First time moms and her child's food...

[mamaof4]

One of my friends called me last night in tears. She has one child who attends daycare.

She provides food for her child daily (her child has has no allergies) her daycare provider typically provides food for all of the kids.

Friday she packed her child's food and sent with her- however the provider did not feed it to her- instead she fed her what the other kids were eating.

It was not unhealthy or a food that is likely to cause an allergic reaction.

She is livid. Personally, I think she is overreacting. what do you think?

[Bookworm]

Hmmm...well I agree that she is over reacting, however, if the provider agreed to feed the child the food the mother provided (for whatever reason), and didn't feed it to her, then I would think the mother had the right to be a bit upset, but livid??

Honestly, as a provider I would never let a parent provide food (with the exception of allergies), as it does cause problems amongst the children. It is easier to have everyone eat the same thing. Possibly the child wanted what everyone else was eating and wouldn't eat the mom provided food. I think the mom and provider need to have a talk about the food issue and come to an understanding once again.

[Crayola kiddies]

Well there is a lot of questions I would need to ask before answering this dilemma .... How old is the child? How long at the daycare? Is this the normal practice? Is this something that was agreed upon at contract signing? Cause if there is no medical reason for the child to have a special diet and the provider supplies food then it is probably causing issues at the lunch table with the other kids wanting what that one chins has.... Or maybe the one child wanting what everyone else has. maybe the provider has a no outside food policy and your friend gas been ignoring that .... Maybe you could give us more info so we could properly comment.

[Momof4]

My contract states that parents must provide special foods. For instance, I have a lactose intolerant boy in care so the parents send the cheese and milk. When I make something like cheese quesadillas I make his with his rice cheese and it's no big deal.

However, I would not like it if the parents sent in other food for their children when I am planning my menus and buying my groceries to feed all of them. Sometimes parents send in some cookies or other treats though and I'm fine with that.

I think your friend should ask the caregiver for a meeting to talk things over or call her and have a talk and come to an agreement. Personally, I would have already done that if I were the caregiver so I don't know what happened there but I always keep open communication with my clients and talk to them about everything daily to make sure they are always happy and to make sure I'm happy and we work together.

[sunnydays]

Well, if the provider had agreed to give the child the food the mom supplied and not her own food...then I think the mom has a right to be upset as this is a breech of trust. As a provider, she should not have agreed to it if she wasn't okay with it. One person's idea of healthy food is different from another's...when I was looking for daycare for my kids, every single provider I interviewed said she provided healthy food...but in my view, none of them provided the kind of healthy food I wanted for my kids. But the point is, I would have been upset too if my daycare provider did this without talking to me about it first. That is the key...the parent has a right to know what the child will eat or it breaks down the trust.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am with Crayola I would need more information to make a truly informed judgement on where the communication broke down there to have a client who is livid with the provider

However based on what was shared in the OP ... if the parent sent in food from home and had not given 'permission' for any other food to be eaten and if the provider agreed to this and than went against the parents wishes than YES as a parent I would be livid about that purely on the trust factor being violated along ... the parent trusted the provider to follow through on the wishes / instructions of the parent and they failed to do so by doing their own thing .... if the child had or did not have allergies or special dietary needs at this point is irrelevant the parent wanted the food from home served and the provider chose not to do that ... so if she now has a livid client on her hands she needs to face the music of those actions and perhaps for the next time around consider a 'clearer policy' on meals and nutrition to avoid the conflict ... if you do not want to feed kids food from home do not ACCEPT it into the program in the first place!

Personally this is WHY I do not allow meals to come from outside at ALL except for formula, breast milk or milk in bottles ... I supply everything else including children on specialty foods such as Celiac, Dairy free and so forth and if need be charge clients with a special dietary need an extra fee to cover their special foods or ask for a 'weeks supply of of non dairy cheese, butter, yogurt for the week' type thing on the Monday morning and incorporate that into meals I plan and prepare.

I do not want to deal with 'food issues' in my program of parents who cater to picky eater or the parents who keep their child on pureed food way longer than developmentally appropriate and so forth so if the child can 'manage' within the program to move through those phases and into the next stage of development I want the freedom to support that HERE by having control over what is 'fed' to the child in my program and I explain that to clients during the interview that sometimes children master things in the group setting well before they are ready to master at home and that is cool ... so here parents get a list of foods I serve upon enrollment to check off 'yes my child can have these foods' anything they do not want the kid served for whatever reason (allergies or religion or ethical choice) than I work around that with our menu planning (aka children under a year have do not feed lists such as strawberries, citrus, nuts, fish, eggs, etc from the Dr or the children under two still no peanut butter and other recommendations some parents follow about when to introduce things, those who do not eat pork or meat at all ... I will respect those for sure) .... however within that compromise I want total control of what foods are prepared in my home working from those requests from parents ~ I do not accept canned / jarred baby food cause I make all my own baby food for kids to make sure it is gluten free so I can 'taste' before serving to make sure it suitable or too hot or whatever and also so I can change the 'texture' as needed to get them onto finger foods and self feeding at a developmentally appropriate place ... we puree food way too long in our culture cause the reality is we evolved from times when our ancestors had no 'magic bullet' in order to puree foods for infants and well sometimes toddlers in our culture

[Mamma_Mia]

causing issues at the lunch table with the other kids wanting what that one child has.... .

This is prob what the provider is dealing with daily with HER kid flipping out??
They need to talk it out and come to an agreement. the provider might say "Jimmy" has a tantrun at lunch each day to eat what the others want ....kwim?

Do I think she is over reacting 100% yes. It's not THAT big of a deal...chill pill lady.

[playfelt]

I had an interview for an 18 month old last week and all was good till we got to the part about foods. They are still making her special foods and limiting her starches so basically she is eating fruits and vegetables, a bit of meat and a bit of whole wheat toast. They said they are disappointed that she is wanting to eat what they area eating and that at daycare the provider has said there are issues with her sulking and not eating anything at lunch (never said if food was the reason for needing to move daycare but it did seem to consume a large part of our discussion).

My question to them was well I assume if you are health conscious and eating a well balanced nutritious diet that it makes sense now that your child is no longer a baby that she would gradually move to eating what you are eating. The fact that she is asking would indicate that she is ready .....not sure they liked that at all because it didn't take too long after this discussion before they more or less cut the evening short. Going to assume that one is a writeoff which is probably a good thing because at my house if you are old enough to sit at the children's table you eat what everyone else eats. If you are still in a high chair then there is an infant meal available.

[angelina]

i have one with lactose intolerant and gluten sensitive.
mom - packs food sometimes, or not.

since he is here for more than 2 years, more or less mom and i understand each other.

on this case, if the mom send food and caregiver did not give it...well, a chat is needed, a calm one.

there are valid reasons in each others side ...that is very valid.

angie

[apples and bananas]

sounds like a provider that didn't want to feed the meal from home anymore and doesn't have enough of a backbone to have a conversation with mom about it. I'd be annoyed too (as the parent) What a waste of food.