Toy Hog

I have a 3 yr old girl in my care that is a toy hog. She is usually the first one here in the morning, she grabs one of the toy backpacks, and puts all her favourite toys in it, then she either puts it on her back all day, or she keeps it right beside her. She says she is "playing with them", but she's not, she is just preventing the other kids from playing with them. I'm I making an issue of this, should I just allow her to do this? she gets really upset if any of the others manage to get one of these toys she has claimed. prior to putting them in a backpack, she would pile them up and sit on them so that no one can touch them. She is not playing with them, she is actually playing with other toys, she just won't let anyone else play with them....now of course because she claims these toys everyday, the others want to play with them....its driving me crazy

I've had the same. I've always said no thanks these are everyone's toys and all our friends can play with them. I give her five mintues with the toys then say ok it's xxxx turn now and give the toys to the next child. She would cry but I'd distract her with something else and say u can't hog the toys they're everyone's toys. Everyone gets a turn. She eventually got it. I just had to keep taking them away when her turn was up. Lol kids hey? :)

I wouldn't allow this. After 5-10 mins of her "playing" with them, it would be someone else's turn if others were waiting for them. If she made a fuss about it, she would loose her turn or the toys would be put away until after nap or the next day.

When I bring out or buy new toys, they get 5 or so minutes to play with it than it's their friends turn. By the time everyone has had a turn, they are starting to share it without my guidance.

My first step would be to remove the backpacks and other toy hoarding devices. Leaving the child to figure out how to carry them around using just her hands.

Agree on removing the back packs and similar bags from the play area. I also made play stations and that has helped a lot in the sense that if you want to play with the dolls you have to stay in the doll area and if you want to play with the barn you stand at the table that has the barn and animals on it. That way you have to actually pick what you want to play with and are unable to hoard stuff from another area because you can't leave the playhouse or block corner with any items from there. Each place has some crossover items for imagination so what is in the space stays in the space. A lot easier for clean up too.

Another idea might be that when she is hoarding toys (sitting on them since you removed the backpacks) then bring out something new and exciting that you know she will like. Don't let her play with it though because "oh you are still playing with XX, once you put those toys away where they belong you can come share these with your friends. Making her miss out on other fun because she is opting to prevent certain toys from being used by others.

Agree with everyone. After about 10 minutes it's time to share. Take toys from her and give to others. Also when I have "mine" kids I like to remind them that actually the toys are not their that they are mine and I am letting them use them. If the "mine" continues then they are taken away.

I generally take a different approach. I don't mind the hoarding with toddlers (depends how far into 3, the OP is) Since she is the first one there, she could feel that it's her space and the other kids are invading it. Is she possessive with other things as well? A chair, a spot on the couch for example? What I do with the under 4s is the toy they have belongs to them until they put it down. Adults don't share their things, so why do kids have too? I have found that the big issue with sharing is the belief that they won't get it back. I might try adding to Lee-Bee's suggestion. Take the backpack away until the others come. Give it to another child, and if and when they put it down, make a point of letting 3yo know it is available again.

I'm also of the belief that if a child wants to play with a certain toy, than it should be their turn with it until they put it down and are finished with it. I don't think it's fair for a child to have to share simply because someone else wants a turn, kids need to learn to wait their turn too.

HOWEVER, what the OP is describing definitely is hoarding and over the top. She needs to learn to compromise a little. I would have a good chat with her first thing in the morning that she can put some toys in her backpack if she wants but that later you want to see her share some of them. Let her decide which ones she wants to share, if she doesn't want to share at all, than you take ALL the toys away as well as the backpack until she is ready to compromise.

Yes, I agree that kids should be able to play until they are done with it USUALLY but what the OP is saying is different IMO.

I agree with fun care. I also don't make children share just because someone else wants it but in this case the child is hoarding toys which is totally different.

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Originally Posted by MsBell

She is not playing with them, she is actually playing with other toys, she just won't let anyone else play with them....now of course because she claims these toys everyday, the others want to play with them....its driving me crazy

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I would tell her that toys not being used are available for other children. If she hogging one toy and others, try 15 min timer. After buzzer goes, some one else turn and she need to find different toy.

I have also said that it not your toy, all toys here are Suzie's toy so must be shared. If not shared, toy goes away and no one has it.

