My daughter is scaring the new kid!

[playfelt]

Be very careful that you are not actually encouraging the scenario by punishing the one and paying attention to the other. Yes the pushing was wrong that time but you mention about the child crying even if your child comes near. She has learned that if she cries she gets your attention - probably just as she does at home. Yes your daughter needs to be dealt with but not so sure that time out/shunning is the way to do it and also the attention fuels her dislike of her rival too so plays into future encounters.

I know exactly what you are talking about as I have one right now that is doing the same with my own daughter. In a way it goes back to when she was younger and didn't understand that even though my daughter is 20 and adult like she was not able to pick her up and give her the attention she craved. Getting close to her and bugging her so to speak got her pushed away not cuddled. Now all Brianne has to do is look at the child the wrong way and she starts to cry but funny instead of running away she tends to run towards her and stand about 5 feet and start wailing. I used to intervene thinking she had been pushed, hit, stepped on, etc. but soon learned through observation there was no provocation to the tears. Now the child just gets told to go back to the playroom - she is fine with my daughter in the basement playroom and there are only issues on the main floor and not sure why that makes any difference. While the child screams louder after being sent away (usually from kitchen to diningroom where our playroom is) she settles once there. My rule has become that this is Brianne's home and I will keep her form the playroom but that anywhere else in the house she had free movement. There are no issues between Brianne and any of the other kids and they share toys, touch each other nicely etc. so still not sure what is setting this child off.

[torontokids]

Be very careful that you are not actually encouraging the scenario by punishing the one and paying attention to the other. Yes the pushing was wrong that time but you mention about the child crying even if your child comes near. She has learned that if she cries she gets your attention - probably just as she does at home. Yes your daughter needs to be dealt with but not so sure that time out/shunning is the way to do it and also the attention fuels her dislike of her rival too so plays into future encounters.

I know exactly what you are talking about as I have one right now that is doing the same with my own daughter. In a way it goes back to when she was younger and didn't understand that even though my daughter is 20 and adult like she was not able to pick her up and give her the attention she craved. Getting close to her and bugging her so to speak got her pushed away not cuddled. Now all Brianne has to do is look at the child the wrong way and she starts to cry but funny instead of running away she tends to run towards her and stand about 5 feet and start wailing. I used to intervene thinking she had been pushed, hit, stepped on, etc. but soon learned through observation there was no provocation to the tears. Now the child just gets told to go back to the playroom - she is fine with my daughter in the basement playroom and there are only issues on the main floor and not sure why that makes any difference. While the child screams louder after being sent away (usually from kitchen to diningroom where our playroom is) she settles once there. My rule has become that this is Brianne's home and I will keep her form the playroom but that anywhere else in the house she had free movement. There are no issues between Brianne and any of the other kids and they share toys, touch each other nicely etc. so still not sure what is setting this child off.

Just to clarify, I give the other dcg attention only if my daughter has pushed her, not if she starts crying when my daughter goes near her. I think she gets picked up a ton at home and fussed over when she cries. I do not do that here but tell her "you're fine" or I ignore it altogether.

It's funny about what you said about your dcg just looking at your daughter or standing near her and crying as this is exactly what is happening. I thought my daughter was continually pushing her but it wasn't the case. I of course don't want to encourage the behaviour but she also needs to learn not to push. This is the first time I have ever try the highchair timeout as I had read about it in posts on here. Don't know if it's working though. Shadowing seems to work best, however it is sometimes harder as I am super busy.

My daughter is now one of 3 little ones, she did not have this reaction when the other baby started but dd was also much younger and did not have they same awareness she does now. I was wondering if part of the problem is I moved dd to the "big kid table" and the new dcg has her old highchair. My daughter is ready for the big kid table and in fact would always try to sit there previously. I might try and move new dcg into the other highchair and the baby she is "cool with" into her old highchair...who knows, sometimes I over think things, heh heh