Feeling bad about a daycare letter.

My husband came home with this letter over my daycare's Christmas break, and I have been sitting on it ever since. Because, honestly I am angry at her for even writing this! We have been switching days a few times now and she has not said a word, and then she writes this right before her holiday...Which I might add was not for free, this was paid time....

It's not that she was rude about it really, I just don't like that if we don't do things exactly so as she wants, she writes us a reminder. Isn't home daycare supposed to be about flexibility? After all she only takes care of 2 (including mine) children, and her own son.

Would you do anything about the letter? If so what?

What do daycare providers think?

December 22, 2014


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Re: Unscheduled Daycare Days

I am writing to remind you of the terms of your part time care contract with ___________ daycare It is my understanding that you had requested care for your son on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week. From 1- 4:30pm.

Today you had requested care for Tuesday December 23, 2014, and though for the most part I am able to accommodate changes within your scheduled hours with 24 hours notice, I must remind you that I do reserve the right to deny schedule changes based on availability.

Your contract states this:

“Each family has their own individual contracted hours. If at any time you need me to care for your child outside of your regular contacted hours, I ask that you make this inquiry with a minimum of 24 hours notice. If I agree to the proposed time change you will be charged $5.00 per 30 minutes of care outside of the times noted above.

Please Note: The aforementioned fees are applicable even while the client is still within the regular 10 hour time frame constituting a full day, and these are due at drop off)

If you need to permanently change your contracted hours you must inform me in writing with a minimum of 14 calendar days of notice.”

If your family wishes to add an extra day to your part time schedule on a permanent basis, you may do so at a cost of $50 per additional day added each week, and these charges will be paid in advance along with your monthly fees. For example if you wish to add on one extra day per week, your new fees $650.00/month.

The other alternative is to pay for a full time space to allow you the flexibility you may need. As a reminder full time spaces are available at a cost of $650.00/month for care Monday to Friday, at agreed upon times up to 10 hours per day.

Thank you so much for your understanding, and attention to this matter.

___________________ of __________________

Honestly, all she is doing is reminding you of the contract YOU signed. Her letter was professional and to-the-point, and as you say you have switched days a few times now, she has already proven to be accommodating. I don't mean to be rude, but if you dislike the contract, maybe it is time to look somewhere else. It shouldn't matter how few children she is caring for - what if she has had an enquiry for an additional child or children? Daycare providers can only have a certain number of children in care at once. If you are constantly changing your days, then your provider can't count on a space being open for an additional child.

I'm sorry, but I don't see anything rude or inconsiderate about this letter at all. She's not changing the contract or springing anything on you, she is reminding you about a contract that you both already agreed to. Her thinking was probably, it's happened a few times, it's a New Year, it's time to enforce rules that are there for a reason, and that are her prerogative to make.

Yeah, I'm sorry but I agree with your provider as well. It is her business, and it is a contract that you signed. Flexibility is a positive of a home daycare, but if this is something that she is NOT flexible about then this is why you are receiving this reminder. Switching up the days at random would not work in my home either...other things I am not flexible about are the Fee Schedule, Nap Time and my Illness Policy. Your provider works hard, and makes a plan (crafts, activities, outings, etc) according to the number of children she has in attendance every day, and grocery shops week to week depending on attendance.
And this is her business, and you signed the contract- she is not working for you, you are using her business. Just curious as to why you signed the contract if you didn't intend on following her policies? Not trying to sound rude, just confused as to why you are upset.

I am upset, because everything is letters and reminders with her. I don't know, she can never seem to let anything go, it always has to be right on point.

So, why not just follow the policies that you signed off on? I get that you're feeling like you just keep on receiving letters and it's getting you down, but how must she feel if she feels the need to continuously send you formal reminders of every day policies? All of my clients receive the same expectations. No one is more special then the next. I have a policy handbook, and if a parent forgets, I remind, but they are usually respectful enough to clarify the policies with me before assuming something is ok. I have only ever had one client who continuously disregarded my policies, and that business relationship unfortunately ended with me terminating their services.
Apart from the reminders, is she friendly? Does your child have a great time, doing fun things in her home? Is your child loved, well cared for in a safe home away from home?

