Issues with my daughter and a dcb

[AmandaKDT]

I obviously wasn't there to hear the conversation you had, but I'm sure the mom didn't appreciate being told everything her child was doing wrong at daycare when she had called you about her child being spit on. Even though it is hard to do, the conversation should have stayed on the matter at hand. It can be hard to not take it personal, but parents gets emotional when it comes to their kids and that parent's anger was understandable (just like your own emotional response is understandable).

As for your daughter's behaviour, it looks like you need to find another form of "currency" when it comes to when she is misbehaving. If time outs are not working, then maybe you need to have some other kind of consequence. I do "either, or" kinds of consequences with my older kids - "Either you _______, or _________".

I also have my daughter "try again" when she says something that I think is bossy or rude - so she either has to say the sentence again in a kinder tone or say something totally different instead. I have modeled this a lot with her so she knows what I mean when I say she needs to "try again". If she continues with the tone, then there is a consequence.

I have dealt with a lot of very difficult kids in the years I spent teaching, and being firm and handing out consequences consistently every time was the only thing that worked. No means no, and I won't be argued with.

A reward chart could also be a tool, you can have a calendar for every day of the week. For each part of the day she earns a stamp if she does well (which is up to you to decide what the looks like). After a certain number of stamps she earns a reward, whatever the both of you decide it should be. This reward doesn't have to something that costs money.

I give my daughter (who is 5.5 years old) lots of independence when it comes to what she wears everyday. I make sure the clothes in her closet are seasonally appropriate and then she gets to wear whatever she wants as long as her body is covered. This prevents most arguments, and if she ever does argue with me about clothes the consequence is either to listen to her mother or all of her dresses are taken away.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I obviously wasn't there to hear the conversation you had, but I'm sure the mom didn't appreciate being told everything her child was doing wrong at daycare when she had called you about her child being spit on. Even though it is hard to do, the conversation should have stayed on the matter at hand. It can be hard to not take it personal, but parents gets emotional when it comes to their kids and that parent's anger was understandable (just like your own emotional response is understandable). .

I appreciate your suggestions and input. You gave me a few things i can try with my daughter.

During the conversation, dcmom asked what we could do to try to resolve conflicts and if there was anything her son needs to work on why I replied that how I did. I kept it to two recommendations (to leave my daughter when she has been separated due to her behaviour to prevent further conflict, and to listen to her when she says she doesn't want to play, same rule as I apply to my son). I didnt go tit for tat with a arms long list of problems with her son because honestly, there are no major issues of concern with him . Dcmom asked how we (meaning both sides) can resolve conflicts and I when i replied I feel like she was put off by my response.