House Rules

[flowerchild]

One method I've used with my older kids is that if I can't trust them to follow the rules, then I need them to stay by my side so I can keep them safe. This means sitting on a chair in the kitchen while I make lunch instead of playing with the other kids, holding on to the stroller during walks instead of walking in front with the others, not going to play until I have finished cleaning up and can go too etc. They whine and complain but I explain that it's my job to keep them safe and if I can't trust them to follow the rules (which are there to keep them safe) then they have to stay with me so I can keep them safe. Basically a complete loss of all freedoms and privileges.

I'm not sure what your house set-up is like, but one thing that I've done was gate off my entryway from the rest of the main floor. I had to get one of those long, extendable gates, but after the first week it had paid for itself at least twice. Kids couldn't come in and run on my carpet with their boots and dirty shoes. They couldn't play in my hall closet. They couldn't access the stairs or the upstairs of my house which is off limits to daycare. They couldn't dig through each others bags while I wasn't looking. They couldn't smash on the glass of the screen door. And best of all, it stopped kids from running from their parents at pick up time. When the parents arrived, I would just scoop them up and put them down on the other side of the gate. Would you be able to gate off parts of your house that they aren't supposed to go in?

[kindertime]

I'm not sure what your house set-up is like, but one thing that I've done was gate off my entryway from the rest of the main floor. I had to get one of those long, extendable gates, but after the first week it had paid for itself at least twice.

Yes, gates, and more gates. The year of toddlers, as I like to call it, was also my year of the biter. It was brutal, anyway, I got through it with gates. I put in three new gates that I have since taken back out. One for the playroom, one for the hallway to the bedrooms and one around the change table. I also had to move the change table into the livingroom. There were so many diaper changes each day with that group, I couldn't spend the whole day in the other room. They came with me everywhere as a group and when they couldn't all come, they were segregated behind gates. I bought one of those play-yard gates. Its got 6 pieces that snap together and apart and stands alone. It is bigger than a playpen when closed up and can be opened out to be a long gate.

Took me a long time to learn, but I have come to realise that when this kind of thing is going on, it is usually up to me to change. Yes, they may know the rules and aren't following, but you are the adult. Yes, consequences are good for bad behaviour, but what can you do first thing tomorrow to prevent the bad behaviour? I like to keep everyone busy (idle hands...) Sometimes all it takes is giving everyone a 4" piece of masking tape! If you have it, the blue painting kind that doesn't stick so much. Maybe move the furniture in the kitchen out of the way and throw kleenexes in the air to catch. If (and when) they get ripped, just sweep. Or, get the kids to sweep!

I have my books separated out. My shelves are the "rippable" books that I read at circle and their book shelf has mostly board books. For something special, I will tell everyone to go pick a book from their shelf. Most of those books they have never heard me read. Do something special and unexpected.

When I had the 5 toddlers, 4 of them were in highchairs/boosters. So a lot of the special things we would do were sitting down. Where everone was contained. Their favorite thing to do when I was making lunch was to scream. In fact, they didn't want to play when I was in the kitchen, they wanted to be with me. And they wanted to scream. I don't mean whine or cry, just see who could scream the loudest. I let them. I got ear plugs. No one was biting or fighting and they loved it. Lasted the whole year. Then two of those kids left in August. The first day with a new child in September, the oldest of the toddlers, who had just turned 3 and who had been one of the loudest screamers, said "shhhh" to the new kid. Then no more screaming from that day on. So weird....