"All Done"

This is more a vent than anything but I am being driven nuts by DCG that eats all of 4 foods at home and eats when every she wants and isn't expected to STAY at the table for a meal.

I don't expect any changes at home as they'd have to be firm and the child would cry and well, that doesn't happen at home.

But here...I make her stay at the table for the meal. She starts the "All done" about 15seconds into a meal and repeats it endlessly. During this process she gets bored and ends up eating the food in front of her but she continues the "All done"

My 25month old has always been expected to stay at the table while we eat but eventually joins in the "all done" even though she is still eating.

I have typically ignored DCG, I first say you are done but the meal isn't over so you will sit until I come wash you up at the end of the meal" then I ignore. But it drives me BONKERS hearing her say it over and over. She's almost 2.5yrs old. I know it is hard on her because my expectations are different than at home...but come on!

Thoughts on how to end this behavior? I can't really think up a consequence. I am starting to give firm lectures. But pretty sure they are just going over her head.

Am I wrong to expect a child to sit at the table for the full duration of a meal? I'm not talking an hour here. Snack lasts maybe 15minutes...that's a good 14minutes of "all done".

Think you are just going to have to do your best to keep your patience and continue with what you are doing - have her sit the whole time if that is your expectation and ignore the "all done's". It is typical, though annoying, for kids that age to repetitively say the same things over and over.

Both my daughters find it a challenge to sit still while eating, it is an ongoing battle. Some kids sit nice the whole time, others do not.

If you are ignoring her, then she maybe feel you aren't hearing her. I would simply state "Okay. We'll sit there quietly until your friends all finished," When she repeats, say "I know. You have already told me, but I told you, that you need to sit quietly". The third time, say, "I don't need to hear that anymore. You need to wait." If she say again, turn her chair. Turn her chair around so she is still there but not facing - excluded but not dismissed.

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Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker

If you are ignoring her, then she maybe feel you aren't hearing her. I would simply state "Okay. We'll sit there quietly until your friends all finished," When she repeats, say "I know. You have already told me, but I told you, that you need to sit quietly". The third time, say, "I don't need to hear that anymore. You need to wait." If she say again, turn her chair. Turn her chair around so she is still there but not facing - excluded but not dismissed.

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Will give this a try. She is prone to repeating things endlessly. She will say "apple" over and over and over and over again while eating apple. No matter how many times I have confirmed, acknowledge, repeated and agreed it is an apple. I suppose this is just the same habit.

I have a DCG who does this too. She is 20 months now, and she's been doing it since 12 months. I also sense that at home mommy and daddy run to "rescue" her at the slightest whimper, so they have essentially created a very impatient child. She has gotten better though. When she starts saying she is "done" I say "ok, but you still have to wait a few minutes because fun&care isn't ready to clean you up yet".

you could try
I heard you xxxxx, you may be done, but the rest of us arn't, and we sit like a family at so and so's. If she continues then I would say to her if you continue repeating yourself, you will sit at the table by yourself while we read a story, so that you can learn to sit nicely.
She may be a bit to young for this, but I had to do his with a 3 year old a few years back and it took two days of said child not getting to watch he after lunch video, to learn to accept it when I say that I heard you.
Mind you she would spend her day repeating everything dozens of times, and it was driving me nuts. Almost makes me feel as if parents do n't stop what hey are doing at home to actually listen to their children.

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Originally Posted by 33 Daiseys

you could try
I heard you xxxxx, you may be done, but the rest of us arn't, and we sit like a family at so and so's. If she continues then I would say to her if you continue repeating yourself, you will sit at the table by yourself while we read a story, so that you can learn to sit nicely.
She may be a bit to young for this, but I had to do his with a 3 year old a few years back and it took two days of said child not getting to watch he after lunch video, to learn to accept it when I say that I heard you.
Mind you she would spend her day repeating everything dozens of times, and it was driving me nuts. Almost makes me feel as if parents do n't stop what hey are doing at home to actually listen to their children.

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Funny you mention that. This child lives in front of the tv at home. I was talking to my friend about her because she just does odd things. My friend worked in an autism program. I dont believe this child is on the spectrum but I was asking her if she knew of typically developing children that stand there completely parroting speech, whether me talking to someone, me reading a story or the tv. My friend suggested this child gets little interaction at home and has learned to talk by just parroting because there is no back and forth talking. I really dont know if thats the case. She was very late to start talking but has more or less caught up to the lower end of norm for her age now.

Perhaps the table behavior is part of this plus the fact she doesnt have these expectations (staying at table) at home. Bedtime isnt an expectation the last 6 or so weeks either, snacks and tv until 10-11pm when the child finally decides to go to sleep...parents blame the time change. Gahhhhhhh. Head shake.

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

Funny you mention that. This child lives in front of the tv at home. I was talking to my friend about her because she just does odd things. My friend worked in an autism program. I dont believe this child is on the spectrum but I was asking her if she knew of typically developing children that stand there completely parroting speech, whether me talking to someone, me reading a story or the tv. My friend suggested this child gets little interaction at home and has learned to talk by just parroting because there is no back and forth talking. I really dont know if thats the case. She was very late to start talking but has more or less caught up to the lower end of norm for her age now.