He is taken care of well, she is rarely closed unless with advanced notice. But she is not friendly in that sense all she talks about is his progress, etc. Really impersonal. My son has special needs, so she takes a lot of time to take care of him...


I just can't shake that she seems all business. I am not looking to be friends, but it would be nice not just to be hi bye at her door.

Honestly, I think you and her are not a good fit. If she runs a formal business and you were hoping for something a bit more friendly it will never work. You will always feel she is cold and she will feel like she is always nagging you to follow the rules you agreed to.

Each of us run our daycares differently. Shop around and find someone who better fits your needs. You each have different expectations. You will find someone who fits better with what you were hoping for!

Totally agree with caregiver. If you signed a contract that you are needing certain days/hours then that is only what she is contracted to give you. When we have part time children, it is common for us to contract other children to fill the other days that you aren't contracted for. So to expect her to just accept your changes without notice and without her saying something about it, is not fair to her at all.

It is what you agreed to and she is well within her right to ask you to stick with what was agreed to. And she is acting business like because it is her business!!! We don't do this just for the fun of it, this is our job. We need to make sure contracts are complied with and be able to stand up for ourselves when it comes to anything to do with the business.

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Originally Posted by daycaremommv

I am upset, because everything is letters and reminders with her. I don't know, she can never seem to let anything go, it always has to be right on point.

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LMAO - Are you freaking kidding me? Sorry to be blunt but you are the sort of client most of us would give notice to.

So she's written you a letter which isn't rude, reminding you about the contract you signed and committed to because you seem to constantly ignore it to suit yourself, and you have the nerve to feel offended by her actions? You feel she's rude and inflexible because she isn't prepared to endlessly switch her personal time around to suit you ?

LOL I've heard it all now! What about how rude you are being by signing for one service and demanding another? What about the level of disrespect you are showing her when you have zero consideration for her business, her contract, her time when she's not contracted to be available to her? You treat her appallingly and then you expect her to be chatty and friendly and have conversations that buddies would have?

Seriously? You treat someone that way and you have the nerve to moan about your hurt feelings when you have been completely taking advantage of her. The irony of that has to seriously burn.

You have an agreement with the carer. By your own admission, she is delivering fully on the service she is meant to provide - your child is well cared for, she is reliable, professional with updates, she takes a lot of time to care for your child's special needs.

In return, you are messing around by switching out days on her, expecting her to ignore the terms you agreed to, moaning that she's not friendly because she doesn't chat about non-day care related topics.

Your day care provider is not interested in being your friend. You are a client - a business arrangement not a friend. She is being beyond reasonable. Why should she "let it go" when one of her customers is taking advantage? Why would she continually put up with you expecting short notice changes to her schedule?

No, in home day care is not about flexibility for parents to bend the agreement they made. It's funny how it's always problem parents who define "flexible care" as wholly a situation to their sole advantage and never the benefit for the carer. In-home care is not a license to be an ass to your carer. It's about a smaller intimate environment of care with no issues of ever changing staff. And it seems you have an excellent carer.

If you aren't able to follow the terms you agreed to, perhaps you need to find a less formal, casual carer. I think both sides would be much happier.

I agree with everyone on this matter. You are not friends, it is her business and she is trying to not cause an altercation. You signed the agreement so you need to follow it.

I had a part-time family as well. They were all over the place and it drove me nuts. I like to plan an obviously your provider does as well. I changed my policy so that any days that were original booked were automatically paid and any days switched were considered additional days. After a few weeks of paying full-time rate the family quit switching days. It wasn't too much longer until they left. I enjoyed the family very much but sometimes think that when you are friendly with a family sometimes they begin to try and take advantage.

I am sorry you feel this way but you need to follow your own schedule and then there wont be any issues or alternatively pay for a full-time spot and then you can pick and choose the days your child attends..

I'm confused. You asked "isn't home daycare supposed to be about flexibility?"

She said at the end of the letter: "The other alternative is to pay for a full time space to allow you the ***flexibility*** you may need. As a reminder full time spaces are available at a cost of $650.00/month for care Monday to Friday, at agreed upon times up to 10 hours per day."

She has offered "flexibility" and you are saying she isn't flexible.

