Moderating the forum

[ladyjbug]

I am going to have to agree with Judy here, big time.

I really don't understand the tone of the moderators here.

I am a rational person. I realize that not everyone here is out to get everyone else. I realize that some actually do have a more optimistic response to things than others and it works for them. I get that. I do not sugar coat my answers because I believe a straight-forward answer helps me out the most, so that is the way I tend to help others. I think those opinions are just as appropriate and valuable to answering a query than a sympathetic ear. That is not "harsh", it is just my own truth I am speaking. I hope it helps the people I tell it to.

The fact is, this is a forum that mainly was SUPPOSED to be for daycare providers, a place for support, for ideas, and to occasionally vent. At least, that is what the forum headings tell me. There is only one small subforum for parents, and several more out there on the world wide web if they want to complain about their provider. But anyone with any sort of common sense would know that if you wanted a provider's opinion, this is where we hang out. We should be able to ask questions. We should be able to get answers. We should be able to debate and disagree, and people coming to that forum should be able to handle that without hurt feelings.

Some of the parents that come here have legitimate questions and they are dealt with sympathetically and rationally and that parent is usually grateful and goes on their way. However, if we read a post that complains about a daycare, NAMES them, or makes a giddy "mission accomplished" post after she posts slanderous material, why is it disrespectful to call that into question? Why were posters like darasmommy allowed such leniency for so many months to criticize us and say terrible things before you finally banned them? Why is it okay for a parent to say she is taking a daycare to court for Human Rights abuses and she is still continuing to bring her child there? Why can we not truthfully examine the true causes of aggressive behavior at daycare? Why not? Aren't these things that we should be examining as providers that care to do their job correctly? Didn't these posters bring these topics to us providers themselves TO analyze?

Now, I do realize that some posts from providers ARE rude. I personally have taken issue with daycarewhisperer's posts as of late. Her homophobic rant on the transgender thread made me want to puke. So if that was the post that made you close it, I get that. However, do NOT paint us all with the same brush. Do not post a generic, passive aggressive "be kind, ladies!", because that is exactly what you are doing and it is infuriating. It does nothing to diffuse the situation. Call the troublemaker out. We are here to give our opinions that are sometimes not popular, but they are still valid and it is terrible to read a condescending post like that when you have spent a lot of time trying to analyze a poster's situation and HELP them.

The other problem with asking US to act respectfully, is you do NOT ask the few parents that are posting nonsensically to act respectfully. You tell us to use our ignore button. YOU, mamaof4 are creating the US versus THEM atmosphere by treating us differently, and I think we are right to take offense. Some posts have called us mean and hateful and that we shouldn't be in business. Some post have made claims about their providers that could have ended their business. When some prodding happened a lot of these claims turned out to be false or made out of spite. Those posts HARM providers. And you have posted many times in favor of the parents doing this and that we should "be kind" while they do this. A parent will not lose their livelihood over a complaint, but a provider might. If that provider is not around to defend themselves, why is it bad that we check out all angles in a provider forum to see if it is actually the truth before ultimately ruining someone's career or harming their business?

I'm going to post this before you put in your final word and close the thread, because that appears to be your current go-to. I'd love to keep this discussion open if possible. I think this place has great potential, but we need to be treated equally. For now, I am mostly disappointed with the way things have been handled and I am sorry to see Judy go, but I don't blame her. Honestly.