Am I being an ass?

[Judy Trickett]

But the reality check from Judy's words has definitely given me new perspective.

Here's the thing. First off, I know I come off harshly. Trust me, I know this. But What I say to anyone here really IS from a place of concern and "love".

I want you to ponder this idea for one moment......just stay with me here...........when you went to the parents home and told them you were hurt that conveys toward them YOUR feelings. You are only concerned with YOU. It does not convey to THEM, in any way, shape or form that you are concerned for them or their kids - only YOU. And the second anyone, in any situation that they deem unfair starts to say THEY (as in identifying themselves as opposed to others) are hurt, angry, unjustly treated, then that is a defensive reaction and there can NOT be true LOVE if you are defensive. To be defensive means you are thinking of YOU - THAT is the definition of defense.

That is why I posted what I did about your feelings not mattering. Because your intent will never be conveyed to the other party when the feelings are about YOU and, therefore, whether you intend it or not, defensive in nature.

And defense is the opposite of love.

I know some of the readers of this post are not gonna get what I am saying because they are not "there yet" but it's actually BETTER to be UNattached to your daycare kids. And I don't mean "attachment" in the every day sense. I am talking about your ability to treat them well and care for them DESPITE the fact that you KNOW they will one day leave and that you will be OKAY with that. To me, any provider who can offer true CARE, affection and value to any child without true LOVE fully knowing that in the end the child will leave makes that provider a very BIG person.

It is in attachment - TRUE attachment - that we become hurt because WE become defensive as if the hurt toward us was intended.

Bright sparks - I think you are a good person. But I think that sometimes we don't really think about our feelings and how they appear to others. I am quite certain you are a "giver" but at some level, if you look deeply, that "giving" is hurtful to you because you attach conditions to it. The second you were no longer allowed to "give" you got defensive and showed it through hurt. If you are a TRUE giver you would give without condition either during, before or after the child is with you.

Do you get what I am saying?