Parents requests child to get more food.

OK so I am looking for some advice on this subject. When I first started my day home I was nieve and gave the first mom to show interest a dumb deal on my end. She pays 400/month full time care while bow my other children pay 700. Anyways she texts me the other day saying her child has a high mataboliam along with acid reflux (he is 5) and needs to eat when ever he requests, I agreed at first and I guess yesterday she informed him I am to feed him whenever he wants. Needless to say this was his food intake yesterday. Breakfeast he has 2 bowls of cereal (8am) 930 snack I made toast with cheesewiz and put it on a plate so children could help themselves he ate 4 whole slices of bread and wanted more when I finally stopped him. 1030 he wants food again and eats an apple, 12pm lunch he has 2 full ham sandwiches and 2 bowls of soup.130 he wants food again and has bear paws, 230 he asks again and eats an orange, 330 is snack time and we have veggies and dip. At 430 he has another orange. His mom picks him up at 530 and he says I am starving mom and she proceeds to ask what he has eaten all day and says that's not enough if he is hungry he is uncomfortable. I understand that but what I am getting paid a month will not cover his food cost alone if he eats like this and it's not fair to the other children as this disrupts their scheduals. I need some advice on how to approach the situation, do I tell her she will need to supply his "extra" snacks or request she pays more I just don't know please help

I feel as though he is over eating but he is not a big boy and I am not 100% sure on the whole acid reflux thing but wouldn't eating more make it worse? I know when I have heart burn I don't want to eat and eat and eat.

Just be honest with her....Tell her that due to an error which was wholly your naivety, she is being undercharged considerably but you have honoured that error because it was your fault. However, because of this, you are being paid $4,800 a year which is half what she should be paying and after expenses like food, milk, etc, you are actually left with nothing as profit.

Now, she is asking that you increase your costs associated with her custom which will mean it is actually costing you money to care for him.

Then give her the option - she can have the increased volume of food, if she pays the market value for the place. However, it's too disruptive to feed him hourly so you aren't willing or able to do that so he'll need to eat more at the designated times and she'll need to provide the extras OR she can provide ALL his food so at least you aren't having his food costs on top of your huge losses.

Which deal would she prefer?

Was the acid reflux as well as high metabolism something that was diagnosed by a doctor or is this the mother making a diagnosis?

Because that seems like a ridiculous amount of food. I would not be ok with having to serve food at random times of the day, here we eat at set times so it would have to be a valid medical condition for me to make an exception. And I also agree that when you have acid reflux, eating definitely makes it worse at least in my experience.

Should he not be on meds if it's that bad?

You for sure need to raise your rates, or ask the mom to start pacing a lunch or both at this point because it is a lot of trouble for you to feed him at hock.

My daughter also had acid reflux, though luckily outgrew it by 1yr. Her natural way to ease the pain was to eat. All. The. Time. It coats the esophagus and therefore eases the pain. It is NOT a solution, as more food equals more stomach acid which equals more pain, which leads to more eating. If the child really has acid reflux that bad at age 5 he needs to see a specialist.

I have seen kids, of many ages, that just eat an INSANE amount. It can be astonishing what they eat and gain no weight. This is not on you to feed. His mom can supply the extra snacks required between meals you provide all children. The mom needs to also pay more for you to serve more food at the meals you do serve.

Give her a bill for what the child will eat in the coming 2 weeks. If her child is indeed special enough to eat that much (for what ever reason) she can foot the bill. I would strongly suggest she bring her child to a doctor to assess the acid reflux.

My daughter also has a high metabolism (22months old). It is crazy how much she can eat, I ensure she is getting the right foods, as empty carbs and plain fruit does nothing to help. My daughter eats TONS of protein daily. She eats beans by the cupful. If her snack is just fruits and veggies then she has beans with it (kidney, black bean, chickpeas) as this last longer in the belly and helps her go longer between meals. My daughter cannot last from breakfast ending at 9am until early lunch at 11:30. It is only 2.5 hours but her behavior declines, rapidly, if she does not get a solid snack in between. It's annoying as I feel like we are always at the table. But if I make her skip that snack I curse myself later because she is behaving poorly, which is making me react poorly (due to constantly needing to redirect her) and no one is in a good mood. Since she is lower in weight percentile than she is in height percentile on the growth charts I feed her what she needs. I wouldn't expect someone else to pay for all her extra food though, especially if I was paying so little to begin with!

