I'm tired, close to burn out...xmas break off can't come quick enough, and really I just need to offload. I know there is no quick fix and I'm doing everything I can but some days, like today and most recently every day, I'd gladly trade this job in for anything else. Funny how 1 child can make or break the day, for everyone.
I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy, lovely kid who I have 4 days a week which for me is full time. I have been with this family for 5 years as I had their daughter, now in SK since age 1 also.
This family split a year ago and it has definitely had a significant impact on both kids. Father is very unstable and mom is having a hard time. I am friends with this mother and spend time with the three of them outside of daycare hours. She has never been a good disciplinary IMO, obviously everyone has different ways, and I think I am more sensitive to this as I have obviously invested a lot into these kids to see it almost always get undone. On my head be it for having a personal relationship with them too. I generally manage it but now her son is causing so much conflict, I've just about had it. He is your typical 3 year old and he is just acting out, I understand, but no matter what I do it's not getting better, in fact its actually getting worse. Mom is at a loss, and I think she is overwhelmed by so much guilt with the separation of the family it ends up preventing her further from putting her foot down with the kids. When the siblings are together they are so naughty, and need a good telling off, but she never does so they just carry on.
Here, he is running and bulldozing kids down. 22mth old bit a chunk out of his tongue last week because he got knocked down and yesterday the 3 yr old smacked his lip on the stare gate. Now whenever I leave the room to use the bathroom or prep drinks/snack or lunch, he has to come with me because I can not turn my back for a minute. He takes toys from other kids, usually involving an elbow jab to them and then doesn't play with the toys just holds on to it so no one else can have it. He wont take turns and after an hour today of asking to take turns, I said isn't it nice to share with our friends, and he turned around and said to me "no, it isn't"!! He is fantastic when he is one on one, or in a group he is centre of attention, but I'm not going to set every situation up like that because it's avoiding these situations not dealing with them by helping him learn. He is a little hyper so I try to take them out daily to burn some of that energy off, but I know this child really well and he is hyper, not just high energy. He is basically angry, grumpy or starts crying for a parent if he is not the centre of my attention. At pick up times he literally shouts over me talking to other parents, trying to gain my attention and I politely remind him to sit quietly on the step with the other children while I'm talking to someone else, but less than a minute later he is shouting again, resulting in grumpy child who then shouts and growls at the other parents. I've managed to get that under control but some days I find that he gets so much of my attention because of these things. Today I asked him to play independently, giving him some options which didn't involve me and he proceeded to shout that he doesn't want to play and doesn't want to read, and sat glaring at me, which I ignored but then because he isn't getting my attention, he starts to terrorize the other kids as mentioned above which then makes them cry and get upset.
Now I am not a push over, I am strict and very consistent with discipline. I give lots of positive reassurance and recognition, but I also don't let them get away with anything. Rules are rules and all kids seem to get with the program quickly. He has been great up until the separation and then in the last few months its becoming increasingly difficult and behaviour is becoming more of an issue. I'm sure its a combination of his age too and testing limits, especially when he has so many people he can manipulate and try to get his own way with due to them feeling guilty.
This whole situation makes for an incredibly difficult day and is starting to negatively impact the group as I have a nearly 2 year old who copies everything he does. I can't even do an activity with the group at the moment without him causing some kind of havoc. This kid stuck calculator buttons up his nose on Saturday and was in the hospital...he is 3 and a 1/2 and knows the difference between right and wrong but seems to be totally out of sorts in so many areas right now. It's like he is defiant just because. We manage for the most part, but this morning was particularly difficult.
When I relay back to his mother she is genuinely upset and disappointed but I think our differences in parenting are sometimes an obstacle because when she asks me what she should do, she doesn't take my advice. Don't offer the kid stickers and a freezy for sticking calculator buttons up his nose. That is not something worth rewarding because you feel mothers guilt about your son doing this. Don't repeat yourself a million times when your children fight with each other. Use a stern tone, physically remove them, offer consequences for there behaviour, not passive verbal pleads and bribes....I could go on and on. Up until recently he behaved differently here to at home because he knows I have zero tolerance, now he couldn't give a crap and while he is a lovely boy and I know it is obviously a rough time he is going through, it is growing more and more difficult to do this, day in and day out.
I just keep trying and hoping that each day will be better.