Somehow "flexibility" in the child care business has become synonymous with the parents wishes being granted for free or for cheap. If you pay more you get flexibility just like in every other business.

I'm also confused as to what her having a few number of kids has to do with schedule flexibility? She's operating to MAKE MONEY. She is able to male money with low numbers as long as she is paid handsomely for flexibility. That's a good thing for your special needs child and his care.

Yes, I agree with all the other providers that have already made solid points.
I just thought I would add, that when I read that she "only looks after two children (including mine) and her own" it made me think of something. When I only have two children for the day, I do plan to go out and I really look forward to getting out of the house on thsoe days, but if suddenly I have a third child, those outting just are not possible.
Also, if this is really her full time rate of 650/month full time up to ten hours a day, that is a pretty decent rate. and perhaps she is suggesting that if you really want to continue switching days on her, just pay her full time, and she will accept that she needs to expect to care for your child full time? By the time you pay the extra costs for part time, full time might just be a better way to go?
As a provider, I get frustrated when people always complain how expensive daycare is. I charge 35 a day, all meals and snacks included, crafts every day, 10 hours a day.......I dont know what is more ecomonical than that? I going for a (long overdue )pedi today, it will cost me $40 for maybe an hour, movies tonight with my son will cost at least 25-30 for a couple hours....so I have to watch two children for two whole days to pay for these small luxuries.

I think some of the comments above are maybe a little harsh. Daycaremomm was being genuine in her question.
Kids and care are personal, business is not. So the clash in the daycare world can be particularity stark and jarring. Your provider sounds top notch and if your child is happy and well cared for, she is on her A Game.
The paperwork is only a formality and one needed to ensure communication is clear. It seems harsh, but it is really just to document the facts and make sure there is no communication issues, and is not a reflection of her feelings about you or your kiddo. With the quick hi/byes at the door, she is just ensuring she is available to the other kids and keeps the day rolling.
I think you choose well and should take the letter as proof that you have hired a very professional and well trained care provider. :)
That said, if you think that the part time hours are causing issues with her schedule (see Mickyc above) just ask her if everything is all right? A good face to face conversation clears the air and will give clarity to both you and her.

Personally I would not ask her if everything is alright. LOL. I don't like confrontation and likely wouldn't be honest if my part-time family had of asked me. They already asked to switch days and I said yes even though it drove me nuts. I would take the letter as her nice way of saying it isn't working for her and she would prefer you stick to your days booked or pay for full-time and then you are free to use what you want, when you want and she has no reason to be upset about it.

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Originally Posted by SillyGirl_C

I think some of the comments above are maybe a little harsh. Daycaremomm was being genuine in her question.
Kids and care are personal, business is not. So the clash in the daycare world can be particularity stark and jarring. Your provider sounds top notch and if your child is happy and well cared for, she is on her A Game.
The paperwork is only a formality and one needed to ensure communication is clear. It seems harsh, but it is really just to document the facts and make sure there is no communication issues, and is not a reflection of her feelings about you or your kiddo. With the quick hi/byes at the door, she is just ensuring she is available to the other kids and keeps the day rolling.
I think you choose well and should take the letter as proof that you have hired a very professional and well trained care provider. :)
That said, if you think that the part time hours are causing issues with her schedule (see Mickyc above) just ask her if everything is all right? A good face to face conversation clears the air and will give clarity to both you and her.

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I think a lot of issues occur between providers and parents due to poor communication skills whether it is both having issues or one or the other. I would have a face to face conversation over texting or emailing to clear the air and clear things up. Don't begin to assume to know what someone is thinking. You could take the letter any way you like but it doesn't make it so in the providers world. The only way to know for certain is to talk to her. She sounds like a great business woman and a caring provider and I am sorry you feel like you do. I'm not going to discredit your feelings though. If you want this to work out, I suggest you take heed of what people have said on here about contracts, policies and the whole topic of "flexibility". If the contract you signed did not say the policies were flexible then they are not. Flexibility means that a home daycare provider may be more willing to tailor care to an individual more so than say a centre which has a standardized way of running things which may not suit some peoples needs or preferences. Read through this forum and see how much conflict and misunderstanding has come from providers texting and emailing versus face to face up front and honest dialoguing. In my opinion that is where a lot of issues occur. Confront the issue in a respectful manner making it clear from the off that you just want to get this off your chest and address it and then you can move forward. Your provider is putting everything in writing so she has a record and to make sure there is absolutely no reason or excuse for misunderstanding. Had you followed the contract as outlined to you and signed by you, your provider would not need to keep sending written reminders, but perhaps this situation can be dealt with so you can carry on with the relationship.

