Issues with my daughter and a dcb

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I understand why day care Mom upset too.

She come to you with issue and likely felt that not being heard but instead her son being blamed for not telling you! I know you not mean that way but it does seem a bit like you saying "well what you expect - I can't deal with things I not know about" rather than just apologizing and asking for some time to take in this new information and absorb it and come up with method to address. You took personally because it your kid, and can understand if client felt you hit back at her child.

I admire day care provider who has own children in business because must be hard to totally remove parent hat and deal totally with all children equally. For me, it not situation I had to deal with but would be easy to be too hard on own kids to avoid accusations of bias or too easy going cutting them slack because home no longer sanctioned family place.

Why you think your daughter behave like this? Is she resent her Mommy not being exclusive to her? Is she annoyed that her home/toys/life is shared with other children who not family, who she not like? Must be hard to have persons she not like in her home. As adult, I not ever have to put up with people I not like in my home so must be really hard for small child.

How long you had day care? Is this always been her life, maybe she getting fed up with it? Or is this fairly new and maybe novelty of lot of children now worn off?

These not really questions to answer just something to think about. I believe your daughter mis-behaving is her objecting to something she not like so maybe if you able to figure out what she's annoyed about, can tweak that situation (or ride it out until phase passes) but would be powerful information for you to have.

If she really fed up with other kids, can then take steps to give her escape once in while, carve out some time to dedicate to her weekend or evening, but something to reassure her that you still just her Mommy and the other kids are just work.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I understand why day care Mom upset too.

She come to you with issue and likely felt that not being heard but instead her son being blamed for not telling you! I know you not mean that way but it does seem a bit like you saying "well what you expect - I can't deal with things I not know about" rather than just apologizing and asking for some time to take in this new information and absorb it and come up with method to address. You took personally because it your kid, and can understand if client felt you hit back at her child.

Yes I do understand and you make a very good point. I can see why she would think that way, if she did.

I admire day care provider who has own children in business because must be hard to totally remove parent hat and deal totally with all children equally. For me, it not situation I had to deal with but would be easy to be too hard on own kids to avoid accusations of bias or too easy going cutting them slack because home no longer sanctioned family place.

Thanks. It is hard to raise kids while Doing home daycare. You do have to keep business separate from family matters and vice versa and it can be hard To separate. you cant fully dedicate your life to your kids but it cant be all about yout daycare kids either. In one way it has been easier since both kids are in school all day because my own kids dont take my focus away from the dckids. Plus its good form them to get away from the dckids and be with different friends at school. I have all evening for my kids and no one else. when you have your own kids in the daycare, it's easy for other parents to suspect bias towards your own kids.

Why you think your daughter behave like this? Is she resent her Mommy not being exclusive to her? Is she annoyed that her home/toys/life is shared with other children who not family, who she not like? Must be hard to have persons she not like in her home. As adult, I not ever have to put up with people I not like in my home so must be really hard for small child.

I think she behaves like this because she wants her own way and doesnt like being told no. She is a a bit bossy and saucy, likes to be the leader and likes to have things her way. It's not that she doesn't like to share, I think she resents having the same people at her house all the time, touching our stuff, dividing my time.

How long you had day care? Is this always been her life, maybe she getting fed up with it? Or is this fairly new and maybe novelty of lot of children now worn off?

I have had my home daycare since she was about a year so almost her whole life. My son is ok with it, he is 7.5 but my daughter is getting fed up with it. the novelty likely has worn off and I think she just wants her house and her things to herself.

These not really questions to answer just something to think about. I believe your daughter mis-behaving is her objecting to something she not like so maybe if you able to figure out what she's annoyed about, can tweak that situation (or ride it out until phase passes) but would be powerful information for you to have.

If she really fed up with other kids, can then take steps to give her escape once in while, carve out some time to dedicate to her weekend or evening, but something to reassure her that you still just her Mommy and the other kids are just work.

I appreciate your input, you make lots of good points. I wanted to answer because sometimes I feel when I write things out it helps me diffuse my feelings or sort them out. You did ask lots of good questions and I wanted to provide answers and put things in perspective..

[Lee-Bee]

There is such a thing as over apologizing and doing so almost makes you guilty. It sounds like you over apologized which put you in a position of seeming guilty.

When she brought it up, all that needed to be said was "i'm sorry, I wasn't aware of this situation I will speak with my child about it, thank you for bringing it to my attention." end of topic. By going on and on about not knowing, their child never told you, your sorry etc...it makes the whole situation seem bigger than it is.

It does sound like your daughter has been acting poorly at times, and that she may have been acting poorly in this situation and yes it needs to be discussed. BUT she is 4, he is 6 and she was being silly. I mean, I am chuckling at his "I have a secret, lean in pssttttt" (or what ever the tongue out spitting sound is) hahahaha that my friends is classic childhood. As adults we use it as a teaching moment that it isn't appropriate but it is silly childhood behavior. Obviously if it is persistent and is being done with a mean streak to it then we need to act even more firmly.

The parents needs to figure out what exactly it is that is bothering them as it likely stems deeper then this incident. In the future you need to be confident, apologize once, note you will take care of it and leave it. If they keep trying to go deeper and put you in a position of weakness end the conversation, a simple..."I'll go speak to her right now" - click. Have you child write an "I'm sorry" note or some other notable apology for the parents to see if you think it'll help them.