Discipline advice

[crafty]

Oh my, what a day from hell and I was having such a good week ! I ahd a huge headhache all day and naps were terrible today.

Anyway so I've had 2 situations at pick up that totaly took me by suprise and I think I could have done better so I'm curious to know what you guys would have done.

1- At pick up, my 2 year old boy brought one of my toy car with him and I had not noticed. That was my mistake. They arrived a bit ahead of time and it was a bit cahotic as my own 2 year old had pooped her pants and it had overflowed on the floor and I was running after the 1 year olds so they would not get their hands in it...Anyway... So the dad asks the boy to give back the car and he refuses ( this child has NEVER had any such behaviour with me and he always very well behaved and when he is asked to do somehting he co-operates well ) So I asked him to give it to me and he threw it on the floor and I asked to please pick it up and give it back. I am standing there and waitting and he just pouts. I said that what he was doing was not really nice and not acceptable and so I asked again. Meanwhile he looks at mom and starts crying and she just hugs him and says something like '' Oh he just doesn't know what to do '' or somethign like that to excuse his behaviour. At that time another parent enters the door and I know I am not going anywhere with this now that he is in mommy's arms. So I take the car and Say ' Alright I'm going ot have to take it away and you wont be able to play with it'' Now I intend to have him make amends tomorrow by having him clean the toy (with me ofcourse) and put it away. What would you have done ? I was totally suprised by his behaviour and had too move on. If the parents had not been there and I was not rushed by another parent coming in I would have not allowed him to move on to another activity until what I had asked be done.

2- Again at pick up, I dont remember really but my 2 year old girl was in Daddy's amrs and he asked her to say bye to me or something like that and she just said ''Umm" with a little hand gesture meaning NO. As if she was mad at something for whatever reason. So I said, well that's a not really nice thing to do and she did the same thing again. She NEVER did this before with me at all. Dad just repeated what I said but did not do anything. So I moved on but she later gave me a big hug and I said well that's better, I like that '' Would you have done anything else ? It just took me by such suprise and really and she was in Dad's arms so... I really did not know what to do.

I know both families seem to be a little easy on discipline and what not and I do not want to start a big thing about it with the parents (their child their business) but I do want the child to respect me regardless of the parents presence or not. These kids are well behaved normaly... as least when they do make mistakes they do comply with amends so they are not usually like this.

[playfelt]

As long as the kids are behaved when in my care I let a lot of things go at the door because I know that it is a test and not a reflection of me. They are testing rules and playing one of us against the other and sometimes no reaction from either parent or me gives the child more information and less chances of it being repeated since child wasn't able to put the two adults into conflict.

[crafty]

Good point ! I definately do not think it's such a big deal but wondered maybe I could have done differently.

[Dreamalittledream]

So the dad asks the boy to give back the car and he refuses

My opinion is that as soon as they are in Daddy's arms & especially since Daddy was the first in this case to try to correct. I wouldn't have intervened. His job to follow up (even as mad as I get inside seeing parents time and time again not following through!).

As for the 2nd situation with 2 year old not saying goodbye; the child has seen me all day, and in most cases behaved well, tidied up as required. They are just so happy to see parent and are tired at this point...I'm more than happy to let that moment be about parent child reconnection....coul dn't care less if they say "thank you" or "goodbye" or whatever.

My 2 cents

[Dreamalittledream]

Just wanted to add how funny it is that if chaos is going to erupt, it's when a parent is present. Darned Murphy's Law! Last week it was my son who had just thrown up. Mom arrives, playroom smells, I'm rushing to get everyone in their booster chairs to keep them out of it. What a workout!

[crafty]

Just wanted to add how funny it is that if chaos is going to erupt, it's when a parent is present. Darned Murphy's Law! Last week it was my son who had just thrown up. Mom arrives, playroom smells, I'm rushing to get everyone in their booster chairs to keep them out of it. What a workout!

I know right ! We were all sitting reading quietly naming letters and making out words when I here ''CACA !!'', everyone running to see it and a car pull up ! It's probably why I questionned myself ... I didn't have time to realise what had happened and before I knew it everybody was out the door and I was out of breath LOL

[mom-in-alberta]

Sorry to hear about the madness.
Both of these are situations I wouldn't have made a huge deal of.
Of course the first little guy will need to learn that a) we don't take toys home, and b) we don't throw them when asked to give back. But given the other things going on, I would have let Daddy deal with it, honestly.

[Other Mummy]

I would have called out DCB's behaviour, just like you did. Yup, his mom was making excuses for her son's rudeness. All my daycare parents know that if their little darlings damage any property of mine, disrespect me or a grown up in my presence or generally act like a tyrant at pick up or drop off when there is a "changing of the Guard" then I will step in and correct if mum and dad won't. I have 2 sets of daycare parents that are clearly confused on the concept of "parenting" and the kids run the circus!

You did the right thing with DCB and the mom. I would have taken his privilege away for use of the car as well.

The little DCG sounds sassy :laugh sounds like she was playing you. She obviously cares for you in coming for a hug later