Well I did have a chat with her, and she explained that, her ratios are low, in part because my son needs more one on one care than the others do. Is she blaming me for something? I also found out that the other boy that is in her care (from his mother) has a casual spot, and only pays for days used.

When I asked her if I could have a spot like them she said no, that they are grandfathered in and she no longer does this type of child care. She asked me why I started making inquires with her other people, and seemed angry. Should she be? What are ratios?

Ratios are the amount of children she is allowed to have- sounds like she wants to keep her numbers low because of her son. Totally understandable. You shouldn't be worried about what she does for other families. Of course she has every right to be upset with you. You are being snoopy with what others are getting then even after her giving you your letter you have the nerve now to ask to pay for only the days you use - ummmmmm ya that is rude imo. She is offering you full-time if you need flexible care- she needs to make a living too.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

Ratios are the amount of children she is allowed to have- sounds like she wants to keep her numbers low because of her son. Totally understandable. You shouldn't be worried about what she does for other families. Of course she has every right to be upset with you. You are being snoopy with what others are getting then even after her giving you your letter you have the nerve now to ask to pay for only the days you use - ummmmmm ya that is rude imo. She is offering you full-time if you need flexible care- she needs to make a living too.

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Lot's of assumptions being made here. Snooping or having an innocent conversation with another parent using the same childcare services? Could be either but I wouldn't be accusing anyone of anything when I didn't know the facts. I think it is okay for this parent to ask the deal the other family is getting. We need to look after ourselves and so do families. There is no harm in asking and the OP was given a fair explanation as to why this isn't available to her whether she likes it or not is another thing. Try for a minute to place yourself in the shoes of the mother. As providers we can obviously relate to the provider and make assumptions but we still don't know the facts and I don't believe it to be fair to call people rude when they are looking out for their best interests just as we would. As a parent and as one who has had their children in daycare, I would feel pretty frustrated and annoyed if I found out that the other family in my providers daycare was getting the deal that I had requested and I was getting denied.

I understand and appreciate the grandfathering and have been there myself similarly where I had flexi care offered to one family only, but then I set boundaries, made policies and enforced them without wavering, rather than giving in and complaining about it afterward because it was uncomfortable to stand my ground and have a confrontation but that was what I should have done in the first place. If this provider didn't want to allow this mother to move days, then she should have said no in the first place so as not to lead the parent to believe that it was acceptable. If we are flexible with our policies and our contract terms then we hold some responsibility in misleading our clients into what "flexibility" means thus resulting in implying that it is okay for them to also bend and break rules.

My impression is that the provider feels that it is becoming to frequent and moving away from the original agreement and is making it clear in writing that this is not something she is willing to carry on with any longer.

It sounds like the provider is offering an explanation, not blame, that she has chosen to keep her ratio of caregiver to children low in order to be able to meet the needs of her group sufficiently, including those with and without special needs. It sounds like the other family have a contract outlining the flexicare versus your contract daycare mommy which was not made or signed by either of you for the same set up. That is why the other family are allowed this deal, because it was their original agreement, and was not yours. I suggest if you can clear the air and let it go, you do so and realize that this is a business she is running and while she is giving great quality childcare I assume and hope, she is also running her business it would seem as a professional, not as a favour system or to solely work for families in care at the expense of her income and business practice. Otherwise, maybe it would be best to find another provider and go into that setting with a much clearer and realistic understanding of this business and when you sign something signifying that you understand and agree, don't break the rules.

[QUOTE=daycaremommv;7 1929]

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Is she blaming me for something?

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How could we possibly know? If she is, what could it be? Is it possible that your son's needs weren't fully disclosed or understood? Or is it maybe that the switching days has left her feeling disrespected and she's just had enough of this relationship? You have to ask her those questions.

Having had all the feedback you did, I wonder if you apologized or even explained that you didn't fully appreciate how much you were taking advantage? Sometime a sorry goes a long way.

