Help me ladies....new kid woes.

[Rachael]

At the interview she wasn't particularly nice and cute and the normal level of wary you'd expect. She was the stink eye kid, not doing as she was told and with parents laughing at her cuteness when she did such things.

That was your first clue - Although of course there are times we all take children we have some concerns about, I do insist on children coming to interview and I do monitor how that child behaves and how/if the parents react to it. So often, when I child doesn't consider their own parent's as being an authority figure, they also expect to come into my house and rule the roost and that's never going to happen.

In terms of this particular little one - I do feel for you. I've been really fortunate in only having this level of upset twice. Once with a little girl who is still here and it was a good three months. Sure, there were gradual improvements but golly it was slow. For her, she wanting picking up all the time which I won't do and it only really got better once she became more mobile herself. The other time, it was a little girl who had been cared for by family and she had horrible anxiety. In the end, I was saved having to term them as the Mom decided that grandma's was the best place with some professional help for her stress levels. Her hair would fall out in clumps and she'd just scream.

Of course, only you can determine how long you are able to deal with this. And I do understand, it's not all a mental health decision but a financial one too. I would be advertising with the hope of finding a replacement and if this child settles before then, great. At least it would feel like you are doing something productive to end the situation when everything else you are trying with this child, isn't quite working.

Someone mentioned elsewhere setting up a safe zone for cryers who struggle to adjust. A play pen or something, tucked a bit out of the way, where they can observe safely, where they will gradually calm down and which allows you to get on with your activities with the others in your care. Maybe this might help.

How old are the children you have? Do you have a local park or somewhere you can walk? Sometimes changing the scene entirely is a big help and walking gives them something to do. I have found getting mine outside (I have a large wagon thankfully) is a big help to most who are tearful in the house. Plus it helps wear them out so once they've had lunch, chances are they will sleep harder for at least a while. - It's only ever failed to work once for the girl with anxiety as she hated walking and would just sit on the ground and refuse to move! But for the most part, sure, you might have a couple of outings with screaming and tears but by the third day, they usually stop crying for the duration of the walk anyway.

[bright sparks]

That was your first clue - Although of course there are times we all take children we have some concerns about, I do insist on children coming to interview and I do monitor how that child behaves and how/if the parents react to it. So often, when I child doesn't consider their own parent's as being an authority figure, they also expect to come into my house and rule the roost and that's never going to happen.

In terms of this particular little one - I do feel for you. I've been really fortunate in only having this level of upset twice. Once with a little girl who is still here and it was a good three months. Sure, there were gradual improvements but golly it was slow. For her, she wanting picking up all the time which I won't do and it only really got better once she became more mobile herself. The other time, it was a little girl who had been cared for by family and she had horrible anxiety. In the end, I was saved having to term them as the Mom decided that grandma's was the best place with some professional help for her stress levels. Her hair would fall out in clumps and she'd just scream.

Of course, only you can determine how long you are able to deal with this. And I do understand, it's not all a mental health decision but a financial one too. I would be advertising with the hope of finding a replacement and if this child settles before then, great. At least it would feel like you are doing something productive to end the situation when everything else you are trying with this child, isn't quite working.

Someone mentioned elsewhere setting up a safe zone for cryers who struggle to adjust. A play pen or something, tucked a bit out of the way, where they can observe safely, where they will gradually calm down and which allows you to get on with your activities with the others in your care. Maybe this might help.

How old are the children you have? Do you have a local park or somewhere you can walk? Sometimes changing the scene entirely is a big help and walking gives them something to do. I have found getting mine outside (I have a large wagon thankfully) is a big help to most who are tearful in the house. Plus it helps wear them out so once they've had lunch, chances are they will sleep harder for at least a while. - It's only ever failed to work once for the girl with anxiety as she hated walking and would just sit on the ground and refuse to move! But for the most part, sure, you might have a couple of outings with screaming and tears but by the third day, they usually stop crying for the duration of the walk anyway.

It really didn't come as any shock that she was going to be difficult. I've had difficult kids before, but this is a personality trait of her's also along with having these kinds of behaviours reinforced by way of parent's laughing response.

Her parents have been terrific. They are keeping her on the exact same schedule when she is not here, even going so far as getting her up and out of the house at the same time even if they have no place to go. Obviously that won't last forever as their child will have to be able to adapt to the realities of change in environment and the different routines, but I certainly do appreciate them reinforcing my schedule and prioritizing her needs for an easier transition and it is showing.

She has a right mouth on her and is very noisy but the last few days I have flat out said to her in a stern voice I am not picking you up so go and play, even sometimes redirecting her by leading her to an activity and leaving the room. She shuts up very quickly and gets on with playing. This is flat out an attention thing now so she gets zero if this is how she is going to act. We read books and play together but only if she is calm and not in response to her persistent whining and crying.

Lot's of baby steps have been taken and I'm sure we will get there. She is also only supposed to be 3 days and her parents are bringing her for the 4 that I am open ongoing to help with consistency. Even though I would have loved for a smoother transition, and some piece and bloody quiet lol, I am actually very pleased by her progression considering how she was from the start. I still think there is a ways to go but I'm glad I managed to stick it out.

I never stop advertising regardless of availability as you never know when things will change. Unfortunately in a town where over the last 12 months 20+ women have decided to stay at home after mat leave and offer childcare services at a fraction of the price those making a career out of this industry are charging, filling spots is increasingly difficult regardless of my niche. $45 vs $30...most are going to go with low cost regardless of what I offer.