First post--need some advice on a difficult child--its long...sorry!

[kidlove]

Heres the deal, first of all: in your contract anywhere do you have stipulations on "child behavior" or "parent behavior"? if not you should concider it. years ago, I had issues with a child who ws violent, he was 4, my son was 3. I let them go immediately, it was detrement to the raising of my child and I couldnt tolerate it. Funny thing, when I brought it up to the Mother, she too got angry and began yelling at me. (IN MY HOME!) you should add to your contracts that if at any point in time the child or parents behavior puts any other children in danger or causes harm to the proper raising of the other children in care, you have the right to terminate immediately for the sake of all the others.
Second: It is a proven fact (studies have been done) that a child by the age of 5yrs has developed their personality of who they will be for the rest of their lives. if he is angry violent and mean to others, he more than likely will continue to be that way for the rest of his days with you no matter how hard you try. NOT WORTH IT!
Third: important to remember...when an older child comes to your day care for care, ALWAYS ask why they need care and where they were before they came to you. then...do your research, call the previous DayCare and ask about the child, their behavior, and why they left. Use your resources, you can learn alot. The old daycare may have saved you from taking this child in the first place. they could have told you he was terminated for violence, or bad behavior. Alot of times you will find alot through those calls, like the parents never pd, the child was trouble, the baby cried all day.

Bottom Line. Dont Do It Anymore!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Heres the deal, first of all: in your contract anywhere do you have stipulations on "child behavior" or "parent behavior"? if not you should consider it.

Awesome post Kidlove ... I agree specially agree with the above .... I have a code of conduct for my program that all clients and myself sign off on

Code of Conduct

All members of my home-based program are accountable to the Code of Conduct.

All will:
 Treat themselves and others with respect
 Be courteous, fair, kind and honest to others
 Be respectful of others and their belongings
 Listen to and respect others
 Play safely and respectfully and follow the rules of the playroom and backyard
 Use appropriate language with others
 Problem solve by talking and listening
 Act in a way that will facilitate a positive learning environment for all
 Help care for and respect all toys, equipment, books, environment, etc.

Inappropriate / Unacceptable behaviours will result in one or more of the following depending on age / severity of the incident / or previous incidents or patterns of behaviour.
a) Verbal redirection and coaching on better choices
b) Quiet time away from peers but within play area followed by a verbal plan for future when ready to discuss
c) Written documentation of Incident / Parent Signed

If a child is experiencing a serious pattern of inappropriate & or physically dangerous behaviour a parent/caregiver conference with written action plan to successfully aid the child in managing the behavior will occur with a deadline for improvement or termination will result. Please note depending on the severity and risk to myself or others I reserve the right to discharge a child for physically dangerous behaviour immediately without the attempt of an action plan.

I also reserve the right to terminate a contract, without notice, if the ADULTS in a family exhibit any of the above behaviors – inappropriate conflict resolution skills will not be tolerated…while children are learning - adults should’ve long mastered these skills!

While I think it is SAD that I have to have anything like that in a contract in childcare it really does WORK because I do not have issues of disrespect from clients at all or much aggression with children in my program and if it seeps in with the kids due to those developmental stages the parents are on it like a fly on flypaper because they KNOW it wont be tolerated here in my program .... I stress right from the interview that children thrive in consistency and having that same code of conduct at home will help them to thrive in both places!

[momma]

Thank you guys for your advice.

I am going on holidays next week and said the following two weeks after my hoildays we will see if things change ( I doubt this), and if not then they have the two weeks following that to find care, as I am getting burnt out by having to redirect behavior all day.

They are very unhappy with me, and are frustrated but say they are going to MAKE SURE that behavior changes.

We live in a small community and they advised that they are very disappointed in my attitude and will be telling their friends. I said that that was their decision.

I guess we'll see how things go. (however, I think that I will be down one in T-minus 4ish weeks)

Thank you all for supporting me.

[apples and bananas]

Thank you guys for your advice.

They are very unhappy with me, and are frustrated but say they are going to MAKE SURE that behavior changes.

We live in a small community and they advised that they are very disappointed in my attitude and will be telling their friends. I said that that was their decision.

I guess we'll see how things go. (however, I think that I will be down one in T-minus 4ish weeks)

Thank you all for supporting me.

So... this family has told you they're going to bad mouth you... they've expressed their disapointment... yet they still bring their child to you every day?

This is one thing I never understood. Do they think by "threatening" you with telling other people you are suddenly going to change? I find it so strange when people say things like this but are still willing to leave their child in your care.

I'm sorry you have to deal with 4 weeks of termination notice. Seems unfair.