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I also found out that the other boy that is in her care (from his mother) has a casual spot, and only pays for days used.

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So what? That is her business agreement with this other client. Maybe she gave a discount for a reason you don't know. Maybe she's charged you a little more because she was expecting your child needed added care. Regardless, not your business, not your arrangement.

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When I asked her if I could have a spot like them she said no, that they are grandfathered in and she no longer does this type of child care.

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Okay - so you've had a perfectly reasonable explaination - more than you'd have got from me because my arrangement with my clients aren't any business of anyone else.

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She asked me why I started making inquires with her other people, and seemed angry. Should she be? What are ratios?

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If you've been sneaky and underhand, yes.

You have a great carer, she's been very professional, you've treated her horribly, you have nosed into matter than are not your concern, damn right she has every right to be cross. She's gone out of her way to accommodate you and you come here and moan about her behaviour.


I truly am considering that you aren't this naive - perhaps you are some teenager trolling. I think this provider should hand you your notice and wave you on your way.

I agree with most of the other ladies....it sounds like you have a great provider. I don't think the letter was offensive or rude but the problem with text is that it's read in a tone that the reader sets instead of the writer. I think she was being professional and standing her ground with you and gave you the letter as a nice reminder of the contract that you signed. It sounds like she is a good person in other areas of caring for your child so I assume she didn't mean for the letter to get you as upset as it has.

FWIW, I myself have one family grandfathered in on some rules and one of them is the rate. Some know she has a different contract and some don't. I don't think it's anyone's business though so if I found out a parent was "snooping" than ya, I'd be a little annoyed whether it was right or wrong to feel that way. If it's just a conversation at pick up and it comes out than oh well, no big deal as it's not a huge secret and if asked I would tell the truth anyways. How did you find out about the other families arrangement? I once had a mom see another mom's newsletter and she read it wrong and asked me in a very accusing tone why they were paying more....HUGE miscommunication on her part because they paid the exact same but the way she brought it up with me turned me off of her completely!! I don't enjoy caring for families like that. This, plus so much more, all came about in a phone call and I terminated care with that family during that phone call!! I have never ever ever done that (haven't terminated anyone actually!) but I will not be disrespected in my own business in the way that this mom did to me.

If you have a good provider, my advice is to think long and hard about which battles you want to pick. Quality care can be hard to find and I wouldn't want to loose a great provider because it was ME that wasn't following the contract that I agreed upon.

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Originally Posted by daycaremommv

Well I did have a chat with her, and she explained that, her ratios are low, in part because my son needs more one on one care than the others do. Is she blaming me for something?

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I don't think she's blaming you for anything, but she is letting you know that she's keeping the number of children she cares for low and part of the reason for this is so that she can give your child the care he needs. I don't know what type of special needs your child has, but you should be thankful that your provider recognizes his needs and is essentially LIMITING HER OWN INCOME for his benefit.

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When I asked her if I could have a spot like them she said no, that they are grandfathered in and she no longer does this type of child care. She asked me why I started making inquires with her other people, and seemed angry. Should she be?

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I can see why she'd be upset. She's given you a letter outlining her policies about the situation and outlining different options. You, in turn, talk to her other clients to essentially check that she's telling you the truth. And then you still try to negotiate something other than she's offering. Not to mention you may have made her other client uncomfortable.

To be honest, I'd be really frustrated with you at this point. I'd feel like you don't appreciate the effort and care I've been giving your son and I'd feel like you don't trust me and that you don't respect me or my business.

When you receive other services (dentist, hairdresser, etc) do you snoop around with their other clients to make sure you're paying the same thing? Do you argue with them about paying missed appointment fees when you change your appointment at the last minute? This is no different.

Daycaremommy,
You should sit back and think of all the input and good advises which you received in this forum, understand and learn from it. It's okay to accept that you made a mistake, and saying sorry to your caregiver may help mending the situation. All you need is a mature conversation.
Just,
Keep in mind that she keeps low ratio so she could give quality care to the children in her care including your son whom you said has special needs. That is something you should be appreciative about.

