Violent 3yo - WWYD?

[sunnydays]

Cfred, I love this idea!!! My 2.5 year old daughter tends to have a bit of a temper and when she gets mad, she throws things and shrieks etc. I wouldn't say she is an angry child at all, but has little temper flare-ups now and again when something doesn't work for her (like she can't get the buckle done up on the doll stroller...LOL). My 4 year old son tends to cry when he is mad or upset. I could see this method helping for both of them and I have been looking for a way to help them calm themselves down in those situations. Thankfully neither of them is violent toward others, but I relaly like the idea of teaching deap breathing so they can learn to calm themselves. I will give it a try and let you know how it goes!

I don't know if this helps at this point, but:

I had a little guy several years ago who had a pretty decent anger problem - temper tantrums, throwing things, hitting. Since clients were hard to come by out in the boonies, I worked with him on dealing with his anger, though I'm not a therapist in any way. We talked about good feelings and bad feelings and how sometimes we feel so mad we want to hit, scream, etc. I could see his behaviour was bothering him. So, I starting doing this 'breathing game' with him. When he felt angry (I saw it coming usually - eventually got to point of telling me) we would sit together and take a really deep breath in. That breath represented good feelings coming in. Okay, hold it! Super big breath out - that was the bad feelings going out. After each breath out, I'd say something like "Oh, I just saw some of your bad feelings leave! How wonderful! Shall we do it again?" He always wanted to do it again and after a few repetitions, he was calm, under control and feeling better. We had to seal those good feelings in with a big hug, which were often tearful for him, but he seemed almost relieved. I passed this on to his mom, who started using this method at home. Last we spoke, though a long time ago, she was still doing it! I was astonished that this worked as I had no idea what I was doing, but it really seemed to do the trick. We didn't have any violent outbursts after that. I had originally tried time outs, but found it exacerbated the tantrum. Sometimes, with some kids, there's a real, emotional issue that's beyond just normal 'booger behaviour'. This technique removed him from the situation and gave him a means to deal with his anger and to help it dissipate rather than submitting - I guess he felt like he wasn't being controlled.

[cfred]

Cfred, I love this idea!!! My 2.5 year old daughter tends to have a bit of a temper and when she gets mad, she throws things and shrieks etc. I wouldn't say she is an angry child at all, but has little temper flare-ups now and again when something doesn't work for her (like she can't get the buckle done up on the doll stroller...LOL). My 4 year old son tends to cry when he is mad or upset. I could see this method helping for both of them and I have been looking for a way to help them calm themselves down in those situations. Thankfully neither of them is violent toward others, but I relaly like the idea of teaching deap breathing so they can learn to calm themselves. I will give it a try and let you know how it goes!

Thanks Sunnydays, I hope it helps. It was a long time ago and I was trying to remember exactly what I said, so it's not right on, but pretty close. I would sometimes say 'Oh, did you feel that? Some of those bad feelings left!" Then the child is part of the process of changing the situation. I think it just gave the little guy a less extreme outlet for those feelings. With one of my older kids (8 yrs) I gave him a little notebook to write in when he felt very angry. I don't think it lasted too too long, but for a while, when he felt angry, he'd tell his mom that he needed to be by himself for a little while, then he'd grab his notebook and disappear. I think, many times, kids just get sooooo frustrated that they don't know what to do. Offering alternatives is sometimes, with ongoing anger management issues, better than discipline. They need to channel it somehow. Of course, that's just my 2 cents Good luck and let me know if it does the trick.