I don't force sharing so much as encourage turn taking. If someone wants a toy that someone else has, they can ask that person for it. That person in turn can either give it to them or if they aren't quite finished they can say that they'll give it to them when they are done.

What the OP is describing would not fly here though. If you aren't using a toy than anyone else can use it. I have one dck who started this a few weeks ago and I nipped that in the bud so quickly it wasn't funny.

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Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker

I have also said that it not your toy, all toys here are Suzie's toy so must be shared. If not shared, toy goes away and no one has it.

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I've said similar. I will also take the toy and ask them to let me know when they have come up with a plan to share it so I can give it back. They usually come after a few minutes with a plan which is usually "I'm going to play with it and then they're going to play with it and then I'm going to play with it, etc"

I have a two toy rule here. Meaning you only have two hands, how can you play with more then two toys at once.

Thanks Ladies, I have been doing a lot of those ideas too, but this little one is very stubborn, and it seems a little unfair to the others that I keep taking the toys away. These toys are little, like some of the little people, and these little princess figurines I have. I think we are into our third week of this, and everyday its the same deal, she hoardes them, and as soon as another wants to touch them, thats when she freaks, because she's "playing with that". I also don't force the kids to share all the time, but this is weird, she is not playing with the toys, just either sitting on them, or stashing them in the backpack. I am thinking of putting them away for a good long time, next week when she comes, they are just gone? But then I second guessed myself, thinking perhaps I am the one with the issue? I have had kids not want to share toys they are playing with, but this is just a bit different, almost like she is instigating conflict in a rather passive way, perhaps this is a game to her? Having me play into it too, makes it exciting. I will say, here she is a good kid, listens to direction,stays with the group etc, but at pick up and drop off with mom, major nightmare attitude.

There was little boy here many year ago who would put dinkies under his leg so other child cannot play with them. For him, I had to do two toys rule. One per hand. Anything under his legs was fair game. Used to get him to pick two and then the rest were available.

Have you tried encouraging her to play with these toys? Like getting her to make a special bed or house for them? Could she decorate a shoe box or Kleenex box. All the kids could have a special box for a few special toys. If you wanted to limit the time, making it "before snack" is the time for special toys, or something. After that, everything is community property again.

Maybe she could "name" the little people. Here, all of ours have names. Is there a separate corner where she could take them to play with them where she could be "protected" from others taking them? I really do think there is at least some element of her having a need for control. I also agree with what fun&care said, when you need her to share, allow her to decide which one or ones to give away. Maybe put a time limit on that to. "You can share for 5 minutes, then you can have it back."

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Originally Posted by MsBell

Thanks Ladies, I have been doing a lot of those ideas too, but this little one is very stubborn, and it seems a little unfair to the others that I keep taking the toys away. These toys are little, like some of the little people, and these little princess figurines I have. I think we are into our third week of this, and everyday its the same deal, she hoardes them, and as soon as another wants to touch them, thats when she freaks, because she's "playing with that". I also don't force the kids to share all the time, but this is weird, she is not playing with the toys, just either sitting on them, or stashing them in the backpack. I am thinking of putting them away for a good long time, next week when she comes, they are just gone? But then I second guessed myself, thinking perhaps I am the one with the issue? I have had kids not want to share toys they are playing with, but this is just a bit different, almost like she is instigating conflict in a rather passive way, perhaps this is a game to her? Having me play into it too, makes it exciting. I will say, here she is a good kid, listens to direction,stays with the group etc, but at pick up and drop off with mom, major nightmare attitude.

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What if you put the backpacks/bags away and see what she does then?

I don't think you are the one with the issue. None of us are witnessing it or know this little girl....but when I read that last part about nightmare attitude with mom for some reason it made me think it was some type of game playing/behavioural thing.

The suggestion about encouraging her to play with them is good. If she's not playing with them, they can go back on the shelf or bin. People are allowed to have favourite toys, but that doesn't make them off limits to everyone else. Toys at daycare are for sharing.

At this point, I'd either hide the backpacks or the toys for a bit and go from there. Or maybe put away some of the hoarded toys. So, leave the princesses, but put away the little people. Maybe she has so many favourites that she can't choose which to play with? It would also be a good way to see if it's toy-specific behaviour or just about controlling the toys in general.