Diversity?

[sunnydays]

Yes Amanda...I know exactly what you mean. People often have very good intentions...many times it is a positive comment...but they are still singling the kids out as different by remarking on these things...things they would not likely remark on on a white child. I do not take kindly to strangers touching my childrens' hair just because it is curly and they want to see how it feels. These are all little things in daily life, but they add up. That's why I can understnad the dc mom's decision.

[bright sparks]

Yes Amanda...I know exactly what you mean. People often have very good intentions...many times it is a positive comment...but they are still singling the kids out as different by remarking on these things...things they would not likely remark on on a white child. I do not take kindly to strangers touching my childrens' hair just because it is curly and they want to see how it feels. These are all little things in daily life, but they add up. That's why I can understnad the dc mom's decision.

It's funny you should comment on the compliments that people make about your children's hair and touching it. My children are Caucasian and my daughter has red spiral curly hair. Comments are made about it constantly wherever we go and when she was much younger people would stroke it, SERIOUSLY!! People would always comment when we were out as a family that she didn't look like either of us...way to go genius!! Now she doesn't have the racial obstacles being white, if that's how I can describe it correctly, of feeling accepted and akin to her peers. I don't compare my daughters experience to yours as the same thing but just an example of how children crave unbeknownst to us for acceptance and quite often don't like to be singled out, even for things that are uniquely beautiful or any other reason. My daughters personality would have her reaction be to be very upset that people would constantly comment on her hair, and it got to the point where if anyone approached her she would pull back in revolt. She learnt after many years that these people meant no harm and just simply thought it was beautiful. I tried to teach her to accept the compliment but to know that it was perfectly okay to use her voice to politely ask people not to touch her and when people paid her a compliment instead of letting it get to her to show gratitude and thank them. I just wanted to point out that while this isn't quite the same thing, I can only imagine what it must be like for your kids as it was tough on me to see my daughter feel so awkward about her appearance.

I remember my son putting me on the spot in a food court when he was 3. We were in the line up and I'm just paying attention to my son, not looking at anyone else and suddenly he exclaims, "Oh my goodness mummy, look at how black that mans face is!" Thank God I was ready for it, don't quite know how but I was. I immediately turned to him and replied to him that we are all unique and different looking. I noticed that this man had a young boy with him and I said to my son, "maybe that little boy thinks you are funny looking because you are so pale looking. That's what makes our world so great that we all look different on the outside but we are all the same on the inside." The man looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled at me, it was like a secret high five and I was actually happy that my son said what he said because it was an amazing teaching opportunity. He did nothing wrong and didn't deserve scoulding, but it seems to have stuck with him because now he always comes home and tells me about the kids who are picked on for being different and how he speaks up for them and hates bullies....."They are so dumb Mom!" Proud mom of my boy

[AmandaKDT]

Brightsparks, I have had many people tell me that I don't look anything like my girls, and had people ask where I "got them" (as in I must have adopted them). So I know how you feel, it hurts to have that said to you when you know that you created them. But I know they are wrong, it just isn't as obvious as having the same colour hair.

[Fun&care]

This might sound ridiculous, let me know if it does,but I sort of understand the whole being "different" thing. I have freckles, and a LOT of them and boy did I get teased when I was younger and made to feel different on a daily basis. Try having kids at school calling you sh*t face everyday...yep but did my mom take me out of school and try to find a school with more freckled kids? Of course not. Did my mother in law do the same for my husband because he was super short throughout his childhood and got teased for that on a daily basis a well? Of course not!

All this ethical stuff is hurting my brain!

[AmandaKDT]

This might sound ridiculous, let me know if it does,but I sort of understand the whole being "different" thing. I have freckles, and a LOT of them and boy did I get teased when I was younger and made to feel different on a daily basis. Try having kids at school calling you sh*t face everyday...yep but did my mom take me out of school and try to find a school with more freckled kids? Of course not. Did my mother in law do the same for my husband because he was super short throughout his childhood and got teased for that on a daily basis a well? Of course not!

All this ethical stuff is hurting my brain!

I'm sorry, but comparing freckles to race is not the same thing at all. Like I had said, it is really hard to describe. And it isn't about being bullied or having racist remarked said, but a deeper sense of self that isn't visible on a superficial level.

It is also difficult to understand when you are white, I never thought about these things when I was growing up. These things weren't really a part of my life in any real way until I married my wonderful husband and we had our children.