When caring for a child that needs extra attention whether it is because of special needs, being a young infant, etc. the provider plans her day so that it runs as smoothly as possible. It means having grilled cheese for lunch on the day the baby isn't in care so I don't have to make a special meal for them to eat. It means planning to bake cookies on a day that I only have children that can stand up to the counter and enjoy and on the days a special needs child that doesn't walk is in care we plan to do a sensory experiment that involves a tub on the floor at their level and everyone participating.

When you change your days the curriculum, meals, outings, etc. has to change too and that is very disruptive. What do you say to the child you promised was baking day on Thursday all week only to have Thursday come and have to say sorry child XXX is here so baking is off. Daycare is about being fair to all of the children in care.

Occasionally things will come up such a medical appointments that necessitate changing days but that is when you ask with as much notice as possible - IS IT possible to change days and then respect your provider's answer of sorry not this week I have plans already in place for the daycare that can't be changed. I am gathering from the letter you posted that the frequency of asking for changes was getting out of hand. Your provider is not a drop in centre.

Something else too, which is specific to this case...

You said your provider cares for two children. Your special needs child who is supposed to attend three days a week from 1pm until 4.30pm, and one other child.

The letter which raised all these comments was for two days before Christmas Day. To me, that is also significant. Maybe the other day care child was on vacation and not in day care that week, maybe the other day care child is also part time and wasn't scheduled to be in but regardless, everyone is insanely busy two days before Christmas both personally and at work.

Surely you can see the lack of consideration on asking anyone to change their work schedule on Christmas week!! Everyone plans when they will fit in groceries, visiting people they can't spend the day with, organizing their family day. I don't care if someone works in McDonald's, Day Care or is the top level Exec in some business, to be expected to be available on a day which isn't a contracted work day at anytime is inconvenient particularly if it's short notice. To be expected to do that two day before Christmas is a damn selfish expectation.

I think something doesn't make sense here. You are scheduled 10.5 hours per week. It seems like you are paying a huge amount for so little hours. When I read your copy of her letter it said adding one day per week would be $650 a week and $650 for full time.

What is it?

Methinks you approached the other client and asked them what they pay and what her schedule is with them. It doesn't make sense you lucked into that info with initiating it.

That is going to get you booted as soon as she replaces you so gear up for a termination.

If you want carte blanche to every day offer the full time rate and save the deal. If you want what you want and want it as a pay as you go deal you aren't going to get it. If you don't like being told no... you won't get a yes on your terms. You will be termed.

Bringing up the other persons arrangement will be vetted out with the other client. She has already done it.

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Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer

I think something doesn't make sense here. You are scheduled 10.5 hours per week. It seems like you are paying a huge amount for so little hours. When I read your copy of her letter it said adding one day per week would be $650 a week and $650 for full time.

What is it?

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I suspect the $650 for FT/$650 for an extra day a week is a tying error, either by the provider on the letter or by the parent on this thread.

I don't think it's too much though - I, like many, don't offer part-days. If you are coming on any given day, requiring care, I cannot schedule other clients around hourly requirements. It's a full day rate, no matter how long a child is in my home. Also. I would specify the hours that care was contracted. So my current clients, one would be 8.30pm until 4.30pm, another would be 7.30am until 4pm, it really does depend on what we agreed.

Since it seems that this particular carer just has the two clients, then I think it's really smart to specify hours care has been agreed, otherwise, this carer would be tied to the house all morning just in case vs currently having the ability to run errands provided she's back to the day care and available by 1pm.

So, right now, the client might be paying full day rate for the Monday, Wednesday and Friday contracted. The letter says if she wants to add a fourth day on a regular basis, then the fees would be $650 a month for those 4 days a week. That's about right.

Is it unfortunate for the parents that a full day rate is charged when they need so few hours - maybe - but they also have a high-care child, who takes a lot of time, means the carer has to limit the clients she has in order to provide the level of care needed. I think it's reasonable that the full day rate is applied. I would charge it too even without the special needs.

EDIT - I bet the $650 for 4 days and $650 for 5 days might be due to PT rates. We all know that if someone is here 4 days a week the odds of getting someone for one day and the exact same unwanted day are slim. A 4 day a week client is essentially taking a FT place anyway. I bet her fees are structured so she's not financially losing out if someone wants 4 days only.