Point being, some kids really need a lot more food. Make it worthwhile food. An apple will only hold such a child over for a short period of time...add a handful of beans, nuts, cheese etc to help.

I personally would not only inform the parents of your new rate (to make it more in line with the other families) but also let them know they need to provide the additional snacks. I am not sure what your contract states or if you can get out of your current rate but I would definitely try and do this. You are currently working for free.

I would also stop giving him empty snacks. No more Bear Paws or toast with Cheeze Whiz but like Lee Bee suggested, more protein that will fill him up. Also, if the snacks are less enticing you will be able to quickly tell "how hungry" he actually is.

You could possibly terminate altogether as his needs just changed (mom texted you the other day) and based on these needs you are not able to provide care.

When people ask about my rates, I always mention that it includes two snacks and lunch. If a child requires specific foods (ie. gluten free, lactose free milk, etc) it must be provided by the parents. I figure that's more than fair.

I've never had this situation, but I think I would probably let the mom know that if her child needs to eat above those times that she can provide extra snacks for him to eat throughout the day. Although, now that I'm writing this I am imagining all sorts of issues that it would cause at my place if one child is eating something and the others were not. I might be inclined to ask for a doctor's note that states that he needs to eat whenever he wants and the reason.

I also want to say that I flinched a little bit reading your post. It totally reads like she is ordering you around and dictating what you do and how you do it. Telling her son that you HAVE to feed him whenever he asks? Yikes. Lower rates aside, I think some boundaries need to be set up in this situation regarding what you will and will not do otherwise she's going to be calling you telling you you need to feed him sirloin steak three times a day at your expense. (that's an exaggeration, but you get my point.)

$400 a month = $4800 a year = $92.31 a week = $18.46 a day.

You mentioned him being there for breakfast so I'm guessing he's there for around 7am. And you said he gets picked up at 5.30pm, that is a 10.5 hr day without considering time you spend cleaning and prepping. So this Mom is paying you $1.75 a hour. And from that $1.75 an hour, you a providing all his food. You honestly are working for free with this client.

I think you've been beyond generous in sticking to the agreement for what has likely been some time.

Since you are working for free, if this parent terms, you aren't any worse off. I think you should consider that when you decide what to do.

Personally this would not be something I would accomodate. We eat at set times and that is just the way it is. That's a heck of a lot of food!! I would just say you can't feed that often and they can go elsewhere. Then you can get paid what you charge others and not all this extra expense or work!

I would be making the mom provide all the extra food. And getting a doctors note stating he NEEDS to eat between scheduled snacks and meals.

just curious, if he is 5 years old, why is he not in school?

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Originally Posted by MsBell

just curious, if he is 5 years old, why is he not in school?

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Province requriements likely.

Here the kids go the year they are 5 so come September 2015 all the children born from Jan to then will be 5 and all the kids born after September will be 4 for a few weeks.

It used to be the kids had to be 5 by 1st October so my son, whose birthday is 21st October, turned 6 just 7 weeks after starting primary. Really annoying because he;d been in mainstream school in England for a year. We came in the July, and I figured he'd be starting back in Grade Primary come the September when he was 4 almost 5 but they turned us away for a full year because his birthday was 20 days too late for inclusion.

That seems like a lot of food!! 8 slices of bread in one day is too much even for an adult IMO.

I agree with the other ladies...it's time to either raise her fee or ask her to supply any food outside of the 2 snacks and lunch you provide (or whatever your food arrangement is)

Is this child truly hungry or just eating because he knows he can whenever he wants?

Thanks everyone for all your great idea's I am going to have a serious talk with her then about paying the current rate or otherwise providing all his extra snacks. I did some more research and deiced at Snack times I will provided more protein's, I agree if I provide something like peas and he refuses then he is not that hungry, I have also decide that, it is not fair for him to come and eat at different intervals then the other children as, like some of you mentioned it starts a war and everyone wants to eat and food gets wasted because they are not hungry.

He comes from a split family and his dad, picked him up today so I mentioned it to him and he said his mom is a hypochondriac and he does not need to eat that much and feels that he would prefer if I didn't feed him this way. I felt he was way over eating as well, and at the same time i felt guilty that if he is truly that hungry that I don't feed him.

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at the same time i felt guilty that if he is truly that hungry that I don't feed him.

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Logic tells you that he's getting more than enough to eat, especially when you remember that he's likely eating more than you are, as a grown adult. Plus, if it helps you feel less guilty (and you have no reason to feel that way), consider that we provide lunch and two snacks. We are not here to provide the main meal of his day.

