My first born daughter is 4 years old (August birthday) and is tall and articulate just like how you described yours to be. I also have high expectations of her. I doesn't sound like they have the same personalities, but I have a couple of things that I make sure I do with my group. I also have a 2 three year old daycare kids that will both be turning 4 in January.

I constantly model how they should talk to each other, including tone of voice. No whining, baby talk or pouting.

I have a space in our home that is only for my daughter to go if she wants some time to herself. It has toys and colouring books there that are only for her and she can go in her "quiet room" and close the door whenever she wants to.

I have a special helper of the day that gets to hold my hand when we go for walks or if I need help with things. It makes the older kids feel important and special, especially my daughter. It also makes them all more willing to do things if I ask my "special helper" to do it. It also gets rid of the problem of them fighting over who gets to do certain things.

My daughter doesn't nap anymore so I always let her sit with me during quiet time. We both just sit next to each other in silence as she watches some cartoons and I have some computer time, but she always looks forward to it. I try to give her lots of hugs and kisses during the day, but with the other daycare kids and my other 18 month old daughter, there isn't much time in the day for just the two of us.

I also don't tolerate any mishaviour from her. If she make too much of a show I just send her to her room and tell her to come back when she is done crying or whatever. Therefore she is getting no attention from me or anyone else. I also praise her and the others for good behaviour and kindness to eachother ("catch them being good"). Consistent consequences are always important too.

Do you find she is well rested? I find that my daughter is way less manageable if she is tired, which is difficult when 90% of the time she doesn't have a daytime nap.

I also find she relates better to older kids, she enjoys playing with the more mature 3.5 year old and the 5 year old and 8 year old that I 've had in care. She has more issues with the 3.5 year old boy thst acts less mature, they fight alot.

I don't know if this is at all helpful, but I enjoy being at home with her and don't really look forward to sending her to kindergarten next year (most days anyway, lol!).