Perhaps the table behavior is part of this plus the fact she doesnt have these expectations (staying at table) at home. Bedtime isnt an expectation the last 6 or so weeks either, snacks and tv until 10-11pm when the child finally decides to go to sleep...parents blame the time change. Gahhhhhhh. Head shake.

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I have a parrot in my care, it's beyond irritating at the end of a 10 hour day sometimes lol He was an AP child and a hip baby...not sure if this has anything to do with it in his case, not generally speaking. He is not delayed at all, and his parents actually don't seem to allow him much opportunity to "play" independently of them and entertain him constantly...mum tells me regularly. I think they plant things in his head so he repeats them over and over. It's almost like he has been conditioned to do so by his parents like it's funny or cute....I'm sure it was initially, but then who spends those long days with their child lol I literally have to just explain that there is no talking when he gets like this. At the table we get a play by play on a loop. "I'm chewing and swallowing, it's nearly gone" Then he sticks his tongue out and does it again for the entire meal. I literally tell him to stop talking and if he starts again I cut him off and remind him no talking. It's really not the end of the world, just a little irritating at times for me, but that is on me not the kid. My issue is when it takes 45 bloody minutes for this kid to eat versus 10 minutes when he doesn't talk!

LOL Bright...that is hilarious that he says "chewing and swallowing etc" I would find it funny the first few times but can see why it would be irritating when you have to listen to it EVERY meal!! Oh my haha.

For this DCG she will stand and repeat exactly what is said in a conversation, both sides of it...without being part of the conversation. She doesn't have the full language to actually repeats it so when she doesn't know the words she almost hums them to mimic what is said. So if I am talking to my daughter beside us we essentially have an echo of everything said. If the tv is on (not that often here) she will sit and repeat everything said in the show...with a couple second time delay.

So, it's not repeating phrases she's been taught but actually parroting, or echoing everything she hears with a couple second time delay. I find it not only odd, but concerning. It is just odd.

I mean, I understand kids repeat what they hear and i's part of practicing but every book I hear has a complete echo of what is being said. It's like she isn't engaged in anything but is rather reflecting it all back, bouncing it back off herself.

I have a no talking rule while eating lunch. we listen to the radio, dance lunch, or listen to a story on cd. After we are done the "Main", we have a table talk during the fruit which for us is dessert. I find for some kids it is he only time they are taught the proper way to have a conversation

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

For this DCG she will stand and repeat exactly what is said in a conversation, both sides of it...without being part of the conversation. She doesn't have the full language to actually repeats it so when she doesn't know the words she almost hums them to mimic what is said. So if I am talking to my daughter beside us we essentially have an echo of everything said. If the tv is on (not that often here) she will sit and repeat everything said in the show...with a couple second time delay.

So, it's not repeating phrases she's been taught but actually parroting, or echoing everything she hears with a couple second time delay. I find it not only odd, but concerning. It is just odd.

I mean, I understand kids repeat what they hear and i's part of practicing but every book I hear has a complete echo of what is being said. It's like she isn't engaged in anything but is rather reflecting it all back, bouncing it back off herself.

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It does actually sound a little "spectrum like"...maybe some kind of sensory/processing issue. Not indicative of autism as such unless clustered with other things, but likely something that will be picked up and identified at school. My parrot is very quick and copies the nearly 4 year old word for word some days. Fortunately it isn't constant so I'm not really concerned with him.

I would reply but not acknowledge anything she said - ie not comment on the all done part . Just make a positive statement like "lunch isn't done until everyone has finished eating. Hopefully that also encourages her to eat more of what is in front of her she hasn't finished eating.

A agree that saying nothing is likely to encourage the repetition but pick a stock phrase to say back and hope she tires of the "game" too.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

I would reply but not acknowledge anything she said - ie not comment on the all done part . Just make a positive statement like "lunch isn't done until everyone has finished eating. Hopefully that also encourages her to eat more of what is in front of her she hasn't finished eating.

A agree that saying nothing is likely to encourage the repetition but pick a stock phrase to say back and hope she tires of the "game" too.

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I hadn't thought of responding but not responding to her exact words. Good idea.
She actually ends up eating a decent meal these days when she has nothing else to do but wait. She starts the "all done" immediately when the food served isn't what she wants (crackers) but by the end of the meal she will typically have tried everything and eaten a good amount of some of it. She is catered too at home but has learned (after well over a year) that crackers won't magically appear if she chooses not to eat. I've actually stopped serving crackers all together now, and only served homemade bread and muffins. She's started eating a more varied diet since the crackers completely disappeared, perhaps she realized there is no point in holding out till snack time!

I just don't get the feeling she is on the spectrum, despite having some characteristics. She is very socially aware, she is the over sensitive child. If my daughter is the slightest upset she will run to comfort her. I think she is just a tad slow on things and I think home is doing things "weird" so she is showing unusual characteristics. I could be wrong, but I have worked with children on the spectrum and this just doesn't feel right. Not that I have that much experience...that's why I asked my friend who has a lot of experience with autism and the spectrum. Time will tell I suppose.