I hate to sound cynical, but with what you said and Dad's comments, I suspect this little boy is just having a small snack when he gets home before bed because he's full from gorging all day. That's quite the grocery saving for Mom when you consider her day care fees savings too. She's on to a winning formula all around.

Something I do with my own kids is that I keep a container of cut up veggies in the fridge and if they are hungry at non meal/snack times, they can have some of those. If figure if they are truly hungry, they will eat the veggies. They love veggies.

You could do the same and serve it with some hummus (protein!) to dip them in.

Or maybe keep some hard boiled eggs in the fridge?

I did not realize that kindergarten was not everywhere! I learn something everyday

I would do both, tell her that the rate is too low and give her fair notice that the rate will be going up. If she does not want to pay a fair rate, let her go elsewhere. I would also say that , two snacks and lunch (and if you include breakfast) is what you will provide, anything above that, she will need to provide. However that said, if it were me, I would simply give her notice. I think that having a kid eat all day long is way too much extra work, there would be struggles with trying to make the other kids understand, next thing you know you will have the whole group eating extra snacks, that would be constant cleaning, dishes, hands and faces, the floor etc. Just sounds like a nightmare to me

Although I do agree with only offering healthy protien rich snacks, good luck , I have tried hummus, cottage cheese, greek yogurt, beans, veg stix etc here, and the dck I have just turn their noses up. I offer a healthy balanced menu here, most parents want that, however I learn that most of the kids I have had, eat a lot of crap at home (lunchables, processed foods and Happy Meals) more then anything, I waste a lot of food here, but I dont care, I provide it, if they dont eat it, too bad, they can eat crap at their home, not mine.

I have it written in my contract under the food section that I provide one meal and two snacks. I also have it that should a child require food due to a medical condition that it is provided by the parent. This is meant for things like lactaid or soy milk etc but I would enforce that policy in this case in the sense that mom is free to send in the extra food required and then I would set up the day so that every hour child sits at the table and eats what you put in front of him so he maintains balance between the food groups and it isn't a just whenever he gets bored or there is a lull in the day or he doesn't want to do what the group is doing he will just eat.

Honestly I think this is ridiculous. What is going to happen when the child goes to school. I likely doubt the school will allow this either.

I agree. I would be filing this under "NMP" (Not my problem).

I'm sorry, we all make allowances in certain situations and what some of us will consider doing, others wouldn't and vice versa. But to provide an endless supply of food to a 5 year old who is paying pretty much half price, and to allow that level of disruption, I wouldn't do it. Even if Mom provided the food.

Like wise I wouldn't nap a child three times just because their parents would like it.
I wouldn't wear a child just because their parents would like it.
And so on.

No. No. No.

I'd use this as an excellent way to get rid of this client who is using a place and based on the business costs of him being there, effectively having you work for free.

"Dear <client>

Following you requirement that <child> needs feeding every time he states he's hungry which seems to be hourly, it is very apparent that I am not able to facilitate your changed requirements.

As per out contract, please consider this formal notice that I am not able to accommodate his new medical needs. Your final day of care will be <date>. Please note that fees are due during the notice period regardless of attendance.

I sincerely wish you and <child> all the very best with your new day care provider.

Many thanks
Provider

I have one girl that I watch after school and even after snack time she keeps asking for more food and when I tell her snack time is over she sneaks in the cupboard and fridge and eats in the bathroom or hides. She is 9 so this behaviour is totally unacceptable. I've discuss it with her and set rules but she just doesn't get it.

In your situation I would just outline to the parents what meals and snacks you are willing to provide and let them know they are welcome to send a lunch bag of food with him so he can eat if he needs to outside of that.

I would also suggest telling them that there is a rate increase and that's that. I'm not sure where you are from but I get asked daily at school drop offs and the park if I have space in my day home.

Good luck!

I can't believe she would even expect that of you.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

Honestly I think this is ridiculous. What is going to happen when the child goes to school. I likely doubt the school will allow this either.

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When the child is in school, they have their set snack/meal times too, just like us as DCP's. if they are in full day kindergarten, they will get (breakfast in the am, whether at home or in care before school) a mid morning snack, lunch, and a mid afternoon snack. He won't be able to eat whenever he wants. There is no way a teacher with 25 kids in her class can allow that.

I'm curious to know how this ends up. Please let us know if you have a chance!

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Originally Posted by flowerchild

I'm curious to know how this ends up. Please let us know if you have a chance!

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I keep popping back too hoping for an update.