I personally don't think It's a big deal. Sometimes plans are made because of other circumstances that are beyond their control. I don't think I can tell the parent not to come. I think its ok to ask if it's possible to wait but if they don't then they don't. I put her to sleep a bit earlier and went into the room 15 minutes before pickup and quietly picked her up. None of the kids woke up and mom was here right on time. I have my kids fully dressed and ready to go so pick up is always quick. Or do like bright sparks suggested and swith rooms for that one day. But i think your dck should be fine.

Good luck working this out with the parents, I'm sure everything will work out

yeah . . I've tried the quietly going in thing before . . i am not blessed with the heaviest of sleepers . . sigh . . . plus . . . I WANT MY NAP . . . I'm having a hard enough time functioning as is . . . without that nap the rest of the day will be debilitating . . .

[bright sparks]

Who said I was withholding a child? LOL . . . relax . . . all im asking is for them to make it a different time so that the other kids aren't disturbed . . . an hour earlier or an hour later . . . its not likeit is some sory of emergency . . . and my reasoning is not ridiculous . . . the door is right beside the bedroom and the noise wakes the kids

Re read my post Cadillac, my response was not to you, and I never said you were ridiculous so I don't know what you are referring to. My response to you is furthur up this thread which was a suggestion to move the child to another room...which was posted prior to you clearing up the issue with that option. Please be clear on what the post says before telling me to relax. You never said or implied that you would do this and I never directed my response to you. I simply expressed my feelings towards mattsmom who said that she would withhold the child and that I think that is completely unacceptable behaviour if anyone were to do it.