She can expect what she likes, but ultimately it is up to you to set the tone for what is acceptable. Make a choice. She can expect it but it is down to you to make a choice and stick with it. You set the tone for her expectations based on your actions. I don't think punishment works with this type of thing either, but that is because I have experience and I tried the punishment route and it only caused more frustration for ME, and didn't make a damned bit of difference to the childs toileting.